Title: Nonviolent Communication
Tags: nvc selfhelp willnvc comm1

Front: Four components of NVC:
1. [...]
Back: observation

Front: Four components of NVC:
1. observation
2. [...]
Back: feeling

Front: Four components of NVC:
1. observation
2. feeling
3. [...]
Back: needs

Front: Four components of NVC:
1. observation
2. feeling
3. needs
4. [...]
Back: request

Front: Two parts of NVC:
1. [...]
Back: expressing honesty through the four components

Front: Two parts of NVC:
1. expressing honesty through the four components
2. [...]
Back: receiving empathically through the four components

Front: Kinds of life-alienating communication:
1. [...]
2. Making Comparisons
3. Denial of Responsibility
4. Demands
5. "who deserves what" thinking
Back: Moralistic Judgments

Front: Kinds of life-alienating communication:
1. Moralistic Judgments
2. [...]
3. Denial of Responsibility
4. Demands
5. "who deserves what" thinking
Back: Making Comparisons

Front: Kinds of life-alienating communication:
1. Moralistic Judgments
2. Making Comparisons
3. [...]
4. Demands
5. "who deserves what" thinking
Back: Denial of Responsibility

Front: Kinds of life-alienating communication:
1. Moralistic Judgments
2. Making Comparisons
3. Denial of Responsibility
4. [...]
5. "who deserves what" thinking
Back: Demands

Front: classify: "The problem with you is that you're too selfish."
Back: a moralistic judgment

Front: classify: "She's lazy."
Back: a moralistic judgment

Front: classify: "They're prejudiced."
Back: moralistic judgement

Front: classify: "It's inappropriate."
Back: moralistic judgement

Front: In the world of judgments, our concern centers on [...].
Back: In the world of judgments, our concern centers on who "is" what.

Front: convert: "Violence is bad."
Back: "I am fearful of the use of violence to resolve conflicts; I value the resolution of human conflicts through other means."

Front: Comparisons are a form of [...].
Back: Comparisons are a form of judgment.

Front: We deny responsibility for our actions when we attribute their cause to:
1. [...] a hooded cloud pointing and dictating
Back: Vague, impersonal forces

Front: We deny responsibility for our actions when we attribute their cause to:
1. Vague, impersonal forces
2. [...] an alcoholic drinking mead from a honeypot
Back: Our condition, diagnosis, personal or psychological history

Front: We deny responsibility for our actions when we attribute their cause to:
1. Vague, impersonal forces
2. Our condition, diagnosis, personal or psychological history
3. [...] a child on a hem leash running into the street
Back: The actions of others

Front: We deny responsibility for our actions when we attribute their cause to:
1. Vague, impersonal forces
2. Our condition, diagnosis, personal or psychological history
3. The actions of others
4. [...]
Back: The dictates of authority

Front: We deny responsibility for our actions when we attribute their cause to:
1. Vague, impersonal forces
2. Our condition, diagnosis, personal or psychological history
3. The actions of others
4. The dictates of authority
5. [...] a bunch of people pushing in on a single wheel
Back: Group pressure

Front: We deny responsibility for our actions when we attribute their cause to:
1. Vague, impersonal forces
2. Our condition, diagnosis, personal or psychological history
3. The actions of others
4. The dictates of authority
5. Group pressure
6. [...]
Back: Institutional policies, rules, and regulations

Front: We deny responsibility for our actions when we attribute their cause to:
1. Vague, impersonal forces
2. Our condition, diagnosis, personal or psychological history
3. The actions of others
4. The dictates of authority
5. Group pressure
6. Institutional policies, rules, and regulations
7. [...]
Back: Gender roles, social roles, or age roles

Front: We deny responsibility for our actions when we attribute their cause to:
1. Vague, impersonal forces
2. Our condition, diagnosis, personal or psychological history
3. The actions of others
4. The dictates of authority
5. Group pressure
6. Institutional policies, rules, and regulations
7. Gender roles, social roles, or age roles
8. [...] a train bursting through a door of ivy
Back: Uncontrollable impulses

Front: classify: "I cleaned my room because I had to."
Back: example of denying responsibility based on vague, impersonal forces

Front: classify: "I drink because I am an alcoholic."
Back: example of denying responsibility based on our condition, diagnosis, personal or psychological history

Front: classify: "I hit by child because he ran into the street."
Back: example of denying responsibility based on the actions of others

Front: classify: "I lied to the client because the boss told me to."
Back: example of denying responsibility based on the dictates of authority

Front: classify: "I started smoking because all my friends did."
Back: example of denying responsibility based on group pressure

Front: classify: "I have to suspend you for this infraction becuase it's school policy."
Back: example of denying responsibility based on institutional policies, rules, and regulations

Front: classify: "I hate going to work, but I do it because I am a husband and father."
Back: example of denying responsibility based on gender roles, social roles, or age roles

Front: classify: "I was overcome by my urge to eat the candy bar."
Back: example of denying responsibility based on uncontrollable impulses

Front: convert: "I have to give grades because it's district policy."
Back: "I choose to give grades because I want to keep my job."

Front: Kinds of life-alienating communication:
1. Moralistic Judgments
2. Making Comparisons
3. Denial of Responsibility
4. Demands
5. [...]
Back: "who deserves what" thinking

Front: The first component of NVC entails [...].
Back: The first component of NVC entails the separation of observation from evaluation.

Front: When we combine observation with evaluation, however, we decrease the likelihood that others will [...].
Back: When we combine observation with evaluation, however, we decrease the likelihood that others will hear our intended message.

Front: NVC is a process language that discourages static generalizations; instead, [...].
Back: NVC is a process language that discourages static generalizations; instead, evaluations are to be based on observations specific to time and context.

Front: When we combine observation with evaluation, people are apt to hear [...]. (not judgment)
Back: When we combine observation with evaluation, people are apt to hear criticism.

Front: observation or evaluation: "Whenever I have observed Jack on the phone, he has spoken for at least 30 minutes."
Back: observation

Front: observation or evaluation: I cannot recall your ever writing to me.
Back: observation

Front: observation or evaluation: You are always busy.
Back: evaluation

Front: classify: She is never there when she's needed.
Back: evaluation

Front: When "always, never, ever, whenever, etc." are used as exaggerations, they often provoke [...] rather than [...].
Back: When "always, never, ever, whenever, etc." are used as exaggerations, they often provoke defensiveness rather than compassion.

Front: Words like [...] can also contribute to confusing observation with evaluation.
Back: Words like frequently and seldom can also contribute to confusing observation with evaluation.

Front: NVC is a process language that discourages static generalizations. Instead, observations are to be made [...], e.g. "Hank Smith has not scored a goal in 20 games" rather than "Hank Smith is a poor soccer player."
Back: NVC is a process language that discourages static generalizations. Instead, observations are to be made specific to time and context, e.g. "Hank Smith has not scored a goal in 20 games" rather than "Hank Smith is a poor soccer player."

Front: I have several options open to me when people address me this way. One option is to take the message personally; I know I'm doing this when I have a strong urge to either [...], defend myself, or make excuses.
Back: I have several options open to me when people address me this way. One option is to take the message personally; I know I'm doing this when I have a strong urge to either grovel, defend myself, or make excuses.

Front: I have several options open to me when people address me this way. One option is to take the message personally; I know I'm doing this when I have a strong urge to either grovel, [...], or make excuses.
Back: I have several options open to me when people address me this way. One option is to take the message personally; I know I'm doing this when I have a strong urge to either grovel, defend myself, or make excuses.

Front: I have several options open to me when people address me this way. One option is to take the message personally; I know I'm doing this when I have a strong urge to either grovel, defend myself, or [...].
Back: I have several options open to me when people address me this way. One option is to take the message personally; I know I'm doing this when I have a strong urge to either grovel, defend myself, or make excuses.

Front: observation or evaluation: "John was angry with me yetserday for no reason."
Back: evaluation (I consider "for no reason" to be an
evaluation. Furthermore, I consider it an evaluation to infer that John was angry. He might have been feeling hurt, scared, sad, or something else.)

Front: observation or evaluation: "John told me he was angry."
Back: observation

Front: observation or evaluation: "John pounded his fist on the table."
Back: observation

Front: observation or evaluation: "Yesterday evening Nancy bit her fingernails while watching television."
Back: observation

Front: observation or evaluation: "Sam didn't ask for my opinion during the meeting."
Back: observation

Front: observation or evaluation: "My father is a good man."
Back: evaluation (I consider "good man" to be an evaluation. An observation without evaluation might be: "For the last 25 years my father has given one tenth of his salary to charity.")

Front: observation or evaluation: "Janice works too much."
Back: evaluation (I consider "too much" to be an evaluation. An observation without evaluation might be, "Janice spent over 60 hours at the office this week.")

Front: observation or evaluation: "Henry is aggressive."
Back: evaluation (I consider "aggressive" to be an evaluation. An observation without evaluation might be: "Henry hit his sister when she switched the television channel.")

Front: observation or evaluation: "Pam was first in line every day this week."
Back: observation

Front: observation or evaluation: "My son often doesn't brush his teeth."
Back: evaluation (I consider "often" to be an evaluation. An observation without evaluation might be: "Twice this week my son didn't brush his teeth before going to bed.")

Front: observation or evaluation: "Luke told me I didn't look good in yellow."
Back: observation

Front: observation or evaluation: "My aunt complains when I talk to her."
Back: evaluation

Front: convert: "I feel like I'm married to a wall."
Back: "I are feeling lonely and wanting more emotional contact with my husband."

Front: When she agreed, I tried to show how statements such as "I feel like I'm living with a wall" are unlikely to bring her feelings and desires to her husband's attention. In fact, they are more likely to be heard as [...].
Back: When she agreed, I tried to show how statements such as "I feel like I'm living with a wall" are unlikely to bring her feelings and desires to her husband's attention. In fact, they are more likely to be heard as criticism than an invitation to connect with our feelings.

Front: Furthermore, statements such as "I'm living with a wall" often lead to [...]. (what happens, not a respose)
Back: Furthermore, statements such as "I'm living with a wall" often lead to self-fulfilling prophecies.

Front: Expressing our [...] can help resolve conflicts.
Back: Expressing our vulnerability can help resolve conflicts.

Front: Expressing our vulnerability can help [...].
Back: Expressing our vulnerability can help resolve conflicts.

Front: In general, feelings are not being clearly expressed when the word feel is followed by:
1. [...]
Back: words such as that, like, as if

Front: In general, feelings are not being clearly expressed when the word feel is followed by:
1. words such as that, like, as if
2. [...]
Back: the pronouns I, you, he, she, they, it

Front: In general, feelings are not being clearly expressed when the word feel is followed by:
1. words such as that, like, as if
2. the pronouns I, you, he, she, they, it
3. [...]
Back: names or nouns referring to people

Front: convert: "I feel inadequate as a guitar player."
Back: "I feel disappointed in myself as a guitar player."
"I feel impatient with myself as a guitar player."
"I feel frustrated with myself as a guitar player."

Front: convert to feeling: "I feel unimportant to the people with whom I work."
Back: "I feel sad"
"I feel discouraged."

Front: classify: "I feel misunderstood."
Back: non-feeling, here the word misunderstood indicates my assessment of the other person's level of understanding rather than an actual feeling.

Front: classify: "I feel ignored."
Back: non-feeling, this is more of an interpretation of the actions of others rather than a clear statement of how we are feeling.

Front: In expressing our feelings, it helps to use words that refer to [...].
Back: In expressing our feelings, it helps to use words that refer to specific emotions, rather than words that are vague or general.

Front: classify: "I feel that you should know better."
Back: non-feeling with that, like, as if

Front: classify: "I feel like a failure."
Back: non-feeling with that, like, as if

Front: feeling or nonfeeling: "I feel as if I'm living with a wall."
Back: non-feeling with that, like, as if

Front: A common confusion generated by the English language is our use of the word feel [...].
Back: without actually expressing a feeling

Front: classify: "I feel I am constantly on call."
Back: non-feeling with pronoun

Front: classify: "I feel it is useless."
Back: non-feeling with pronoun

Front: feeling or non-feeling: "I feel Amy has been pretty responsible."
Back: non-feeling with person

Front: classify: "I feel my boss is being manipulative."
Back: non-feeling with person

Front: classify: "I feel inadequate as a guitar player."
Back: description of what we think we are

Front: classify: "I feel unimportant."
Back: non-feeling because it describes how we think others are evaluating us

Front: convert to feeling: "I feel misunderstood."
Back: In this situation, I may be feeling anxious or annoyed or some other emotion.

Front: What's an example that shows that "ignored" is not a feeling?
Back: No doubt there have been times we thought we were being ignored and our feeling was relief, because we wanted to be left to ourselves. No doubt there were other times, however, when we felt hurt when we thought we were being ignored, because we had wanted to be involved.

Front: Words like "ignored" express [...].
Back: how we interpret others, rather than how we feel

Front: convert: "I feel good about that."
Back: the word good could mean happy, excited, relieved or a number of other emotions

Front: Words such as good and bad [...].
Back: prevent the listener from connecting easily with what we might actually be feeling

Front: NVC distinguishes the expression of [...] from words and statements that describe thoughts, assessments, and interpretations.
Back: actual feelings

Front: NVC distinguishes the expression of actual feelings from words and statements that describe [...].
Back: thoughts, assessments, and interpretations

Front: classify: "I feel you don't love me."
Back: non-feeling (thought)

Front: convert: "I feel you don't love me."
Back: "I'm sad."
"I'm feeling anguished."

Front: feeling or non-feeling: "I'm sad that you're leaving."
Back: feeling

Front: feeling or non-feeling: "I feel scared when you say that."
Back: feeling

Front: classify: "When you don't greet me, I feel neglected."
Back: I don't consider "neglected" to be a feeling. To me, it expresses what the speaker thinks the other person is doing to him or her.

Front: convert to feeling: "When you don't greet me, I feel neglected."
Back: "When you don't greet me at the door, I feel lonely."

Front: feeling or non-feeling: "I'm happy that you can come."
Back: feeling

Front: feeling or nonfeeling: "You're disgusting."
Back: I don't consider "disgusting" to be a feeling. To me, it expresses how the speaker thinks about the other person, rather than how the speaker is feeling.

Front: convert: "You're disgusting."
Back: "I feel disgusted."

Front: classify: "I feel like hitting you."
Back: To me, it expresses what the speaker imagines doing, rather than how the speaker is feeling.

Front: convert: "I feel like hitting you."
Back: "I am furious at you."

Front: What others say and do may be the [...], but never the cause of our feelings
Back: What others say and do may be the stimulus, but never the cause of our feelings

Front: What others say and do may be the stimulus, but never the [...] of our feelings
Back: What others say and do may be the stimulus, but never the cause of our feelings

Front: We see that our feelings result from [...], as well as our particular needs and expectations in that moment.
Back: We see that our feelings result from how we choose to receive what others say and do, as well as our particular needs and expectations in that moment.

Front: We see that our feelings result from how we choose to receive what others say and do, as well as [...].
Back: We see that our feelings result from how we choose to receive what others say and do, as well as our particular needs and expectations in that moment.

Front: Four options for receiving negative messages:
1. [...]
Back: Blaming ourselves

Front: Four options for receiving negative messages:
1. Blaming ourselves
2. [...]
Back: Blaming others

Front: Four options for receiving negative messages:
1. Blaming ourselves
2. Blaming others
3. [...]
Back: Sensing our own feelings and needs

Front: Four options for receiving negative messages:
1. Blaming ourselves
2. Blaming others
3. Sensing our own feelings and needs
4. [...]
Back: Sensing others' feelings and needs

Front: classify: "You're the most self-centered person I've ever met!" "Oh, I should've been more sensitive!"
Back: blaming ourselves

Front: We choose blame ourselves at a great cost to our [...].
Back: We choose blame ourselves at a great cost to our self-esteem.

Front: We blame ourselves at a great cost to our self-esteem, for it inclines us toward feelings of [...].
Back: We blame ourselves at a great cost to our self-esteem, for it inclines us toward feelings of guilt, shame, and depression.

Front: classify: "You're the most self-centered person I've ever met."
"You have no right to say that! I am always considering your needs. You're the one who is really self-centered."
Back: blaming others

Front: When we blame the speaker, we are likely to feel [...].
Back: When we blame the speaker, we are likely to feel anger.

Front: classify type of response: "When I hear you saying that I am the most self-centered person you've ever met, I feel hurt, because I need some recognition of my efforts to be considerate of your preferences."
Back: sensing our own feelings and needs

Front: classify: "Are you feeling hurt because you need more consideration for your preferences?"
Back: sensing others' feelings and needs

Front: We accept responsibility rather than blame other people for our feelings by acknowledging our own [...], desires, expectations, values, or thoughts.
Back: We accept responsibility rather than blame other people for our feelings by acknowledging our own needs, desires, expectations, values, or thoughts.

Front: We accept responsibility rather than blame other people for our feelings by acknowledging our own needs, [...], expectations, values, or thoughts.
Back: We accept responsibility rather than blame other people for our feelings by acknowledging our own needs, desires, expectations, values, or thoughts.

Front: We accept responsibility rather than blame other people for our feelings by acknowledging our own needs, desires, [...], values, or thoughts.
Back: We accept responsibility rather than blame other people for our feelings by acknowledging our own needs, desires, expectations, values, or thoughts.

Front: We accept responsibility rather than blame other people for our feelings by acknowledging our own needs, desires, expectations, [...], or thoughts.
Back: We accept responsibility rather than blame other people for our feelings by acknowledging our own needs, desires, expectations, values, or thoughts.

Front: We accept responsibility rather than blame other people for our feelings by acknowledging our own needs, desires, expectations, values, or [...].
Back: We accept responsibility rather than blame other people for our feelings by acknowledging our own needs, desires, expectations, values, or thoughts.

Front: convert: "You disappointed me by not coming over last evening."
Back: "I was disappointed when you didn't come over, because I wanted to talk over some things that were bothering me."

Front: convert: "Their cancelling the contract really irritated me!"
Back: intermediate: "When they cancelled the contract, I felt really irritated because I was thinking to myself that it was an awfully irresponsible thing to do."
better: "When they cancelled the contract, I felt really irritated because I was hoping for an opportunity to re-hire the workers we had laid off last year."

Front: The basic mechanism of motivating by guilt is to [...].
Back: The basic mechanism of motivating by guilt is to attribute the responsibility for one's own feelings to others.

Front: However, if children who assume this kind of responsibility change their behavior in accordance to parental wishes, they are [...].
Back: However, if children who assume this kind of responsibility change their behavior in accordance to parental wishes, they are not acting from the heart, but acting to avoid guilt.

Front: classify: "It really infuriates me when spelling mistakes appear in our public brochures."
Back: masking accountability for our feelings by use of impersonal pronouns

Front: acknowldging responsibility for feelings or not: "When you don't call me on my birthday, I feel hurt."
Back: masking accountability for our feelings by only mentioning others actions

Front: acknowldging responsibility for feelings or not: "Mommy is disappointed when you don't finish your food."
Back: masking accountability for our feelings by only mentioning others actions

Front: classify: "I feel hurt because you said you don't love me."
Back: masking accountability for our feelings by using something other than I after a "I feel x because"

Front: classify: "I feel angry because the supervisor broke her promise."
Back: masking accountability for our feelings by saying something other than I after "I feel x because"

Front: convert: "It really infuriates me when spelling mistakes appear in our public brochures."
Back: "I feel really infuriated when spelling mistakes like that appear in our public brochures, because I want our company to project a professional image."

Front: convert: "Mommy is disappointed when you don't finish your food."
Back: "Mommy feels disappointed when you don't finish your food, because I want you to grow up strong and healthy."

Front: convert: "I feel angry because the supervisor broke her promise."
Back: "I feel angry that the supervisor broke her promise, because I was counting on getting that long weekend to visit my brother."

Front: Judgments of others are [...].
Back: Judgments of others are alienated expressions of our own unmet needs.

Front: [...], criticisms, diagnoses, and interpretations of others are all alienated expressions of our needs.
Back: Judgments, criticisms, diagnoses, and interpretations of others are all alienated expressions of our needs.

Front: Judgments, [...], diagnoses, and interpretations of others are all alienated expressions of our needs.
Back: Judgments, criticisms, diagnoses, and interpretations of others are all alienated expressions of our needs.

Front: Judgments, criticisms, [...], and interpretations of others are all alienated expressions of our needs.
Back: Judgments, criticisms, diagnoses, and interpretations of others are all alienated expressions of our needs.

Front: Judgments, criticisms, diagnoses, and [...] of others are all alienated expressions of our needs.
Back: Judgments, criticisms, diagnoses, and interpretations of others are all alienated expressions of our needs.

Front: translate: "You never understand me."
Back: their need to be understood is not being fulfilled

Front: translate: "You've been working late every night this week; you love your work more than you love me."
Back: her need for intimacy is not being met

Front: When we express our needs indirectly through the use of evaluations, interpretations, and images, others are likely to hear [...].
Back: When we express our needs indirectly through the use of evaluations, interpretations, and images, others are likely to hear criticism.

Front: And when people hear anything that sounds like criticism, they tend to invest their energy in [...].
Back: And when people hear anything that sounds like criticism, they tend to invest their energy in self-defense or counterattack.

Front: If we are wishing for a compassionate response from others, it is self-defeating to express our needs by [...] (not judging, labeling, or criticizing) their behavior.
Back: If we are wishing for a compassionate response from others, it is self-defeating to express our needs by interpreting or diagnosing their behavior.

Front: If we are wishing for a compassionate response from others, it is [...] to express our needs by interpreting or diagnosing their behavior.
Back: If we are wishing for a compassionate response from others, it is self-defeating to express our needs by interpreting or diagnosing their behavior.

Front: The more directly we can connect [...], the easier it is for others to respond compassionately to our needs.
Back: The more directly we can connect our feelings to our own needs, the easier it is for others to respond compassionately to our needs.

Front: The more directly we can connect our feelings to our own needs, the easier it is for others to [...].
Back: The more directly we can connect our feelings to our own needs, the easier it is for others to respond compassionately to our needs.

Front: If we [...] our needs, we have a better chance of getting them met.
Back: If we express our needs, we have a better chance of getting them met.

Front: If we express our needs, we have a better chance of [...].
Back: If we express our needs, we have a better chance of getting them met.

Front: convert: "You people are acting like a bunch of Nazis."
"Mukhtar, that was a totally insensitive thing for you to say!"
Back: "I am needing more respect in our dialogue. Instead of telling us how you think we are acting, would you tell us what it is we are doing that you find disturbing?"

Front: Over and over again, it has been my experience that, from the moment people begin talking about [...] rather than what's wrong with one another, the possibility of finding ways to meet everybody's needs is greatly increased.
Back: Over and over again, it has been my experience that, from the moment people begin talking about what they need rather than what's wrong with one another, the possibility of finding ways to meet everybody's needs is greatly increased.

Front: Over and over again, it has been my experience that, from the moment people begin talking about what they need rather than [...], the possibility of finding ways to meet everybody's needs is greatly increased.
Back: Over and over again, it has been my experience that, from the moment people begin talking about what they need rather than what's wrong with one another, the possibility of finding ways to meet everybody's needs is greatly increased.

Front: Over and over again, it has been my experience that, from the moment people begin talking about what they need rather than what's wrong with one another, the [...] is greatly increased.
Back: Over and over again, it has been my experience that, from the moment people begin talking about what they need rather than what's wrong with one another, the possibility of finding ways to meet everybody's needs is greatly increased.

Front: If we don't value our needs, [...].
Back: If we don't value our needs, others may not either.

Front: Stages of relating to other people's feelings
1. [...]
Back: emotional slavery

Front: Stages of relating to other people's feelings
1. emotional slavery
2. [...]
Back: "obnoxious"

Front: Stages of relating to other people's feelings
1. emotional slavery
2. "obnoxious"
3. [...]
Back: emotional liberation

Front: emotional slavery is
Back: when we believe ourselves responsible for the feelings of others

Front: in emotional slavery: If people don't appear happy, we [...].
Back: in emotional slavery: If people don't appear happy, we feel responsible and compelled to do something about it.

Front: Feeling responsible for the feelings of others can easily lead us to see the very people who are closest to us as [...].
Back: Feeling responsible for the feelings of others can easily lead us to see the very people who are closest to us as burdens.

Front: convert: "My partner is so needy and dependent it's really stressing out our relationship."
"I c't b i w I l m i r.  W I s m p's p, I l m, a t I j h t b f."
Back: "I can't bear it when I lose myself in relationships. When I see my partner's pain, I lose me, and then I just have to break free."

Front: convert: "Are you feeling tense because I have been making too many demands on you?"
Back: "So you find yourself in panic. It's very hard for you to hold on to the deep caring and love we've had without turning it into a responsibility, duty, obligation.... You sense your freedom closing down because you think you constantly have to take care of me."

Front: "obnoxious" stage
Back: In this stage, we become aware of the high costs of assuming responsibility for others' feelings and trying to accommodate them at our own expense. When we notice how much of our lives we've missed and how little we have responded to the call of our own soul, we may get angry.

Front: As we emerge from the stage of emotional enslavement, we may continue to carry remnants of [...].
Back: As we emerge from the stage of emotional enslavement, we may continue to carry remnants of fear and guilt around having our own needs.

Front: In the obnoxious stage, we have yet to grasp that [...].
Back: In the obnoxious stage, we have yet to grasp that emotional liberation entails more than simply asserting our own needs.

Front: co-worker: What we need to do in this country is bring back the stigma of illegitimacy!
woman: [...]
Back: (first checking out her guess as to what the co-work was observing) Are you reading something about teenage pregnancies in the paper?

Front: co-worker: What we need to do in this country is bring back the stigma of illegitimacy!
woman: (first checking out her guess as to what the co-work was observing) Are you reading something about teenage pregnancies in the paper?
co-worker: Yes, it's unbelievable how many of them are doing it!
woman: [...]
Back: (now listening for the co-workers feeling, and what unmet need might be giving rise to this feeling) Are you feeling alarmed because you'd like kids to have stable families?

Front: co-worker: What we need to do in this country is bring back the stigma of illegitimacy!
woman: (first checking out her guess as to what the co-work was observing) Are you reading something about teenage pregnancies in the paper?
co-worker: Yes, it's unbelievable how many of them are doing it!
woman: (now listening for the co-workers feeling, and what unmet need might be giving rise to this feeling) Are you feeling alarmed because you'd like kids to have stable families?
co-worker: Of course!  Do you know, my father would have killed me if I had done anything like that!
woman: [...]
Back: So you're remembering how it was for the girl in your generation who got pregnant?

Front: woman: So you're remembering how it was for the girls in your generation who got pregnant?
co-worker: Sure thing!  We knew what would happen to us if we got pregnant.  We were scared about it all the time, not like these girls nowadays.
woman: [...]
Back: Are you annoyed that there is no fear of punishment for girls who get pregnant these days?

Front: woman: Are you annoyed that there is no fear of punishment for girls who get pregnant these days?
co-worker: Well, at least fear and punishment worked!  It says here that there are girls sleeping around with different men just so they can get pregnant!  That's right!  They have babies and the rest of us in society pay for it!
woman: [...]
Back: Are you astonished to realize that people are getting pregnant these days without any consideration for reputation, consequences, financial stability...all the things you used to consider?

Front: woman: Are you astonished to realize that people are getting pregnant these days without any consideration for reputation, consequences, financial stability...all the things you used to consider?
co-worker: (Feeling heard around her astonishment, she now moved to her other feeling, that of annoyance.  As often happens when there is a mixture of feelings present, the speaker will return to those that have not received empathic attention.  It is not necessary for the listener to reflect back a complex mixture of feelings all at once; the flow of compassion will continue as each feeling comes up again in its turn.)  Yeah, and guess who ends up paying for it?
woman: [...]
Back: Sounds like you're exasperated because you'd like your tax money to be used for other purposes.  Is that so?

Front: co-worker: (Feeling heard around her astonishment, she now moved to her other feeling, that of annoyance.  As often happens when there is a mixture of feelings present, the speaker will return to those that have not received empathic attention.  It is not necessary for the listener to reflect back a complex mixture of feelings all at once; the flow of compassion will continue as each feeling comes up again in its turn.)  Yeah, and guess who ends up paying for it?
woman: Sounds like you're exasperated because you'd like your tax money to be used for other purposes.  Is that so?
co-worker: Certainly is!  Do you know that my son and his wife want a second child and they can't have one--even though they have two jobs--because it costs so much?
woman: [...]
Back: I guess you're sad about that?  You'd probably love to have a second grandchild...

Front: woman: I guess you're sad about that?  You'd probably love to have a second grandchild...
co-worker: Yes, and it's not just for me that it would make a difference.
woman: [...]
Back: ...and for your son to have the family he wants... (Even though the woman guessed only partially correctly, she did not interrupt the flow of empathy, allowing the co-worker to continue and realize another concern.)

Front: woman: Sounds like you're exasperated because you'd like your tax money to be used for other purposes.  Is that so?
co-worker: Certainly is!  Do you know that my son and his wife want a second child and they can't have one--even though they have two jobs--because it costs so much?
woman: I guess you're sad about that?  You'd probably love to have a second grandchild...
co-worker: Yes, and it's not just for me that it would make a difference.
woman: ...and for your son to have the family he wants... (Even though the woman guessed only partially correctly, she did not interrupt the flow of empathy, allowing the co-worker to continue and realize another concern.)
co-worker: Yes.  I think it's sad to be a single child too.
woman: [...]
Back: Oh, I see; you'd like for Katie to have a little brother?

Front: woman: Oh, I see; you'd like for Katie to have a little brother?
co-worker: That would be nice.
(At this point, the woman sensed a release in her coworker. A moment of silence elapsed. The woman felt surprised to discover that, while she still wanted to express her own views, the urgency and tension had dissipated because she no longer felt "adversarial." She understood the feelings and needs behind her co-worker's statements and no longer felt that the two of them were "worlds apart.")
woman: [...]
Back: You know, when you first said that we should bring back the stigma of illegitimacy (O),

Front: (At this point, the woman sensed a release in her coworker. A moment of silence elapsed. The woman felt surprised to discover that, while she still wanted to express her own views, the urgency and tension had dissipated because she no longer felt "adversarial." She under- stood the feelings and needs behind her co-worker's statements and no longer felt that the two of them were "worlds apart.")
woman: You know, when you first said that we should bring back the stigma of illegitimacy (O), [...]
Back: I got really scared (F),

Front: (At this point, the woman sensed a release in her coworker. A moment of silence elapsed. The woman felt surprised to discover that, while she still wanted to express her own views, the urgency and tension had dissipated because she no longer felt "adversarial." She under- stood the feelings and needs behind her co-worker's statements and no longer felt that the two of them were "worlds apart.")
woman: You know, when you first said that we should bring back the stigma of illegitimacy (O), I got really scared (F), [...]
Back: because it really matters to me that all of us here share a deep caring for people needing help (N).

Front: (At this point, the woman sensed a release in her coworker. A moment of silence elapsed. The woman felt surprised to discover that, while she still wanted to express her own views, the urgency and tension had dissipated because she no longer felt "adversarial." She under- stood the feelings and needs behind her co-worker's statements and no longer felt that the two of them were "worlds apart.")
woman: You know, when you first said that we should bring back the stigma of illegitimacy (O), I got really scared (F), because it really matters to me that all of us here share a deep caring for people needing help (N).  [...]
Back: Some of the people coming here for food are teenaged parents (O),

Front: (At this point, the woman sensed a release in her coworker. A moment of silence elapsed. The woman felt surprised to discover that, while she still wanted to express her own views, the urgency and tension had dissipated because she no longer felt "adversarial." She under- stood the feelings and needs behind her co-worker's statements and no longer felt that the two of them were "worlds apart.")
woman: You know, when you first said that we should bring back the stigma of illegitimacy (O), I got really scared (F), because it really matters to me that all of us here share a deep caring for people needing help (N).  Some of the people coming here for food are teenaged parents (O), [...]
Back: and I want to make sure they feel welcome (N).

Front: (At this point, the woman sensed a release in her coworker. A moment of silence elapsed. The woman felt surprised to discover that, while she still wanted to express her own views, the urgency and tension had dissipated because she no longer felt "adversarial." She under- stood the feelings and needs behind her co-worker's statements and no longer felt that the two of them were "worlds apart.")
woman: You know, when you first said that we should bring back the stigma of illegitimacy (O), I got really scared (F), because it really matters to me that all of us here share a deep caring for people needing help (N).  Some of the people coming here for food are teenaged parents (O), and I want to make sure they feel welcome (N).  [...]
Back: Would you mind telling me how you feel when you see Dashal or Amy and her boyfriend walking in? (R)

Front: classify: You irritate me when you leave company documents on the conference room floor.
Back: not acknowledging responsibility for feelings by implying that the other person's behavior is solely responsible and not revealing the speaker's feelings and needs

Front: convert: You irritate me when you leave company documents on the conference room floor.
Back: I'm irritated when you leave company documents on the conference room floor, because I want our documents to be safely stored and accessible.

Front: acknowledging responsibility for feelings or not: I feel angry when you say that, because I am wanting respect and I hear your words as an insult.
Back: acknowledging responsibility for feelings

Front: acknowldging responsibility for feelings or not: I feel frustrated when you come late.
Back: not acknowledging responsibility for feelings

Front: convert: I feel frustrated when you come late.
Back: I feel frustrated when you come late because I was hoping we'd be able to get some front-row seats.

Front: classify: I'm sad that you won't be coming for dinner because I was hoping we could spend the evening together.
Back: acknowleding responsibility for feelings

Front: acknowldging responsibility for feelings or not: I feel disappointed because you said you would do it and you didn't.
Back: not acknowledging responsibility for the feelings by expressing the feelings and thoughts behind the feeling

Front: convert: I feel disappointed because you said you would do it and you didn't.
Back: When you said you'd do it and then you didn't, I feel disappointed because I want to be able to rely on your words.

Front: classify: I'm discouraged because I would have liked to have progressed further in my work by now.
Back: acknowledging responsibility for feelings

Front: classify: Little things people say sometimes hurt me.
Back: not acknowledging responsibility for feelings by expressing the needs and thoughts underlying them

Front: convert: Little things people say sometimes hurt me.
Back: Sometimes when people say little things, I feel hurt because I want to be appreciated, not criticized.

Front: classify: I feel happy that you received the award.
Back: not acknowledging responsibility for feelings by not expressings the needs and thoughts underlying them

Front: convert: I feel happy that you received the award.
Back: When you received that award, I felt happy because I was hoping you'd be recognized for all the work you put into the project.

Front: acknowldging responsibility for feelings or not: I feel scared when you raise your voice.
Back: not acknowledging responsibility for feelings by not expressing the needs and thoughts underlying them

Front: convert: I feel scared when you raise your voice.
Back: When you raise your voice, I feel scared because I'm telling myself that someone might get hurt here, and I need to know we're all safe.

Front: acknowledging responsibility for feelings or not: I'm grateful that you offered me a ride beacuse I was needing to get home before my children.
Back: acknowledging responsibility for feelings

Front: When making requests, it helps to express what we are [...].
Back: First of all, we express what we are requesting rather than what we are not requesting.

Front: the two problems with requests worded in the negative
Back: 1. people are confused about what's being requested
2. they are likely to provoke resistance

Front: In addition to using positive language, we also want to avoid [...] and to word our requests in the form of concrete actions that others can undertake.
Back: In addition to using positive language, we also want to avoid vague, abstract, or ambiguous phrasing and to word our requests in the form of concrete actions that others can undertake.

Front: In addition to using positive language, we also want to avoid vague, abstract, or ambiguous phrasing and to word our requests in the form of [...].
Back: In addition to using positive language, we also want to avoid vague, abstract, or ambiguous phrasing and to word our requests in the form of concrete actions that others can undertake.

Front: Often, the use of vague and abstract language can mask [...].
Back: Often, the use of vague and abstract language can mask such oppressive interpersonal games.

Front: Often, the use of [...] can mask such oppressive interpersonal games.
Back: Often, the use of vague and abstract language can mask such oppressive interpersonal games.

Front: [...] contributes to internal confusion.
Back: Vague language contributes to internal confusion.

Front: Vague language contributes to [...].
Back: Vague language contributes to internal confusion.

Front: Very often, my clients were able to see how the lack of [...] had contributed significantly to their frustrations and depression.
Back: Very often, my clients were able to see how the lack of awareness of what they wanted from others had contributed significantly to their frustrations and depression.

Front: Very often, my clients were able to see how the lack of awareness of what they wanted from others had contributed significantly to their [...] and [...].
Back: Very often, my clients were able to see how the lack of awareness of what they wanted from others had contributed significantly to their frustrations and depression.

Front: Requests unaccompanied by the speaker's feelings and needs may sound like [...].
Back: Requests unaccompanied by the speaker's feelings and needs may sound like a demand.

Front: Requests unaccompanied by [...] may sound like a demand.
Back: Requests unaccompanied by the speaker's feelings and needs may sound like a demand.

Front: The clearer we are about what we want back, the more likely it is [...].
Back: The clearer we are about what we want back, the more likely it is that we'll get it.

Front: [...] about what we want back, the more likely it is that we'll get it.
Back: The clearer we are about what we want back, the more likely it is that we'll get it.

Front: My belief is that, whenever we say something to another person, we are [...].
Back: My belief is that, whenever we say something to another person, we are requesting something in return.

Front: My belief is that, whenever we [...], we are requesting something in return.
Back: My belief is that, whenever we say something to another person, we are requesting something in return.

Front: To make sure the message we sent is the message that's received, [...].
Back: To make sure the message we sent is the message that's received, ask the listener to reflect it back.

Front: To make sure [...], ask the listener to reflect it back.
Back: To make sure the message we sent is the message that's received, ask the listener to reflect it back.

Front: [...] when your listener tries to meet your request for a reflection.
Back: Express appreciation when your listener tries to meet your request for a reflection.

Front: [...] the listener who doesn't want to reflect back.
Back: Empathize with the listener who doesn't want to reflect back.

Front: To prevent reservations about reflecting back, we can [...].
Back: To prevent reservations about reflecting back, we can explain to people ahead of time why we may sometimes ask them to reflect back our words.

Front: We make clear that we're [...], but checking out whether we've expressed ourselves clearly.
Back: We make clear that we're not testing their listening skills, but checking out whether we've expressed ourselves clearly.

Front: We make clear that we're not testing their listening skills, but [...].
Back: We make clear that we're not testing their listening skills, but checking out whether we've expressed ourselves clearly.

Front: three types of honesty we like to receive:
1. [...]
Back: what the listener is feeling

Front: three types of honesty we like to receive:
1. what the listener is feeling
2. [...]
Back: what the listener is thinking

Front: three types of honesty we like to receive:
1. what the listener is feeling
2. what the listener is thinking
3. [...]
Back: whether the listener would be willing to take a particular action

Front: After we express ourselves vulnerably, we often want to know [...].
Back: After we express ourselves vulnerably, we often want to know what the listener is feeling.

Front: When we want to know about the listener's thoughts, it's important to [...].
Back: When we want to know about the listener's thoughts, it's important to specify which thoughts we'd like them to share.

Front: convert: "I'd like you to tell me what you think about what I've said."
Back: "I'd like you to tell me if you predict that my proposal would be successful, and if not, what you believe would prevent its success."

Front: When we don't specify which thoughts we would like to receive, the other person may [...].
Back: When we don't specify which thoughts we would like to receive, the other person may respond at great length with thoughts that aren't the ones we are seeking.

Front: The use of NVC requires that we be conscious of the [...], and to make that request for honesty in concrete language.
Back: The use of NVC requires that we be conscious of the specific form of honesty we would like to receive, and to make that request for honesty in concrete language.

Front: The use of NVC requires that we be conscious of the specific form of honesty we would like to receive, and to make that request for honesty [...].
Back: The use of NVC requires that we be conscious of the specific form of honesty we would like to receive, and to make that request for honesty in concrete language.

Front: It is especially important when we are [...] to be clear about the kind of understanding or honesty we want back from them after we've expressed ourselves.
Back: It is especially important when we are addressing a group to be clear about the kind of understanding or honesty we want back from them after we've expressed ourselves.

Front: It is especially important when we are addressing a group to be clear about the [...] after we've expressed ourselves.
Back: It is especially important when we are addressing a group to be clear about the kind of understanding or honesty we want back from them after we've expressed ourselves.

Front: When we are not clear about the response we'd like, we may initiate [...] that end up satisfying no one's needs.
Back: When we are not clear about the response we'd like, we may initiate unproductive conversations that end up satisfying no one's needs.

Front: When we are not clear about the response we'd like, we may initiate unproductive conversations that end
up [...].
Back: When we are not clear about the response we'd like, we may initiate unproductive conversations that end
up satisfying no one's needs.

Front: When we address a group without being clear what we are wanting back, [...] will often follow.
Back: When we address a group without being clear what we are wanting back, unproductive discussions will often follow.

Front: When we address a group without being [...], unproductive discussions will often follow.
Back: When we address a group without being clear what we are wanting back, unproductive discussions will often follow.

Front: For example, when this particular man didn't define what response he wanted, a member of the group might have said, (to clarify the issue) [...]
Back: For example, when this particular man didn't define what response he wanted, a member of the group might have said, "I'm confused about how you'd like us to respond to your story. Would you be willing to say what response you'd like from us?"

Front: Requests are received as demands when others believe [...].
Back: Requests are received as demands when others believe they will be blamed or punished if they do not comply.

Front: When people hear us make a demand, they see only two options: [...].
Back: When people hear us make a demand, they see only two options: submission or rebellion.

Front: When people [...], they see only two options: submission or rebellion.
Back: When people hear us make a demand, they see only two options: submission or rebellion.

Front: How to tell if it's a demand or a request: [...].
Back: How to tell if it's a demand or a request: Observe what the speaker does if the request is not complied with.

Front: The more we interpret [...], the more likely our requests will be heard as demands.
Back: The more we interpret noncompliance as rejection, the more likely our requests will be heard as demands.

Front: It's a demand if the speaker then lays [...].
Back: It's a demand if the speaker then lays a guilt-trip.

Front: It's a request if the speaker then [...].
Back: It's a request if the speaker then shows empathy toward the other person's needs.

Front: We can help others trust that we are requesting, not demanding, by indicating that we would only want the person to comply if [...].
Back: We can help others trust that we are requesting, not demanding, by indicating that we would only want the person to comply if he or she can do so willingly.

Front: We can [...], by indicating that we would only want the person to comply if he or she can do so willingly.
Back: We can help others trust that we are requesting, not demanding, by indicating that we would only want the person to comply if he or she can do so willingly.

Front: Choosing to request rather than demand does not mean we [...].
Back: Choosing to request rather than demand does not mean we give up when someone says "no" to our request.

Front: Choosing to request rather than demand means that we don't [...] until we have empathized with what's preventing the other person from saying "yes."
Back: Choosing to request rather than demand means that we don't engage in persuasion until we have empathized with what's preventing the other person from saying "yes."

Front: Choosing to request rather than demand means that we don't engage in persuasion until we have [...]
Back: Choosing to request rather than demand means that we don't engage in persuasion until we have empathized with what's preventing the other person from saying "yes."

Front: Expressing genuine requests also requires an awareness of [...].
Back: Expressing genuine requests also requires an awareness of our objective.

Front: The process is designed for those of us who would like others to [...], but only if they choose to do so willingly and compassionately.
Back: The process is designed for those of us who would like others to change and respond, but only if they choose to do so willingly and compassionately.

Front: The process is designed for those of us who would like others to change and respond, but only if they choose to do so [...].
Back: The process is designed for those of us who would like others to change and respond, but only if they choose to do so willingly and compassionately.

Front: The objective of NVC is to establish a relationship based on [...].
Back: The objective of NVC is to establish a relationship based on honesty and empathy.

Front: When others trust that our primary commitment is to [...], and that we expect this process to fulfill everyone's needs, then they can trust that our requests are true requests and not camouflaged demands.
Back: When others trust that our primary commitment is to the quality of the relationship, and that we expect this process to fulfill everyone's needs, then they can trust that our requests are true requests and not camouflaged demands.

Front: When others trust that our primary commitment is to the quality of the relationship, and that we expect this process to [...], then they can trust that our requests are true requests and not camouflaged demands.
Back: When others trust that our primary commitment is to the quality of the relationship, and that we expect this process to fulfill everyone's needs, then they can trust that our requests are true requests and not camouflaged demands.

Front: When others trust that our primary commitment is to the quality of the relationship, and that we expect this process to fulfill everyone's needs, then they can trust that our requests [...].
Back: When others trust that our primary commitment is to the quality of the relationship, and that we expect this process to fulfill everyone's needs, then they can trust that our requests are true requests and not camouflaged demands.

Front: Sometimes, however, even when we're conscious of our intent and express our request with care, some people [...].
Back: Sometimes, however, even when we're conscious of our intent and express our request with care, some people may still hear a demand.

Front: By giving people labels, we tend to act toward them in a way that [...], which we then view as further confirmation of our diagnosis.
Back: By giving people labels, we tend to act toward them in a way that contributes to the very behavior that concerns us, which we then view as further confirmation of our diagnosis.

Front: By giving people labels, we tend to act toward them in a way that contributes to the very behavior that concerns us, which we then view as [...].
Back: By giving people labels, we tend to act toward them in a way that contributes to the very behavior that concerns us, which we then view as further confirmation of our diagnosis.

Front: When we frame our needs in terms of [...], we are bound to judge others when they don't do as we request.
Back: When we frame our needs in terms of who "should" do or get what, we are bound to judge others when they don't do as we request.

Front: When we frame our needs in terms of who "should" do or get what, we are bound to [...].
Back: When we frame our needs in terms of who "should" do or get what, we are bound to judge others when they don't do as we request.

Front: clear or unclear request: I want you to understand me.
Back: unclear since "understand" does not express a specific action

Front: convert: I want you to understand me.
Back: I want you to tell me what you heard me say.

Front: clear or unclear request: I'd like you to tell me one thing that I did that you appreciate.
Back: clear request

Front: clear or unclear request: I'd like you to feel more confidence in yourself
Back: unclear request because "feel more confidence" is not a specific action

Front: convert: I'd like you to feel more confidence in yourself.
Back: I'd like you to take a course in assertiveness training, which I believe would increase your self-confidence.

Front: clear or unclear request: I want you to stop drinking.
Back: unclear request because it expresses what the speaker doesn't want instead of what the speaker wants

Front: convert: I want you to stop drinking.
Back: I want you to tell me what needs of yours are met by drinking and discuss with me other ways of meeting those needs.

Front: clear or unclear request: I'd like you to let me be me.
Back: unclear request because there is no specific action expressed

Front: convert: I'd like you to let me be me.
Back: I want you to tell me you won't leave our relationship--even if I do some things you don't like.

Front: clear or unclear request: I'd like you to be honest with me about yesterday's meeting.
Back: unclear, lack of specific action expressed

Front: convert: I'd like you to be honest with me about yesterday's meeting.
Back: I want you to tell me how you feel about what I did and what you'd like me to do differently.

Front: clear or unclear request: I would like you to drive at or below the speed limit.
Back: clear request

Front: clear or unclear request: I'd like to get to know you better.
Back: unclear, no specific action expressed

Front: convert: I'd like to get to know you better
Back: I'd like you to tell me if you would be willing to meet for lunch once a week.

Front: clear or unclear request: I would like you to show respect for my privacy.
Back: unclear request, no specific action expressed

Front: convert: I would like you to show respect for my privacy.
Back: I'd like you to agree to knock before you enter my office.

Front: clear or unclear request: I'd like you to prepare supper more often.
Back: unclear request because "more often" does not describe a specific action

Front: convert: I'd like you to prepare supper more often.
Back: I'd like you to prepare supper every Monday night.

Front: Empathy is [...].
Back: Empathy is a respectful understanding of what others are experiencing.

Front: [...], we often have a strong urge to give advice or reassurance and to explain our own position or feeling.
Back: Instead of offering empathy, we often have a strong urge to give advice or reassurance and to explain our own position or feeling.

Front: Instead of offering empathy, we often have a strong urge to [...] or reassurance and to explain our own position or feeling.
Back: Instead of offering empathy, we often have a strong urge to give advice or reassurance and to explain our own position or feeling.

Front: Instead of offering empathy, we often have a strong urge to give advice or [...] and to explain our own position or feeling.
Back: Instead of offering empathy, we often have a strong urge to give advice or reassurance and to explain our own position or feeling.

Front: Instead of offering empathy, we often have a strong urge to give advice or reassurance and to [...].
Back: Instead of offering empathy, we often have a strong urge to give advice or reassurance and to explain our own position or feeling.

Front: Empathy calls upon us to [...] and listen to others with our whole being.
Back: Empathy calls upon us to empty our mind and listen to others with our whole being.

Front: Empathy calls upon us to empty our mind and [...].
Back: Empathy calls upon us to empty our mind and listen to others with our whole being.

Front: In NVC, no matter what words others may use to express themselves, we simply listen for their [...].
Back: In NVC, no matter what words others may use to express themselves, we simply listen for their observations, feelings, needs, and request.

Front: In NVC, [...], we simply listen for their observations, feelings, needs, and request.
Back: In NVC, no matter what words others may use to express themselves, we simply listen for their observations, feelings, needs, and request.

Front: After listening for others' observations, feelings, needs, and requests, we may wish to [...].
Back: After listening for others' observations, feelings, needs, and requests, we may wish to reflect back, paraphrasing what we have understood.

Front: We stay with empathy, allowing others the opportunity to [...] before we turn our attention to solutions or requests for relief.
Back: We stay with empathy, allowing others the opportunity to fully express themselves before we turn our attention to solutions or requests for relief.

Front: We stay with empathy, allowing others the opportunity to fully express themselves before we turn our attention to [...] or requests for relief.
Back: We stay with empathy, allowing others the opportunity to fully express themselves before we turn our attention to solutions or requests for relief.

Front: We stay with empathy, allowing others the opportunity to fully express themselves before we turn our attention to solutions or [...].
Back: We stay with empathy, allowing others the opportunity to fully express themselves before we turn our attention to solutions or requests for relief.

Front: We need [...] to give empathy.
Back: We need empathy to give empathy.

Front: We need empathy to give [...].
Back: We need empathy to give empathy.

Front: When we sense ourselves being defensive or unable to empathize, we need to (a) [...] (b) scream nonviolently, or (c) take time out.
Back: When we sense ourselves being defensive or unable to empathize, we need to (a) stop, breathe, give ourselves empathy (b) scream nonviolently, or (c) take time out.

Front: When we sense ourselves being defensive or unable to empathize, we need to (a) stop, breathe, give ourselves empathy (b) [...], or (c) take time out.
Back: When we sense ourselves being defensive or unable to empathize, we need to (a) stop, breathe, give ourselves empathy (b) scream nonviolently, or (c) take time out.

Front: When we sense ourselves being defensive or unable to empathize, we need to (a) stop, breathe, give ourselves empathy (b) scream nonviolently, or (c) [...].
Back: When we sense ourselves being defensive or unable to empathize, we need to (a) stop, breathe, give ourselves empathy (b) scream nonviolently, or (c) take time out.

Front: In relating to others, empathy occurs only when we have [...].
Back: In relating to others, empathy occurrs only when we have successfully shed all preconceived ideas and judgments about them.

Front: Ask before offering [...] or [...].
Back: Ask before offering advice or reassurance.

Front: [...] before offering advice or reassurance.
Back: Ask before offering advice or reassurance.

Front: Behaviors that prevent us from being sufficiently present to connect empathically with others:
1. [...] a bunch of hooded advisees sitting around a block with Mrs. Frosch
Back: Advising

Front: Behaviors that prevent us from being sufficiently present to connect empathically with others:
1. Advising
2. [...] Mario hitting a block and getting a honeypot one-up
Back: One-upping

Front: Behaviors that prevent us from being sufficiently present to connect empathically with others:
1. Advising
2. One-upping
3. [...] a bunch of girls with hemmed skirts sitting on blocks in a classroom
Back: Educating

Front: Behaviors that prevent us from being sufficiently present to connect empathically with others:
1. Advising
2. One-upping
3. Educating
4. [...] a bunch on arrows sticking out of a block with a console screen on it
Back: Consoling

Front: Behaviors that prevent us from being sufficiently present to connect empathically with others:
1. Advising
2. One-upping
3. Educating
4. Consoling
5. [...] Tim Jennings steering a wheel on a block
Back: Story-telling

Front: Behaviors that prevent us from being sufficiently present to connect empathically with others:
1. Advising
2. One-upping
3. Educating
4. Consoling
5. Story-telling
6. [...] a witch bashing a computer with a block to shut it down
Back: Shutting down

Front: Behaviors that prevent us from being sufficiently present to connect empathically with others:
1. Advising
2. One-upping
3. Educating
4. Consoling
5. Story-telling
6. Shutting down
7. [...] a bunch of eggs on a path of blocks
Back: Sympathizing

Front: Behaviors that prevent us from being sufficiently present to connect empathically with others:
1. Advising
2. One-upping
3. Educating
4. Consoling
5. Story-telling
6. Shutting down
7. Sympathizing
8. [...] a block gate overgrown with ivy
Back: Interrogating

Front: Behaviors that prevent us from being sufficiently present to connect empathically with others:
1. Advising
2. One-upping
3. Educating
4. Consoling
5. Story-telling
6. Shutting down
7. Sympathizing
8. Interrogating
9. [...] one block tree with peas growing on it on a plain
Back: Explaining

Front: Behaviors that prevent us from being sufficiently present to connect empathically with others:
1. Advising
2. One-upping
3. Educating
4. Consoling
5. Story-telling
6. Shutting down
7. Sympathizing
8. Interrogating
9. Explaining
10. [...] a die sitting on a block with a red pen marking up a paper
Back: Correcting

Front: classify: "I think you should..." "How come you didn't...?"
Back: example of advising

Front: classify: "That's nothing; wait'll you hear what happened to me."
Back: example of one-upping

Front: classify: "This could turn into a very positive experience for you if you just."
Back: example of educating

Front: classify: "It wasn't your fault; you did the best you could."
Back: example of consoling

Front: classify: "That reminds me of the time..."
Back: example of story-telling

Front: classify: "Oh, you poor thing..."
Back: example of sympathizing

Front: classify: "Cheer up.  Don't feel so bad."
Back: example of shutting down

Front: classify: "When did this begin?"
Back: example of interrogating

Front: classify: "I would have called but..."
Back: example of explaining

Front: classify: "That's not how it happened."
Back: example of correcting

Front: [...] blocks empathy.
Back: Intellectual understanding blocks empathy.

Front: Intellectual understanding blocks [...].
Back: Intellectual understanding blocks empathy.

Front: Believing [...] prevents us from being present.
Back: Believing we have to "fix" situations and make others feel better prevents us from being present.

Front: Believing we have to "fix" situations and make others feel better [...].
Back: Believing we have to "fix" situations and make others feel better prevents us from being present.

Front: The key ingredient of empathy is [...].
Back: The key ingredient of empathy is presence.

Front: This quality of [...] distinguishes empathy from either mental understanding or sympathy.
Back: This quality of presence distinguishes empathy from either mental understanding or sympathy.

Front: This quality of presence distinguishes empathy from either [...] or sympathy.
Back: This quality of presence distinguishes empathy from either mental understanding or sympathy.

Front: This quality of presence distinguishes empathy from either mental understanding or [...].
Back: This quality of presence distinguishes empathy from either mental understanding or sympathy.

Front: translate: "What good does talking to you do.  You never listen."
Back: He is unhappy because he is needing to be heard.

Front: Listen to what people are [...] rather than what they are thinking about us.
Back: Listen to what people are needing rather than what they are thinking about us.

Front: Listen to what people are needing rather than what they are [...].
Back: Listen to what people are needing rather than what they are thinking about us.

Front: If we have accurately received the other party's message, our paraphrasing will [...].
Back: If we have accurately received the other party's message, our paraphrasing will confirm this for them.

Front: If we have [...], our paraphrasing will confirm this for them.
Back: If we have accurately received the other party's message, our paraphrasing will confirm this for them.

Front: If our paraphrase [...], the speaker has an opportunity to correct us.
Back: If our paraphrase is incorrect, the speaker has an opportunity to correct us.

Front: If our paraphrase is incorrect, the speaker has an opportunity to [...].
Back: If our paraphrase is incorrect, the speaker has an opportunity to correct us.

Front: Another advantage of our choosing to reflect a message back to the other party is that it offers them [...] and an opportunity to delve deeper into themselves.
Back: Another advantage of our choosing to reflect a message back to the other party is that it offers them time to reflect on what they've said and an opportunity to delve deeper into themselves.

Front: Another advantage of our choosing to reflect a message back to the other party is that it offers them time to reflect on what they've said and an opportunity to [...].
Back: Another advantage of our choosing to reflect a message back to the other party is that it offers them time to reflect on what they've said and an opportunity to delve deeper into themselves.

Front: NVC suggests that our paraphrasing take the form of questions that [...] while eliciting any necessary corrections from the speaker.
Back: NVC suggests that our paraphrasing take the form of questions that reveal our understanding while eliciting any necessary corrections from the speaker.

Front: NVC suggests that our paraphrasing take the form of questions that reveal our understanding while [...] from the speaker.
Back: NVC suggests that our paraphrasing take the form of questions that reveal our understanding while eliciting any necessary corrections from the speaker.

Front: Things paraphrasing may focus on:
1. [...]
Back: what others are observing

Front: Things paraphrasing may focus on:
1. what others are observing
2. [...]
Back: how others are feeling and the needs generating their feelings

Front: Things paraphrasing may focus on:
1. what others are observing
2. how others are feeling and the needs generating their feelings
3. [...]
Back: what others are requesting

Front: classify paraphrase: "Are you reacting to how many evenings I was gone last week?"
Back: example of paraphrasing what others are observing

Front: classify paraphrase: "Are you feeling hurt because you would have liked more appreciation of your efforts than you received?"
Back: example of paraphrasing how others are feeling and the needs generating their feelings

Front: classify: "Are you wanting me to tell me you my reasons for saying what I did?"
Back: exampe of paraphrasing what others are requesting

Front: classify: "What did I do that you are referring to?"
Back: asking for information without first sensing the speaker's reality

Front: classify: "How are you feeling?"  "Why are you feeling that way?"
Back: asking for information without first sensing the speaker's reality

Front: classify: "What are you wanting me to do about it?"
Back: asking for information without first sensing the speaker's reality

Front: Though they may appear to be [...], I've found that asking for information without first sensing the speaker's reality may give the impression we're a schoolteacher examining them or a psychotherapist working on a case.
Back: Though they may appear to be the most direct way to connect with what's going on within the other person, I've found that asking for information without first sensing the speaker's reality may give the impression we're a schoolteacher examining them or a psychotherapist working on a case.

Front: Though they may appear to be the most direct way to connect with what's going on within the other person, I've found that [...] may give the impression we're a schoolteacher examining them or a psychotherapist working on a case.
Back: Though they may appear to be the most direct way to connect with what's going on within the other person, I've found that asking for information without first sensing the speaker's reality may give the impression we're a schoolteacher examining them or a psychotherapist working on a case.

Front: Though they may appear to be the most direct way to connect with what's going on within the other person, I've found that asking for information without first sensing the speaker's reality may give the impression [...].
Back: Though they may appear to be the most direct way to connect with what's going on within the other person, I've found that asking for information without first sensing the speaker's reality may give the impression we're a schoolteacher examining them or a psychotherapist working on a case.

Front: If we do decide to ask for information without first sensing the speaker's reality, I've found that people feel [...] if we first reveal the feelings and needs within ourselves that are generating the question.
Back: If we do decide to ask for information without first sensing the speaker's reality, I've found that people feel safer if we first reveal the feelings and needs within ourselves that are generating the question.

Front: If we do decide to ask for information without first sensing the speaker's reality, I've found that people feel safer if we first [...].
Back: If we do decide to ask for information without first sensing the speaker's reality, I've found that people feel safer if we first reveal the feelings and needs within ourselves that are generating the question.

Front: If we do decide to [...], I've found that people feel safer if we first reveal the feelings and needs within ourselves that are generating the question.
Back: If we do decide to ask for information without first sensing the speaker's reality, I've found that people feel safer if we first reveal the feelings and needs within ourselves that are generating the question.

Front: convert: "What did I do?"
Back: "I'm frustrated because I'd like to be clearer about what you are referring to.  Would you be willing to tell me what I've done that leads you to see me this way?"

Front: I would recommend revealing the feelings and needs of ours that generate our questions particularly during moments when the questions we ask are [...].
Back: I would recommend revealing the feelings and needs of ours that generate our questions particularly during moments when the questions we ask are accompanied by strong emotions.

Front: I would recommend [...] particularly during moments when the questions we ask are accompanied by strong emotions.
Back: I would recommend revealing the feelings and needs of ours that generate our questions particularly during moments when the questions we ask are accompanied by strong emotions.

Front: When [...], first express our own feelings and needs.
Back: When asking for information, first express our own feelings and needs.

Front: When asking for information, first express [...].
Back: When asking for information, first express our own feelings and needs.

Front: When a speaker asks for confirmation that his message has been received, [...] will often be more reassuring than simplying hearing "Yes, I understand."
Back: When a speaker asks for confirmation that his message has been received, hearing a clear paraphrase will often be more reassuring than simplying hearing "Yes, I understand."

Front: When a speaker asks for confirmation that his message has been received, hearing a clear paraphrase will often be [...] than simplying hearing "Yes, I understand."
Back: When a speaker asks for confirmation that his message has been received, hearing a clear paraphrase will often be more reassuring than simplying hearing "Yes, I understand."

Front: When a speaker asks for confirmation that his message has been received, hearing a clear paraphrase will often be more reassuring than simply hearing [...]
Back: When a speaker asks for confirmation that his message has been received, hearing a clear paraphrase will often be more reassuring than simplying hearing "Yes, I understand."

Front: Reflect back messages that are [...].
Back: Reflect back messages that are emotionally charged.

Front: [...] messages that are emotionally charged.
Back: Reflect back messages that are emotionally charged.

Front: [...] only when it contribuse to greater compassion or understanding.
Back: Paraphrase only when it contribuse to greater compassion or understanding.

Front: Paraphrase only when it contribuse to greater [...] or understanding.
Back: Paraphrase only when it contribuse to greater compassion or understanding.

Front: Paraphrase only when it contribuse to greater compassion or [...].
Back: Paraphrase only when it contribuse to greater compassion or understanding.

Front: There are occasions when we may choose not to verbally reflect someone's statements out of respect for certain [...].
Back: There are occasions when we may choose not to verbally reflect someone's statements out of respect for certain cultural norms.

Front: There are occasions when we may choose not to [...] out of respect for certain cultural norms.
Back: There are occasions when we may choose not to verbally reflect someone's statements out of respect for certain cultural norms.

Front: When we paraphrase, the [...] we use is highly important.
Back: When we paraphrase, the tone of voice we use is highly important.

Front: When we paraphrase, the tone of voice we use is [...].
Back: When we paraphrase, the tone of voice we use is highly important.

Front: When we [...], the tone of voice we use is highly important.
Back: When we paraphrase, the tone of voice we use is highly important.

Front: When they hear [...], people are likely to be sensitive to the slightest hint of criticism or sarcasm.
Back: When they hear themselves reflected back, people are likely to be sensitive to the slightest hint of criticism or sarcasm.

Front: When they hear themselves reflected back, people are likely to be sensitive to the slightest hint of [...] or sarcasm.
Back: When they hear themselves reflected back, people are likely to be sensitive to the slightest hint of criticism or sarcasm.

Front: When they hear themselves reflected back, people are likely to be sensitive to the slightest hint of criticism or [...].
Back: When they hear themselves reflected back, people are likely to be sensitive to the slightest hint of criticism or sarcasm.

Front: When we paraphrase, people are negatively affected by a [...] tone that implies that we are telling them what is going on inside of them.
Back: When we paraphrase, people are negatively affected by a declarative tone that implies that we are telling them what is going on inside of them.

Front: When we paraphrase, people are negatively affected by a declarative tone that implies that we are telling them [...].
Back: When we paraphrase, people are negatively affected by a declarative tone that implies that we are telling them what is going on inside of them.

Front: If we are consciously [...], however, our tone communicates that we're asking whether we have understood--not claiming that we have understood.
Back: If we are consciously listening for other people's feelings and needs, however, our tone communicates that we're asking whether we have understood--not claiming that we have understood.

Front: If we are consciously listening for other people's feelings and needs, however, our [...] communicates that we're asking whether we have understood--not claiming that we have understood.
Back: If we are consciously listening for other people's feelings and needs, however, our tone communicates that we're asking whether we have understood--not claiming that we have understood.

Front: If we are consciously listening for other people's feelings and needs, however, our tone communicates that we're [...]--not claiming that we have understood.
Back: If we are consciously listening for other people's feelings and needs, however, our tone communicates that we're asking whether we have understood--not claiming that we have understood.

Front: If we are consciously listening for other people's feelings and needs, however, our tone communicates that we're asking whether we have understood--not [...].
Back: If we are consciously listening for other people's feelings and needs, however, our tone communicates that we're asking whether we have understood--not claiming that we have understood.

Front: Behind [...] messages are simply people appleaing to us to meet their needs.
Back: Behind intimidating messages are simply people appleaing to us to meet their needs.

Front: Behind intimidating messages are simply people appealing to us to [...].
Back: Behind intimidating messages are simply people appleaing to us to meet their needs.

Front: We also need to be prepare for the possibility that the [...] behind our paraphrasing will be misinterpreted.
Back: We also need to be prepare for the possibility that the intention behind our paraphrasing will be misinterpreted.

Front: We also need to be prepare for the possibility that the intention behind our paraphrasing will be [...].
Back: We also need to be prepare for the possibility that the intention behind our paraphrasing will be misinterpreted.

Front: Should our intention paraphrasing be misinterpreted, we continue our effort to [...]; perhaps we see in this case that the speaker doesn't trust our motives and needs more understanding of our intentions before he can appreciate hearing our paraphrases.
Back: Should our intention paraphrasing be misinterpreted, we continue our effort to sense the speaker's feelings and needs; perhaps we see in this case that the speaker doesn't trust our motives and needs more understanding of our intentions before he can appreciate hearing our paraphrases.

Front: Should our intention paraphrasing be misinterpreted, we continue our effort to sense the speaker's feelings and needs; perhaps we see in this case that the speaker [...] and needs more understanding of our intentions before he can appreciate hearing our paraphrases.
Back: Should our intention paraphrasing be misinterpreted, we continue our effort to sense the speaker's feelings and needs; perhaps we see in this case that the speaker doesn't trust our motives and needs more understanding of our intentions before he can appreciate hearing our paraphrases.

Front: Should our intention paraphrasing be misinterpreted, we continue our effort to sense the speaker's feelings and needs; perhaps we see in this case that the speaker doesn't trust our motives and needs [...] before he can appreciate hearing our paraphrases.
Back: Should our intention paraphrasing be misinterpreted, we continue our effort to sense the speaker's feelings and needs; perhaps we see in this case that the speaker doesn't trust our motives and needs more understanding of our intentions before he can appreciate hearing our paraphrases.

Front: Should our intention paraphrasing be misinterpreted, we continue our effort to sense the speaker's feelings and needs; perhaps we see in this case that the speaker doesn't trust our motives and needs more understanding of our intentions before he can [...].
Back: Should our intention paraphrasing be misinterpreted, we continue our effort to sense the speaker's feelings and needs; perhaps we see in this case that the speaker doesn't trust our motives and needs more understanding of our intentions before he can appreciate hearing our paraphrases.

Front: All [...], attack, insults, judgments vanish when we focus attention on hearing the feelings and needs behind a message.
Back: All criticism, attack, insults, judgments vanish when we focus attention on hearing the feelings and needs behind a message.

Front: All criticism, [...], insults, judgments vanish when we focus attention on hearing the feelings and needs behind a message.
Back: All criticism, attack, insults, judgments vanish when we focus attention on hearing the feelings and needs behind a message.

Front: All criticism, attack, [...], judgments vanish when we focus attention on hearing the feelings and needs behind a message.
Back: All criticism, attack, insults, judgments vanish when we focus attention on hearing the feelings and needs behind a message.

Front: All criticism, attack, insults, [...] vanish when we focus attention on hearing the feelings and needs behind a message.
Back: All criticism, attack, insults, judgments vanish when we focus attention on hearing the feelings and needs behind a message.

Front: All criticism, attack, insults, judgments vanish when we [...].
Back: All criticism, attack, insults, judgments vanish when we focus attention on hearing the feelings and needs behind a message.

Front: When we receive intimidating messages with the awareness that they are [...], we never feel dehumanized by what others have to say to us.
Back: When we receive intimidating messages with the awareness that they are merely the expression of unmet needs, we never feel dehumanized by what others have to say to us.

Front: When we receive intimidating messages with the awareness that they are merely the expression of unmet needs, we never feel [...] by what others have to say to us.
Back: When we receive intimidating messages with the awareness that they are merely the expression of unmet needs, we never feel dehumanized by what others have to say to us.

Front: We only feel [...] when we get trapped in derogatory images of other people or thoughts of wrongness about ourselves.
Back: We only feel dehumanized when we get trrapped in derogatory images of other people or thoughts of wrongness about ourselves.

Front: We only feel dehumanized when we get trapped in [...] or thoughts of wrongness about ourselves.
Back: We only feel dehumanized when we get trrapped in derogatory images of other people or thoughts of wrongness about ourselves.

Front: We only feel dehumanized when we get trapped in derogatory images of other people or thoughts of [...].
Back: We only feel dehumanized when we get trrapped in derogatory images of other people or thoughts of wrongness about ourselves.

Front: We begin to feel [...] when messages previously experienced as critical or blaming begin to be seen for the gifts they are: opportunities to give to people who are in pain.
Back: We begin to feel bliss when messages previously experienced as critical blaming begin to be seen for the gifts they are: opportunities to give to people who are in pain.

Front: We begin to feel bliss when messages previously experienced as [...] begin to be seen for the gifts they are: opportunities to give to people who are in pain.
Back: We begin to feel bliss when messages previously experienced as critical or blaming begin to be seen for the gifts they are: opportunities to give to people who are in pain.

Front: We begin to feel bliss when messages previously experienced as critical or blaming begin to be seen for the [...] they are: opportunities to give to people who are in pain.
Back: We begin to feel bliss when messages previously experienced as critical or blaming begin to be seen for the gifts they are: opportunities to give to people who are in pain.

Front: We begin to feel bliss when messages previously experienced as critical or blaming begin to be seen for the gifts they are: opportunities to [...].
Back: We begin to feel bliss when messages previously experienced as critical or blaming begin to be seen for the gifts they are: opportunities to give to people who are in pain.

Front: A [...] becomes an opportunity to enrich someone's life.
Back: A difficult message becomes an opportunity to enrich someone's life.

Front: A difficult message becomes an opportunity to [...].
Back: A difficult message becomes an opportunity to enrich someone's life.

Front: When we ourselves are talking, we can make it [...] for the listener if we clearly signify when we want or don't want our words to be reflected back to us.
Back: When we ourselves are talking, we can make it easier for the listener if we clearly signify when we want or don't want our words to be reflected back to us.

Front: When we ourselves are talking, we can make it easier for the listener if we [...] when we want or don't want our words to be reflected back to us.
Back: When we ourselves are talking, we can make it easier for the listener if we clearly signify when we want or don't want our words to be reflected back to us.

Front: When we ourselves are talking, we can make it easier for the listener if we clearly signify when we want or don't want our words to be [...].
Back: When we ourselves are talking, we can make it easier for the listener if we clearly signify when we want or don't want our words to be reflected back to us.

Front: There are occasions when we may choose [...] out of respect for certain cultural norms.
Back: There are occasions when we may choose not to verbally reflect someone's statements out of respect for certain cultural norms.

Front: There are occasions when we may choose not to verbally reflect someone's statements out of respect for [...].
Back: There are occasions when we may choose not to verbally reflect someone's statements out of respect for certain cultural norms.

Front: We need to be [...] the intention behind our paraphrasing will be misinterpreted.
Back: We need to be prepared for the possibility that the intention behind our paraphrasing will be misinterpreted.

Front: We need to be prepared for the possibility that the [...] behind our paraphrasing will be misinterpreted.
Back: We need to be prepared for the possibility that the intention behind our paraphrasing will be misinterpreted.

Front: We need to be prepared for the possibility that the intention behind our paraphrasing will be [...].
Back: We need to be prepared for the possibility that the intention behind our paraphrasing will be misinterpreted.

Front: If [...], we continue our effort to sense the speaker's feelings and needs; perhaps we see in this case that the speaker doesn't trust our motives and needs more understanding of our intentions before he can appreciate hearing our paraphrases.
Back: If the intention behind our paraphrasing is misunderstood, we continue our effort to sense the speaker's feelings and needs; perhaps we see in this case that the speaker doesn't trust our motives and needs more understanding of our intentions before he can appreciate hearing our paraphrases.

Front: If the intention behind our paraphrasing is misunderstood, we continue our effort to sense the speaker's feelings and needs; perhaps we see in this case that the speaker [...] and needs more understanding of our intentions before he can appreciate hearing our paraphrases.
Back: If the intention behind our paraphrasing is misunderstood, we continue our effort to sense the speaker's feelings and needs; perhaps we see in this case that the speaker doesn't trust our motives and needs more understanding of our intentions before he can appreciate hearing our paraphrases.

Front: If the intention behind our paraphrasing is misunderstood, we continue our effort to sense the speaker's feelings and needs; perhaps we see in this case that the speaker doesn't trust our motives and [...] before he can appreciate hearing our paraphrases.
Back: If the intention behind our paraphrasing is misunderstood, we continue our effort to sense the speaker's feelings and needs; perhaps we see in this case that the speaker doesn't trust our motives and needs more understanding of our intentions before he can appreciate hearing our paraphrases.

Front: If the intention behind our paraphrasing is misunderstood, we continue our effort to sense the speaker's feelings and needs; perhaps we see in this case that the speaker doesn't trust our motives and needs more understanding of our intentions before he can [...].
Back: If the intention behind our paraphrasing is misunderstood, we continue our effort to sense the speaker's feelings and needs; perhaps we see in this case that the speaker doesn't trust our motives and needs more understanding of our intentions before he can appreciate hearing our paraphrases.

Front: If it [...] that people distrust our motives and sincerity when we paraphrase their words, we may need to examine our own intentions more closely.
Back: If it happens regularly that people distrust our motives and sincerity when we paraphrase their words, we may need to examine our own intentions more closely.

Front: If it happens regularly that people [...] when we paraphrase their words, we may need to examine our own intentions more closely.
Back: If it happens regularly that people distrust our motives and sincerity when we paraphrase their words, we may need to examine our own intentions more closely.

Front: If it happens regularly that people distrust our motives and sincerity when we [...], we may need to examine our own intentions more closely.
Back: If it happens regularly that people distrust our motives and sincerity when we paraphrase their words, we may need to examine our own intentions more closely.

Front: If it happens regularly that people distrust our motives and sincerity when we paraphrase their words, we may need to [...].
Back: If it happens regularly that people distrust our motives and sincerity when we paraphrase their words, we may need to examine our own intentions more closely.

Front: Perhaps if people regularly distrust our motives when we paraphrase their words we are paraphrasing and engaging the components of NVC in a [...] without maintaining clear consciousness of purpose.
Back: Perhaps if people regularly distrust our motives when we paraphrase their words we are paraphrasing and engaging the components of NVC in a mechanistic way without maintaining clear consciousness of purpose.

Front: Perhaps if people regularly distrust our motives when we paraphrase their words we are paraphrasing and engaging the components of NVC in a mechanistic way without [...].
Back: Perhaps if people regularly distrust our motives when we paraphrase their words we are paraphrasing and engaging the components of NVC in a mechanistic way without maintaining clear consciousness of purpose.

Front: Some people resist [...] as a waste of time.
Back: Some people resist paraphrasing as a waste of time.

Front: Some people resist paraphrasing as a [...].
Back: Some people resist paraphrasing as a waste of time.

Front: Paraphrasing tends to [...] time.
Back: Paraphrasing tends to save, rather than waste, time.

Front: [...] demonstrate that the time required to reach conflict resolution is cut in half when each negotiator agrees, before responding, to accurately repeat what the previous speaker had said.
Back: Studies in labor-management negotiations demonstrate that the time required to reach conflict resolution is cut in half when each negotiator agrees, before responding, to accurately repeat what the previous speaker had said.

Front: Studies in labor-management negotiations demonstrate that the time required to reach conflict resolution [...] when each negotiator agrees, before responding, to accurately repeat what the previous speaker had said.
Back: Studies in labor-management negotiations demonstrate that the time required to reach conflict resolution is cut in half when each negotiator agrees, before responding, to accurately repeat what the previous speaker had said.

Front: Studies in labor-management negotiations demonstrate that the time required to reach conflict resolution is cut in half when [...].
Back: Studies in labor-management negotiations demonstrate that the time required to reach conflict resolution is cut in half when each negotiator agrees, before responding, to accurately repeat what the previous speaker had said.

Front: It is a [...] experience to receive concrete evidence that someone is empathically connected to us.
Back: It is a poignant experience to receive concrete evidence that someone is empathically connected to us.

Front: It is a poignant experience to receive [...] that someone is empathically connected to us.
Back: It is a poignant experience to receive concrete evidence that someone is empathically connected to us.

Front: It is a poignant experience to receive concrete evidence that someone is [...].
Back: It is a poignant experience to receive concrete evidence that someone is empathically connected to us.

Front: [...], we allow speakers to touch deeper levels of themselves.
Back: Staying with empathy, we allow speakers to touch deeper levels of themselves.

Front: Staying with empathy, we allow speakers to [...].
Back: Staying with empathy, we allow speakers to touch deeper levels of themselves.

Front: We know the speaker has [...] when a. we sense a release of tension, or b. the flow of words comes to a halt.
Back: We know the speaker has received adequate empathy when a. we sense a release of tension, or b. the flow of words comes to a halt.

Front: We know the speaker has received adequate empathy when a. [...], or b. the flow of words comes to a halt.
Back: We know the speaker has received adequate empathy when a. we sense a release of tension, or b. the flow of words comes to a halt.

Front: We know the speaker has received adequate empathy when a. we sense a release of tension, or b. [...].
Back: We know the speaker has received adequate empathy when a. we sense a release of tension, or b. the flow of words comes to a halt.

Front: When we [...] to what people might be requesting, we may not convey our genuine interest in their feelings and needs.
Back: When we proceed too quickly to what people might be requesting, we may not convey our genuine interest in their feelings and needs.

Front: When we proceed too quickly to [...], we may not convey our genuine interest in their feelings and needs.
Back: When we proceed too quickly to what people might be requesting, we may not convey our genuine interest in their feelings and needs.

Front: When we proceed too quickly to what people might be requesting, we may not convey our [...].
Back: When we proceed too quickly to what people might be requesting, we may not convey our genuine interest in their feelings and needs.

Front: If we proceed to quickly to what people are requesting, they may get the impression that we're in a hurry to either [...] or to fix their problem.
Back: If we proceed to quickly to what people are requesting, they may get the impression that we're in a hurry to either be free of them or to fix their problem.

Front: If we proceed to quickly to what people are requesting, they may get the impression that we're in a hurry to either be free of them or to [...].
Back: If we proceed to quickly to what people are requesting, they may get the impression that we're in a hurry to either be free of them or to fix their problem.

Front: [...] is often like the tip of an iceberg; it may be followed by yet unexpressed, but related—and often more powerful—feelings.
Back: An initial message is often like the tip of an iceberg; it may be followed by yet unexpressed, but related—and often more powerful—feelings.

Front: An initial message is often [...]; it may be followed by yet unexpressed, but related—and often more powerful—feelings.
Back: An initial message is often like the tip of an iceberg; it may be followed by yet unexpressed, but related—and often more powerful—feelings.

Front: An initial message is often like the tip of an iceberg; it may be followed by [...], but related—and often more powerful—feelings.
Back: An initial message is often like the tip of an iceberg; it may be followed by yet unexpressed, but related—and often more powerful—feelings.

Front: An initial message is often like the tip of an iceberg; it may be followed by yet unexpressed, but [...]—and often more powerful—feelings.
Back: An initial message is often like the tip of an iceberg; it may be followed by yet unexpressed, but related—and often more powerful—feelings.

Front: An initial message is often like the tip of an iceberg; it may be followed by yet unexpressed, but related—[...]—feelings.
Back: An initial message is often like the tip of an iceberg; it may be followed by yet unexpressed, but related—and often more powerful—feelings.

Front: By [...], we offer them a chance to fully explore and express their interior selves.
Back: By maintaining our attention on what's going on within others, we offer them a chance to fully explore and express their interior selves.

Front: By maintaining our attention on what's going on within others, we [...].
Back: By maintaining our attention on what's going on within others, we offer them a chance to fully explore and express their interior selves.

Front: First, when an individual realizes that [...] has received full empathic understanding, they will experience a sense of relief.
Back: First, when an individual realizes that everything going on within has received full empathic understanding, they will experience a sense of relief.

Front: First, when an individual realizes that everything going on within has [...], they will experience a sense of relief.
Back: First, when an individual realizes that everything going on within has received full empathic understanding, they will experience a sense of relief.

Front: First, when an individual realizes that everything going on within has received full empathic understanding, they will [...].
Back: First, when an individual realizes that everything going on within has received full empathic understanding, they will experience a sense of relief.

Front: We can become aware of the release accompanies full empathic understanding by noticing a [...].
Back: We can become aware of the release accompanies full empathic understanding by noticing a corresponding release of tension in our own body.

Front: If we are uncertain as to whether we have stayed long enough in the process, we can always [...]
Back: If we are uncertain as to whether we have stayed long enough in the process, we can always ask, "Is there more that you wanted to say?"

Front: If we are [...], we can always ask, "Is there more that you wanted to say?"
Back: If we are uncertain as to whether we have stayed long enough in the process, we can always ask, "Is there more that you wanted to say?"

Front: If we find ourselves [...] (two things) to empathize despite our efforts, it is usually a sign that we are too starved for empathy to be able to offer it to others.
Back: If we find ourselves unable or unwilling to empathize despite our efforts, it is usually a sign that we are too starved for empathy to be able to offer it to others.

Front: If we find ourselves unable or unwilling to [...] despite our efforts, it is usually a sign that we are too starved for empathy to be able to offer it to others.
Back: If we find ourselves unable or unwilling to empathize despite our efforts, it is usually a sign that we are too starved for empathy to be able to offer it to others.

Front: If we find ourselves unable or unwilling to empathize despite our efforts, it is usually a sign that [...].
Back: If we find ourselves unable or unwilling to empathize despite our efforts, it is usually a sign that we are too starved for empathy to be able to offer it to others.

Front: Sometimes if we [...] that our own distress is preventing us from responding empathically, the other person may come through with the empathy we need.
Back: Sometimes if we openly acknowledge that our own distress is preventing us from responding empathically, the other person may come through with the empathy we need.

Front: Sometimes if we openly acknowledge that [...] is preventing us from responding empathically, the other person may come through with the empathy we need.
Back: Sometimes if we openly acknowledge that our own distress is preventing us from responding empathically, the other person may come through with the empathy we need.

Front: Sometimes if we openly acknowledge that our own distress is [...], the other person may come through with the empathy we need.
Back: Sometimes if we openly acknowledge that our own distress is preventing us from responding empathically, the other person may come through with the empathy we need.

Front: Sometimes if we openly acknowledge that our own distress is preventing us from responding empathically, the other person may [...].
Back: Sometimes if we openly acknowledge that our own distress is preventing us from responding empathically, the other person may come through with the empathy we need.

Front: It may be necessary to provide ourselves with some [...] by listening to what's going on in ourselves with the same quality of presence and attention that we offer to others.
Back: It may be necessary to provide ourselves with some "emergency first aid" empathy by listening to what's going on in ourselves with the same quality of presence and attention that we offer to others.

Front: It may be necessary to provide ourselves with some "emergency first aid" empathy by [...] with the same quality of presence and attention that we offer to others.
Back: It may be necessary to provide ourselves with some "emergency first aid" empathy by listening to what's going on in ourselves with the same quality of presence and attention that we offer to others.

Front: It may be necessary to provide ourselves with some "emergency first aid" empathy by listening to what's going on in ourselves with [...].
Back: It may be necessary to provide ourselves with some "emergency first aid" empathy by listening to what's going on in ourselves with the same quality of presence and attention that we offer to others.

Front: The former United Nations secretary-general, Dag Hammarskjold, once said, "The more [...], the better you will hear what is happening outside."
Back: The former United Nations secretary-general, Dag Hammarskjold, once said, "The more faithfully you listen to the voice within you, the better you will hear what is happening outside."

Front: The former United Nations secretary-general, Dag Hammarskjold, once said, "The more faithfully you listen to the voice within you, the [...]."
Back: The former United Nations secretary-general, Dag Hammarskjold, once said, "The more faithfully you listen to the voice within you, the better you will hear what is happening outside."

Front: If we [...], we often experience in just a few seconds a natural release of energy that then enables us to be present with the other person.
Back: If we become skilled in giving ourselves empathy, we often experience in just a few seconds a natural release of energy that then enables us to be present with the other person.

Front: If we become skilled in giving ourselves empathy, we often experience [...] a natural release of energy that then enables us to be present with the other person.
Back: If we become skilled in giving ourselves empathy, we often experience in just a few seconds a natural release of energy that then enables us to be present with the other person.

Front: If we become skilled in giving ourselves empathy, we often experience in just a few seconds a [...] that then enables us to be present with the other person.
Back: If we become skilled in giving ourselves empathy, we often experience in just a few seconds a natural release of energy that then enables us to be present with the other person.

Front: If we become skilled in giving ourselves empathy, we often experience in just a few seconds a natural release of energy that then [...].
Back: If we become skilled in giving ourselves empathy, we often experience in just a few seconds a natural release of energy that then enables us to be present with the other person.

Front: If we are able to speak our pain [...], I find that even people in distress are sometimes able to hear our need.
Back: If we are able to speak our pain nakedly without blame, I find that even people in distress are sometimes able to hear our need.

Front: If we are able to speak our pain nakedly without blame, I find that even [...] are sometimes able to hear our need.
Back: If we are able to speak our pain nakedly without blame, I find that even people in distress are sometimes able to hear our need.

Front: If we are able to speak our pain nakedly without blame, I find that even people in distress are sometimes able to [...].
Back: If we are able to speak our pain nakedly without blame, I find that even people in distress are sometimes able to hear our need.

Front: I [...] by calling attention to my own desperate needs and pain in this moment.
Back: I scream nonviolently by calling attention to my own desperate needs and pain in this moment.

Front: I scream nonviolently by [...] my own desperate needs and pain in this moment.
Back: I scream nonviolently by calling attention to my own desperate needs and pain in this moment.

Front: I scream nonviolently by calling attention to my own [...] in this moment.
Back: I scream nonviolently by calling attention to my own desperate needs and pain in this moment.

Front: If the other party is [...] that they can neither hear us nor leave us alone, the third recourse is to physically remove ourselves from the situation.
Back: If the other party is also experiencing such intensity of feelings that they can neither hear us nor leave us alone, the third recourse is to physically remove ourselves from the situation.

Front: If the other party is also experiencing such intensity of feelings that [...], the third recourse is to physically remove ourselves from the situation.
Back: If the other party is also experiencing such intensity of feelings that they can neither hear us nor leave us alone, the third recourse is to physically remove ourselves from the situation.

Front: If the other party is also experiencing such intensity of feelings that they can neither hear us nor leave us alone, the third recourse is to [...].
Back: If the other party is also experiencing such intensity of feelings that they can neither hear us nor leave us alone, the third recourse is to physically remove ourselves from the situation.

Front: Physically removing ourselves from a situation will give ourselves time out and the opportunity to [...] to return in a different frame of mind.
Back: Physically removing ourselves from a situation will give ourselves time out and the opportunity to acquire the empathy we need to return in a different frame of mind.

Front: Physically removing ourselves from a situation will give ourselves time out and the opportunity to acquire the empathy we need to [...].
Back: Physically removing ourselves from a situation will give ourselves time out and the opportunity to acquire the empathy we need to return in a different frame of mind.

Front: NVC is not simply [...] or a set of techniques for using words.
Back: NVC is not simply a language or a set of techniques for using words.

Front: NVC is not simply a language or a [...].
Back: NVC is not simply a language or a set of techniques for using words.

Front: The [...] that NVC embraces may be expressed through silence, a quality of presence, as well as through facial expressions and body language.
Back: The consciousness and intent that NVC embraces may be expressed through silence, a quality of presence, as well as through facial expressions and body language.

Front: The consciousness and intent that NVC embraces may [...] through silence, a quality of presence, as well as through facial expressions and body language.
Back: The consciousness and intent that NVC embraces may be expressed through silence, a quality of presence, as well as through facial expressions and body language.

Front: The consciousness and intent that NVC embraces may be expressed through [...], a quality of presence, as well as through facial expressions and body language.
Back: The consciousness and intent that NVC embraces may be expressed through silence, a quality of presence, as well as through facial expressions and body language.

Front: The consciousness and intent that NVC embraces may be expressed through silence, [...], as well as through facial expressions and body language.
Back: The consciousness and intent that NVC embraces may be expressed through silence, a quality of presence, as well as through facial expressions and body language.

Front: The consciousness and intent that NVC embraces may be expressed through silence, a quality of presence, as well as through [...] and body language.
Back: The consciousness and intent that NVC embraces may be expressed through silence, a quality of presence, as well as through facial expressions and body language.

Front: The consciousness and intent that NVC embraces may be expressed through silence, a quality of presence, as well as through facial expressions and [...].
Back: The consciousness and intent that NVC embraces may be expressed through silence, a quality of presence, as well as through facial expressions and body language.

Front: Moments of [...], stories, humor, and gestures all contribute to a more natural flow of connection between the two parties.
Back: Moments of silent empathy, stories, humor, and gestures all contribute to a more natural flow of connection between the two parties.

Front: Moments of silent empathy, [...], humor, and gestures all contribute to a more natural flow of connection between the two parties.
Back: Moments of silent empathy, stories, humor, and gestures all contribute to a more natural flow of connection between the two parties.

Front: Moments of silent empathy, stories, [...], and gestures all contribute to a more natural flow of connection between the two parties.
Back: Moments of silent empathy, stories, humor, and gestures all contribute to a more natural flow of connection between the two parties.

Front: Moments of silent empathy, stories, humor, and [...] all contribute to a more natural flow of connection between the two parties.
Back: Moments of silent empathy, stories, humor, and gestures all contribute to a more natural flow of connection between the two parties.

Front: Moments of silent empathy, stories, humor, and gestures all contribute to [...] between the two parties.
Back: Moments of silent empathy, stories, humor, and gestures all contribute to a more natural flow of connection between the two parties.

Front: He: Murderer!
I: [...]
Back: Are you angry because you would like my government to use its resources differently? (I didn't know whether my guess was correct, but what is critical is my sincere effort to connect with his feelng and need.)

Front: I: Are you angry because you would like my government to use its resources differently?
He: Damn right I'm angry! You think we need tear gas?  We need sewers, not your tear gas!  We need housing!  We need to have our own country!
I: [...]
Back: So you're furious and would appreciate some support in improving your living conditions and gaining political independence?

Front: I: So you're furious and would appreciate some support in improving your living conditions and gaining political independence?
He: Do you know what it's like to live here for twenty-seven years the way I have with my family--children and all?  Have you got the faintest idea what that's been like for us?
I: [...]
Back: It sounds like you're feeling very desperate and you're wondering whether I or anybody else can really understand what it's like to be living under these conditions.  Am I hearing you right?

Front: I: It sounds like you're feeling very desperate and you're wondering whether I or anybody else can really understand what it's like to be living under these conditions.  Am I hearing you right?
He: You want to understand?  Tell me, do you have children?  Do they go to school?  Do they have playgrounds?  My son is sick!  He plays in open sewage!  His classroom has no books!  Have you seen a school that has no books?
I: [...]
Back: I hear how painful it is for you to raise your children here; you'd like me to know that what you want is what all parents want for their children--a good education, opportunity to play and grow in a healthy environment…

Front: I: I hear how painful it is for you to raise your children here; you'd like me to know that what you want is what all parents want for their children--a good education, opportunity to play and grow in a healthy environment…
He: That's right, the basics!  Human rights--isn't that what you Americans call it?  Why don't more of you come here and see what kind of human rights you're bringing here!
I: [...]
Back: You'd like more Americans to be aware of the enormity of the suffering here and to look more deeply at the consequences of our political actions?

Front: Phil: You're the most arrogant speaker we've ever had!
MBR: [...]
Back: (guessing at the observations he was making) Are you reacting to my having taken 30 minutes to present my views before giving you a chance to talk?

Front: MBR: (guessing at the observations he was making) Are you reacting to my having taken 30 minutes to present my views before giving you a chance to talk?
Phil: No, you make it sound so simple.
MBR: [...]
Back: (trying to obtain further clarification) Are you reacting to my not having said anything about how the process can be difficult for some people to apply?

Front: MBR: (trying to obtain further clarification) Are you reacting to my not having said anything about how the process can be difficult for some people to apply?
Phil: Not some people--you!
MBR: [...]
Back: So you're reacting to my not having said that the process can be difficult for me at times?

Front: MBR: So you're reacting to my not having said that the process can be difficult for me at times?
Phil: That's right.
MBR: [...]
Back: Are you feeling annoyed because you would have liked some sign from me that indicated that I have some problems with the process myself?

Front: MBR: Are you feeling annoyed because you would have liked some sign from me that indicated that I have some problems with the process myself?
Phil: (after a moment's pause) That's right.
MBR: [...]
Back: (More relaxed now that I am in touch with the person's feeling and need, I direct my attention to what he might be requesting of me) Would you like me to admit right now that this process can be a struggle for me to apply?

Front: MBR: (More relaxed now that I am in touch with the person's feeling and need, I direct my attention to what he might be requesting of me) Would you like me to admit right now that this process can be a struggle for me to apply?
Phil: Yes.
MBR: [...]
Back: (Having gotten clear on his observation, feeling need and request, I check inside myself to see if I am willing to do as he requests) Yes, this process is often difficult for me.  As we continue with the workshop, you'll probably hear me describe several incidents where I've struggled…or completely lost touch…with this process, this consciousness, that I am presenting here to you.  But what keeps me in the struggle are the close connections to other people that happen when I do stay with the process.

Front: (Al and Burt have been best friends for over thirty years.  Al, a non-smoker, has done everything he can over the years to persuade Burt to give up his two-pack-a-day habit.  Aware during the past year of the increasing severity of his friend's hacking cough, Al finds himself bursting out one day with all the energy and life that had been buried in his unexpressed anger and fear.)
Al: [...]
Back: Burt I know we've talked about this a dozen times, but listen.  I'm scared your damned cigarettes are going to kill you!  You're my best friend, and I want you around for as long as I can have you.  Please don't think I'm judging you.  I'm not--I'm just really worried.  (In the past, when Al had tried to get him to quit, Burt had often accused Al of judging him.)

Front: Al: Burt I know we've talked about this a dozen times, but listen.  I'm scared your damned cigarettes are going to kill you!  You're my best friend, and I want you around for as long as I can have you.  Please don't think I'm judging you.  I'm not--I'm just really worried.  (In the past, when Al had tried to get him to quit, Burt had often accused Al of judging him.)
Burt: No, I hear your concern.  We've been friends for a long time…
Al: [...]
Back: (making a request) Would you be willing to quit?

Front: Al: (making a request) Would you be willing to quit?
Burt: I wish I could.
Al: [...]
Back: (listening for the feelings and needs preventing Burt from agreeing to the request) Are you scared to try because you don't want to fail?

Front: Al: (listening for the feelings and needs preventing Burt from agreeing to the request) Are you scared to try because you don't want to fail?
Burt: Yeah…you know how many times I've tried before…I know people think less of me for not being able to quit.
Al: [...]
Back: (guessing at what Burt might want to request) I don't think less of you. And if you tried and failed again, I still wouldn't.  I just wish you'd try.

Front: Al: (guessing at what Burt might want to request) I don't think less of you. And if you tried and failed again, I still wouldn't.  I just wish you'd try.
Burt: Thanks.  But you're not the only one… It's everyone: you can see it in their eyes--they think you're a failure.
Al: [...]
Back: (empathizing with Burt's feeling) Is it kind of overwhelming to worry about what others might think, when just quitting is hard enough?

Front: Al: (empathizing with Burt's feeling) Is it kind of overwhelming to worry about what others might think, when just quitting is hard enough?
Burt: I really hate the idea that I might be addicted, that I have something I just can't control…
Al: [...]
Back: (his eyes connecting with Burt's, nods head in affirmative.  Al's interest and attention to Burt's deep feelings and needs are revealed through his eyes and the silence that follows).

Front: Al: (his eyes connecting with Burt's, nods head in affirmative.  Al's interest and attention to Burt's deep feelings and needs are revealed through his eyes and the silence that follows).
Burt: I mean, I don't even like smoking any more.  It's like you're a pariah if you do it in public.  It's embarrassing.
Al: [...] (c t e) I s l y'd r l t q, b a s y m f--a h t w b f y s-i a c.
Back: (continuing to empathize) It sounds like you'd really like to quit, but are scared you might fail--and how that would be for your self-image and confidence.

Front: Al: (continuing to empathize) It sounds like you'd really like to quit, but are scared you might fail--and how that would be for your self-image and confidence.
Burt: Yeah, I guess that's it…You know, I don't think I've ever talked about it before.  Usually when people tell me to quit, I just tell them to get lost.  I'd like to quit, but I don't want all that pressure from people.
Al: [...]
Back: I wouldn't want to pressure you.  I don't know if I could reassure you about your fears around not succeeding, but I sure would like to support you in any way I can.  That is…if you want me to…

Front: Al: I wouldn't want to pressure you.  I don't know if I could reassure you about your fears around not succeeding, but I sure would like to support you in any way I can.  That is…if you want me to…
Burt: Yes, I do.  I'm really touched by your concern and willingness.  But…suppose I'm not ready to try yet, is that okay with you too?
Al: [...]
Back: Of course, Burt, I'll still like you as much.  It's just that I want to like you for longer!  (Because Al's request was a genuine request, not a demand, he maintains awareness of his commitment to the quality of the relationship, regardless of Burt's response.  He expresses this awareness and his respect for Burt's need for autonomy through the words, "I'll still like you," while simultaneously expressing his own need "to like you for longer.")

Front: Al: Of course, Burt, I'll still like you as much.  It's just that I want to like you for longer!  (Because Al's request was a genuine request, not a demand, he maintains awareness of his commitment to the quality of the relationship, regardless of Burt's response.  He expresses this awareness and his respect for Burt's need for autonomy through the words, "I'll still like you," while simultaneously expressing his own need "to like you for longer.")
Burt: Well, then, maybe I will try again…but don't tell anyone else, okay?
Al: [...]
Back: Sure, you decide when you're ready: I won't be mentioning it to anybody.

Front: convert: "My aunt complains when I talk to her."
Back: "My aunt called me three times this week, and each time talked about people who treated her in ways she didn't like."

Front: convert: "Henry is aggressive."
Back: "Henry hit his sister when she switched the television channel."

Front: A patient has just been diagnosed with an advanced state of lung cancer. The following scene at his home, involving a visiting nurse, the patient, and his wife, represents a last opportunity for him to connect emotionally with his wife and discuss his dying before being admitted to the hospital. The wife begins the conversation with the nurse by complaining about the physical therapist who was part of the home health care team assigned to her husband's care.
Wife: She's a bad therapist.
Nurse: [...]
Back: A patient has just been diagnosed with an advanced state of lung cancer. The following scene at his home, involving a visiting nurse, the patient, and his wife, represents a last opportunity for him to connect emotionally with his wife and discuss his dying before being admitted to the hospital. The wife begins the conversation with the nurse by complaining about the physical therapist who was part of the home health care team assigned to her husband's care.
Wife: She's a bad therapist.
Nurse: (listening empathically to what the wife is feeling and wanting) Are you feeling annoyed and wanting to see a different quality of care?

Front: Wife: She's a bad therapist.
Nurse: (listening empathically to what the wife is feeling and wanting) Are you feeling annoyed and wanting to see a different quality of care?
Wife: She doesn't do anything. She made him stop walking when his pulse got high.
Nurse: [...]
Back: Wife: She's a bad therapist.
Nurse: (listening empathically to what the wife is feeling and wanting) Are you feeling annoyed and wanting to see a different quality of care?
Wife: She doesn't do anything. She made him stop walking when his pulse got high.
Nurse: (continuing to hear the wife's feelings and wants) Is it because you want your husband to get better that you're scared if the physical therapist doesn't push him, he won't get stronger?

Front: Wife: She doesn't do anything. She made him stop walking when his pulse got high.
Nurse: (continuing to hear the wife's feelings and wants) Is it because you want your husband to get better that you're scared if the physical therapist doesn't push him, he won't get stronger?
Wife: (starts to cry) Yes, I'm so scared!
Nurse: [...]
Back: Wife: She doesn't do anything. She made him stop walking when his pulse got high.
Nurse: (continuing to hear the wife's feelings and wants) Is it because you want your husband to get better that you're scared if the physical therapist doesn't push him, he won't get stronger?
Wife: (starts to cry) Yes, I'm so scared!
Nurse: Are you scared of losing him?

Front: Wife: (starts to cry) Yes, I'm so scared!
Nurse: Are you scared of losing him?
Wife: Yes, we've been together for so long.
Nurse: [...]
Back: Wife: (starts to cry) Yes, I'm so scared!
Nurse: Are you scared of losing him?
Wife: Yes, we've been together for so long.
Nurse: (listening for other feelings behind the fear) Are you worrying about how you would feel if he dies?

Front: Wife: Yes, we've been together for so long.
Nurse: (listening for other feelings behind the fear) Are you worrying about how you would feel if he dies?
Wife: I just can't imagine how I am going to live without him. He's always been there for me. Always.
Nurse: [...]
Back: Wife: Yes, we've been together for so long.
Nurse: (listening for other feelings behind the fear) Are you worrying about how you would feel if he dies?
Wife: I just can't imagine how I am going to live without him. He's always been there for me. Always.
Nurse: So you're sad when you think of living without him?

Front: Wife: I just can't imagine how I am going to live without him. He's always been there for me. Always.
Nurse: So you're sad when you think of living without him?
Wife: There's no one else besides him. He's all I have, you know. My daughter won't even talk to me.
Nurse: [...]
Back: Wife: I just can't imagine how I am going to live without him. He's always been there for me. Always.
Nurse: So you're sad when you think of living without him?
Wife: There's no one else besides him. He's all I have, you know. My daughter won't even talk to me.
Nurse: It sounds like when you think of your daughter you feel frustrated because you wish you had a different relationship with her.

Front: Wife: There's no one else besides him. He's all I have, you know. My daughter won't even talk to me.
Nurse: It sounds like when you think of your daughter you feel frustrated because you wish you had a different relationship with her.
Wife: I wish I did, but she is such a selfish person. I don't know why I even bothered having kids. A lot of good it does me now!
Nurse: [...]
Back: Wife: There's no one else besides him. He's all I have, you know. My daughter won't even talk to me.
Nurse: It sounds like when you think of your daughter you feel frustrated because you wish you had a different relationship with her.
Wife: I wish I did, but she is such a selfish person. I don't know why I even bothered having kids. A lot of good it does me now!
Nurse: Sounds to me like you might be somewhat angry and disappointed because you want more support from the family during your husband's illness.

Front: Wife: I wish I did, but she is such a selfish person. I don't know why I even bothered having kids. A lot of good it does me now!
Nurse: Sounds to me like you might be somewhat angry and disappointed because you want more support from the family during your husband's illness.
Wife: Yes, he's so sick; I don't know how I am going to get through this alone. I haven't anyone … not even to talk to, except with you here … now. Even he won't talk about it. … Look at him! (Husband remains silent and impassive.) He doesn't say anything!
Nurse: [...]
Back: Wife: I wish I did, but she is such a selfish person. I don't know why I even bothered having kids. A lot of good it does me now!
Nurse: Sounds to me like you might be somewhat angry and disappointed because you want more support from the family during your husband's illness.
Wife: Yes, he's so sick; I don't know how I am going to get through this alone. I haven't anyone … not even to talk to, except with you here … now. Even he won't talk about it. … Look at him! (Husband remains silent and impassive.) He doesn't say anything!
Nurse: Are you sad, wishing the two of you could support each other and feel more connected?

Front: Wife: Yes, he's so sick; I don't know how I am going to get through this alone. I haven't anyone … not even to talk to, except with you here … now. Even he won't talk about it. … Look at him! (Husband remains silent and impassive.) He doesn't say anything!
Nurse: Are you sad, wishing the two of you could support each other and feel more connected?
Wife: Yes. (She pauses, then makes a request) Talk to him the way you talk to me.
Nurse: [...]
Back: Wife: Yes, he's so sick; I don't know how I am going to get through this alone. I haven't anyone … not even to talk to, except with you here … now. Even he won't talk about it. … Look at him! (Husband remains silent and impassive.) He doesn't say anything!
Nurse: Are you sad, wishing the two of you could support each other and feel more connected?
Wife: Yes. (She pauses, then makes a request) Talk to him the way you talk to me.
Nurse: (wishing to clearly understand the need that is being addressed behind the wife's requets) Are you wanting him to be listened to in a way that helps him express what he's feeling inside?

Front: Wife: Yes, yes, that's exactly it!  I want him to feel comfortable talking and I want to know what he is feeling.
using the nurse's guess, what is the WIFE able to do?
Back: first become aware of what she wanted and then find the words to articulate it

Front: Often it is [...] for people to identify what they want in a situation, even though they may know what they don't want.
Back: Often it is difficult for people to identify what they want in a situation, even though they may know what they don't want.

Front: Often it is difficult for people to [...], even though they may know what they don't want.
Back: Often it is difficult for people to identify what they want in a situation, even though they may know what they don't want.

Front: Often it is difficult for people to identify what they want in a situation, even though they may know [...].
Back: Often it is difficult for people to identify what they want in a situation, even though they may know what they don't want.

Front: Wife: Yes, yes, that's exactly it!  I want him to feel comfortable talking and I want to know what he is feeling.
what do we see about having identified a clear request?
Back: it is a gift that empowers the other person

Front: Wife: Yes, yes, that's exactly it!  I want him to feel comfortable talking and I want to know what he is feeling.
what is the nurse able to do now that she has a clear request?
Back: act in a way that she knows to be in harmony with the wife's wishes

Front: Wife: Yes, yes, that's exactly it!  I want him to feel comfortable talking and I want to know what he is feeling.
how does the situation change now that the nurse knows what to do?
Back: it alters the atmosphere in the room, as the nurse and the wife now "work together," both in a compassionate mode

Front: Wife: Yes. (She pauses, then makes a request) Talk to him the way you talk to me.
Nurse: (wishing to clearly understand the need that is being addressed behind the wife's requets) Are you wanting him to be listened to in a way that helps him express what he's feeling inside?
Wife: Yes, yes, that's exactly it! I want him to feel comfortable talking and I want to know what he is feeling.
Nurse: [...]
Back: Wife: Yes. (She pauses, then makes a request) Talk to him the way you talk to me.
Nurse: (wishing to clearly understand the need that is being addressed behind the wife's requets) Are you wanting him to be listened to in a way that helps him express what he's feeling inside?
Wife: Yes, yes, that's exactly it! I want him to feel comfortable talking and I want to know what he is feeling.
Nurse: (turning to the husband) How do you feel when you hear what your wife has shared?

Front: Wife: Yes, yes, that's exactly it! I want him to feel comfortable talking and I want to know what he is feeling.
Nurse: (turning to the husband) How do you feel when you hear what your wife has shared?
Husband: I really love her.
Nurse: [...]
Back: Wife: Yes, yes, that's exactly it! I want him to feel comfortable talking and I want to know what he is feeling.
Nurse: (turning to the husband) How do you feel when you hear what your wife has shared?
Husband: I really love her.
Nurse: Are you glad to have an opportunity to talk about this with her?

Front: Husband: I really love her.
Nurse: Are you glad to have an opportunity to talk about this with her?
Husband: Yes, we need to talk about it.
Nurse: [...]
Back: Husband: I really love her.
Nurse: Are you glad to have an opportunity to talk about this with her?
Husband: Yes, we need to talk about it.
Nurse: Would you be willing to say you are feeling about the cancer?

Front: when are the words "good" and "bad" often used to describe feelings?
Back: when people have yet to identify the specific emotion they are experiencing

Front: Husband: (after a brief silence) Not very good.
what would help the husband with the emotional connection he is seeking with his wife?
Back: expressing his feelings more precisely

Front: Husband: Yes, we need to talk about it.
Nurse: Would you be willing to say how you are feeling about the cancer?
Husband: (after a brief silence) Not very good.
Nurse: [...]
Back: Husband: Yes, we need to talk about it.
Nurse: Would you be willing to say you are feeling about the cancer?
Husband: (after a brief silence) Not very good.
Nurse: (encouraging him to move toward more precision) Are you scared about dying?

Front: Husband: (after a brief silence) Not very good.
Nurse: (encouraging him to move toward more precision) Are you scared about dying?
Husband: No, not scared. (Notice the nurse's incorrect guess does not hamper the continued flow of dialogue.)
Nurse: [...]
Back: Husband: (after a brief silence) Not very good.
Nurse: (encouraging him to move toward more precision) Are you scared about dying?
Husband: No, not scared. (Notice the nurse's incorrect guess does not hamper the continued flow of dialogue.)
Nurse: Do you feel angry about dying? (Because this patient isn't able to verbalize his internal experience easily, the nurse continues to support him in the process.)

Front: Husband: No, not scared. (Notice the nurse's incorrect guess does not hamper the continued flow of dialogue.)
Nurse: Do you feel angry about dying? (Because this patient isn't able to verbalize his internal experience easily, the nurse continues to support him in the process.)
Husband: No, not angry.
Nurse: [...]
Back: Husband: No, not scared. (Notice the nurse's incorrect guess does not hamper the continued flow of dialogue.)
Nurse: Do you feel angry about dying? (Because this patient isn't able to verbalize his internal experience easily, the nurse continues to support him in the process.)
Husband: No, not angry.
Nurse: (At this point, after two incorrect guesses, the nurse decided to express her own feelings) Well, now I'm puzzled about what you may be feeling and wonder if you can tell me.

Front: Husband: No, not angry.
Nurse: (At this point, after two incorrect guesses, the nurse decided to express her own feelings) Well, now I'm puzzled about what you may be feeling and wonder if you can tell me.
Husband: I reckon I'm thinking how she'll do without me.
Nurse: [...]
Back: Husband: No, not angry.
Nurse: (At this point, after two incorrect guesses, the nurse decided to express her own feelings) Well, now I'm puzzled about what you may be feeling and wonder if you can tell me.
Husband: I reckon I'm thinking how she'll do without me.
Nurse: Oh, are you worried she may not be able to handle her life without you?

Front: Husband: I reckon I'm thinking how she'll do without me.
Nurse: Oh, are you worried she may not be able to handle her life without you?
Husband: Yes, worried she'll miss me.
Nurse: [...]
Back: Husband: I reckon I'm thinking how she'll do without me.
Nurse: Oh, are you worried she may not be able to handle her life without you?
Husband: Yes, worried she'll miss me.
Nurse: (She is aware that dying patients often hang on due to worry over those they are leaving behind. Patients sometimes need the reassurance that loved ones can accept their death before they can let themselves go.) Do you want to hear how your wife feels when you say that?

Front: classify:
Person A: How could I do something so stupid?
Person B: Nobody is perfect; you're too hard on yourself.
Back: giving reassurance rather than empathically receiving

Front: classify:
Person A: If you ask me, we ought to ship all these immigrants back to where they came from.
Person B: Do you really think that would solve anything?
Back: attempting to educate rather than empathically receiving

Front: Person A: You aren't God!
Person B: [...]
Back: Are you feeling frustrated because you would like me to admit that there can be other ways of interpreting this matter?

Front: classify:
Person A: I think that you take me for granted.  I wonder how you would manage without me.
Person B: That's not true!  I don't take you for granted.
Back: disagreeing and defending rather than empathically receiving

Front: classify:
Person A: How could you say a thing like that to me?
Person B: Are you feeling hurt because I said that?
Back: taking responsibility for Person A's feelings rather than empathically receiving

Front: Person A: How could you say a thing like that to me?
Person B: [...]
Back: Are you feeling hurt because you would have liked me to agree to do what you requested?

Front: classify:
Person A: I'm furious with my husband.  He's never around when I need him.
Person B: You think he should be around more than he is?
Back: Person A receiving Person B's thoughts, but not connecting more deeply by receiving the feelings and needs being expressed

Front: Person A: I'm furious with my husband.  He's never around when I need him.
Person B: [...]
Back: So you're feeling furious because you would like him to be around more than he is?

Front: classify:
Person A: I'm disgusted with how heavy I'm getting.
Person B: Perhaps jogging would help.
Back: giving advice rather than empathically receiving

Front: Person A: I've been a nervous wreck planning for my daughter's wedding.  Her fiancé's family is not helping.  About every day they change their minds about the kind of wedding they would like.
Person B: [...] S y'r f n a h t m a a w a i i y f i-l c b m a o t c t i c f y?
Back: So you're feeling nervous about how to make arrangements and would appreciate it if your future in-laws could be more aware of the complications their indecision creates for you?

Front: classify:
Person A: When my relatives come without letting me know ahead of time I feel invaded.  It reminds me of how my parents used to disregard my needs and would plan things for me.
Person B: I know how you feel.  I used to feel that way too.
Back: assuming that he has understood and talking about his own feelings rather than empathically receiving

Front: classify:
Person A: I'm disappointed with your performance.  I would have liked your department to double your production last month.
Person B: I understand that you are disappointed, but we have had many absences due to illness.
Back: starting by focusing on Person A's feelings but then shifting to explaining

Front: How [...] turn into relatively clear flowing streams when one is heard.
Back: How confusions that seem irremediable turn into relatively clear flowing streams when one is heard.

Front: How confusions that seem irremediable turn into [...] when one is heard.
Back: How confusions that seem irremediable turn into relatively clear flowing streams when one is heard.

Front: How confusions that seem irremediable turn into relatively clear flowing streams when [...].
Back: How confusions that seem irremediable turn into relatively clear flowing streams when one is heard.

Front: [...] allows us to reperceive our world in a new way and move on.
Back: Empathy allows us to reperceive our world in a new way and move on.

Front: Empathy allows us to [...] and move on.
Back: Empathy allows us to reperceive our world in a new way and move on.

Front: Empathy allows us to reperceive our world in a new way and [...].
Back: Empathy allows us to reperceive our world in a new way and move on.

Front: When we work in a [...] institution, there is a tendency to hear commands and judgements from those higher up in the hierarchy.
Back: When we work in a heirarchically structured institution, there is a tendency to hear commands and judgements from those higher up in the hierarchy.

Front: When we work in a heirarchically structured institution, there is a tendency to hear [...] from those higher up in the hierarchy.
Back: When we work in a heirarchically structured institution, there is a tendency to hear commands and judgements from those higher up in the hierarchy.

Front: When we work in a heirarchically structured institution, there is a tendency to hear commands and judgements from those [...] in the hierarchy.
Back: When we work in a heirarchically structured institution, there is a tendency to hear commands and judgements from those higher up in the hierarchy.

Front: It's [...] with those who appear to possess more power, status, or resources.
Back: It's harder to empathize with those who appear to possess more power, status, or resources.

Front: It's harder to empathize with those who appear to possess more [...], status, or resources.
Back: It's harder to empathize with those who appear to possess more power, status, or resources.

Front: It's harder to empathize with those who appear to possess more power, [...], or resources.
Back: It's harder to empathize with those who appear to possess more power, status, or resources.

Front: It's harder to empathize with those who appear to possess more power, status, or [...].
Back: It's harder to empathize with those who appear to possess more power, status, or resources.

Front: The more we [...] the other party, the safer we feel.
Back: The more we empathize with the other party, the safer we feel.

Front: The more we empathize with the other party, the [...] we feel.
Back: The more we empathize with the other party, the safer we feel.

Front: The situations where we are the [...] to express vulnerability are often those here we want to maintain a "tough image" for fear of losing authority or control.
Back: The situations where we are the most reluctant to express vulnerability are often those here we want to maintain a "tough image" for fear of losing authority or control.

Front: The situations where we are the most reluctant to [...] are often those here we want to maintain a "tough image" for fear of losing authority or control.
Back: The situations where we are the most reluctant to express vulnerability are often those here we want to maintain a "tough image" for fear of losing authority or control.

Front: The situations where we are the most reluctant to express vulnerability are often those here we want to maintain [...] for fear of losing authority or control.
Back: The situations where we are the most reluctant to express vulnerability are often those here we want to maintain a "tough image" for fear of losing authority or control.

Front: The situations where we are the most reluctant to express vulnerability are often those here we want to maintain a "tough image" for fear of losing [...] or control.
Back: The situations where we are the most reluctant to express vulnerability are often those here we want to maintain a "tough image" for fear of losing authority or control.

Front: The situations where we are the most reluctant to express vulnerability are often those here we want to maintain a "tough image" for fear of losing authority or [...].
Back: The situations where we are the most reluctant to express vulnerability are often those here we want to maintain a "tough image" for fear of losing authority or control.

Front: In [...], I recommend first getting the empathy necessay to go beyond the thoughts occupying our heads so as to recognize our deeper needs.
Back: In situations of pain, I recommend first getting the empathy necessay to go beyond the thoughts occupying our heads so as to recognize our deeper needs.

Front: In situations of pain, I recommend first getting the [...] necessay to go beyond the thoughts occupying our heads so as to recognize our deeper needs.
Back: In situations of pain, I recommend first getting the empathy necessay to go beyond the thoughts occupying our heads so as to recognize our deeper needs.

Front: In situations of pain, I recommend first getting the empathy necessay to go beyond the [...] so as to recognize our deeper needs.
Back: In situations of pain, I recommend first getting the empathy necessay to go beyond the thoughts occupying our heads so as to recognize our deeper needs.

Front: In situations of pain, I recommend first getting the empathy necessay to go beyond the thoughts occupying our heads so as to [...].
Back: In situations of pain, I recommend first getting the empathy necessay to go beyond the thoughts occupying our heads so as to recognize our deeper needs.

Front: what did MR sense when the gang members said "Oh look, he's feeling hurt, isn't that too bad?" and laughed at him?
Back: that he and his friends were annoyed and not wanting to be subjected to guilt trips and manipulation

Front: gang member: Hey, this is a bunch of crap you're offering us!  Suppose there are members of the other gang here and they have guns and you don't.  And you just stand there and talk to them? Crap!
MR: [...] S i s l y'r r f u w l s t h n r i t s.
Back: So it sounds like you're really fed up with learning something that has no relevance in those situations.

Front: gang member: Yeah, and if you lived in this neighborhood, you'd know this is a bunch of crap.
MR: [...]
Back: So you need to trust that someone teaching you something has some knowledge of your neighborhood?

Front: gang member: Damn right.  Some of those dudes would blast you away before you got two words out of your mouth!
MR: [...]
Back: And you need to trust that someone trying to teach you something understands the dangers around here?

Front: We [...] by listening for other people's feelings and needs.
Back: We "say a lot" by listening for other people's feelings and needs.

Front: We "say a lot" by listening for other people's [...].
Back: We "say a lot" by listening for other people's feelings and needs.

Front: The ability to [...] to people in stressful situations can defuse potential violence.
Back: The ability to offer empathy to people in stressful situations can defuse potential violence.

Front: The ability to offer empathy to people in [...] can defuse potential violence.
Back: The ability to offer empathy to people in stressful situations can defuse potential violence.

Front: The ability to offer empathy to people in stressful situations can [...].
Back: The ability to offer empathy to people in stressful situations can defuse potential violence.

Front: Young man: "Take off your clothes."
Teacher (noticing that he was shaking): [...]
Back: Young man: "Take off your clothes."
Teacher (noticing that he was shaking): "I'm sensing this is very scary for you."

Front: Young man: "Take off your clothes."
Teacher (noticing that he was shaking): "I'm sensing this is very scary for you."
Young man: "Did you hear me? God damn it, take off your clothes!"
Teacher: [...]
Back: Young man: "Take off your clothes."
Teacher (noticing that he was shaking): "I'm sensing this is very scary for you."
Young man: "Did you hear me? God damn it, take off your clothes!"
Teacher: "I'm sensing you're really pissed off right now and you want me to do what you're telling me."

Front: Young man: "Did you hear me? God damn it, take off your clothes!"
Teacher: "I'm sensing you're really pissed off right now and you want me to do what you're telling me."
Young man: "You're damned right, and you're going to get hurt if you don't."
Teacher: [...]
Back: Young man: "Did you hear me? God damn it, take off your clothes!"
Teacher: "I'm sensing you're really pissed off right now and you want me to do what you're telling me."
Young man: "You're damned right, and you're going to get hurt if you don't."
Teacher: "I'd like you to tell me if there's some other way of meeting your needs that wouldn't hurt me."

Front: Young man: "You're damned right, and you're going to get hurt if you don't."
Teacher: "I'd like you to tell me if there's some other way of meeting your needs that wouldn't hurt me."
Young man: "I said take them off."
Teacher: [...] "I c h h m y w t. A t s t, I w y t k h s a h I f, a h g I'd b i y'd l w h m."
Back: Young man: "You're damned right, and you're going to get hurt if you don't."
Teacher: "I'd like you to tell me if there's some other way of meeting your needs that wouldn't hurt me."
Young man: "I said take them off."
Teacher: "I can hear how much you want this. At the same time, I want you to know how scared and horrible I feel, and how grateful I'd be if you'd leave without hurting me."

Front: The teacher later described how, each time she [...], she could sense his becoming less adamant in his intention to follow through with the rape.
Back: The teacher later described how, each time she empathized with the young man, she could sense his becoming less adamant in his intention to follow through with the rape.

Front: The teacher later described how, each time she empathized with the young man, she could sense his becoming [...] in his intention to follow through with the rape.
Back: The teacher later described how, each time she empathized with the young man, she could sense his becoming less adamant in his intention to follow through with the rape.

Front: 60 people screaming: Let him go!  He didn't do anything!  You police are a bunch of racist pigs!
police officer: [...]
Back: So you don't trust my reasons for arresting this man?  You think it has to do with race?

Front: man: You bitch, don't lie to me! You do too have a room!
woman: [...]
Back: man: You bitch, don't lie to me! You do too have a room!
woman: It sounds like you're really angry and you want to be given a room.

Front: man: You bitch, don't lie to me! You do too have a room!
woman: It sounds like you're really angry and you want to be given a room.
man: I may be an addict, but by God, I deserve respect. I'm tired of nobody giving me respect. My parents don't give me respect. I'm gonna get respect!
woman: [...]
Back: man: You bitch, don't lie to me! You do too have a room!
woman: It sounds like you're really angry and you want to be given a room.
man: I may be an addict, but by God, I deserve respect. I'm tired of nobody giving me respect. My parents don't give me respect. I'm gonna get respect!
woman: Are you fed up, not getting the respect you want?

Front: [...], rather than putting your "but" in the face of an angry person.
Back: Empathize, rather than putting your "but" in the face of an angry person.

Front: Empathize, rather than putting your [...] in the face of an angry person.
Back: Empathize, rather than putting your "but" in the face of an angry person.

Front: Empathize, rather than putting your "but" in the face of an [...].
Back: Empathize, rather than putting your "but" in the face of an angry person.

Front: what did the woman who empathized at knife point say about "monsters"?
Back: monsters are simply human being whose language and behavior sometimes keep us from seeing their humanness

Front: When we [...], we no longer see people as monsters.
Back: When we listen for their feelings and needs, we no longer see people as monsters.

Front: When we listen for their feelings and needs, we no longer see people as [...].
Back: When we listen for their feelings and needs, we no longer see people as monsters.

Front: It may be [...] to empathize with those who are closest to us.
Back: It may be difficult to empathize with those who are closest to us.

Front: It may be difficult to [...] with those who are closest to us.
Back: It may be difficult to empathize with those who are closest to us.

Front: It may be difficult to empathize with those who are [...]. (not in a position of power)
Back: It may be difficult to empathize with those who are closest to us.

Front: [...] with someone's "no" protects us from taking it personally.
Back: Empathizing with someone's "no" protects us from taking it personally.

Front: Empathizing with someone's [...] protects us from taking it personally.
Back: Empathizing with someone's "no" protects us from taking it personally.

Front: Empathizing with someone's "no" protects us from [...].
Back: Empathizing with someone's "no" protects us from taking it personally.

Front: MR asks a woman to join him and others for some ice cream
woman: No! (in a brusque tone)
MR: [...]
Back: MR asks a woman to join him and other for some ice cream
woman: No! (in a brusque tone)
MR: I sense that you're angry. Is that so?

Front: MR asks a woman to join him and others for some ice cream
woman: No! (in a brusque tone)
MR: I sense that you're angry. Is that so?
woman: No, it's just that I don't want to be corrected every time I open my mouth.
MR: [...]
Back: MR asks a woman to join him and other for some ice cream
woman: No! (in a brusque tone)
MR: I sense that you're angry. Is that so?
woman: No, it's just that I don't want to be corrected every time I open my mouth.
MR: So you're feeling fearful and want to protect yourself from being in a situation where you might be judged for how you communicate?

Front: what is a "Babble-on-ian"?
Back: someone who elicits in their listeners the fear of interminable conversation

Front: Vitality drains out of the conversation when we [...] with the feelings and needs generating the speaker's words, and with the requests associated with those needs.
Back: Vitality drains out of the conversation when we lose connection with the feelings and needs generating the speaker's words, and with the requests associated with those needs.

Front: Vitality drains out of the conversation when we lose connection with the [...] (not life energy) generating the speaker's words, and with the requests associated with those needs.
Back: Vitality drains out of the conversation when we lose connection with the feelings and needs generating the speaker's words, and with the requests associated with those needs.

Front: Vitality drains out of the conversation when we lose connection with the feelings and needs [...], and with the requests associated with those needs.
Back: Vitality drains out of the conversation when we lose connection with the feelings and needs generating the speaker's words, and with the requests associated with those needs.

Front: Vitality drains out of the conversation when we lose connection with the feelings and needs generating the speaker's words, and with the [...] (not life energy) associated with those needs.
Back: Vitality drains out of the conversation when we lose connection with the feelings and needs generating the speaker's words, and with the requests associated with those needs.

Front: when does MR say is the best time to interrupt?
Back: when we've heard one word more than we want to hear

Front: Our [...] in interrupting is not to claim the floor for ourselves, but to help the speaker connect to the life energy behind the words being spoken.
Back: Our intention in interrupting is not to claim the floor for ourselves, but to help the speaker connect to the life energy behind the words being spoken.

Front: Our intention in [...] is not to claim the floor for ourselves, but to help the speaker connect to the life energy behind the words being spoken.
Back: Our intention in interrupting is not to claim the floor for ourselves, but to help the speaker connect to the life energy behind the words being spoken.

Front: Our intention in interrupting is not to [...], but to help the speaker connect to the life energy behind the words being spoken.
Back: Our intention in interrupting is not to claim the floor for ourselves, but to help the speaker connect to the life energy behind the words being spoken.

Front: Our intention in interrupting is not to claim the floor for ourselves, but to help the speaker [...] behind the words being spoken.
Back: Our intention in interrupting is not to claim the floor for ourselves, but to help the speaker connect to the life energy behind the words being spoken.

Front: Our intention in interrupting is not to claim the floor for ourselves, but to help the speaker connect to the life energy behind the [...].
Back: Our intention in interrupting is not to claim the floor for ourselves, but to help the speaker connect to the life energy behind the words being spoken.

Front: To [...]: interrupt with empathy.
Back: To bring a conversation back to life: interrupt with empathy.

Front: To bring a conversation back to life: [...] with empathy.
Back: To bring a conversation back to life: interrupt with empathy.

Front: To bring a conversation back to life: interrupt with [...].
Back: To bring a conversation back to life: interrupt with empathy.

Front: an aunt is repeating the story about how 20 years ago her husband deserted her with two small children
response: [...]
Back: So, Auntie, it sounds like you are still feeling hurt, wishing you'd been treated more fairly.

Front: what did MR say once at a cocktail party when in the midst of an abundant flow of words that to him, however, seemed lifeless?
Back: "Excuse me, I'm feeling impatient because I'd like to be more connected with you, but our conversation isn't creating the kind of connection I'm wanting.  I'd like to know if the conversation we've been having is meeting your needs, and if so, what needs of yours are being met through it?"

Front: What [...] the listener bores the speaker too.
Back: What bores the listener bores the speaker too.

Front: What bores the [...] bores the speaker too.
Back: What bores the listener bores the speaker too.

Front: What bores the listener [...] the speaker too.
Back: What bores the listener bores the speaker too.

Front: What bores the listener bores the [...] too.
Back: What bores the listener bores the speaker too.

Front: [...] prefer that listeners interrupt rather than pretend to listen.
Back: Speakers prefer that listeners interrupt rather than pretend to listen.

Front: Speakers prefer that listeners [...] rather than pretend to listen.
Back: Speakers prefer that listeners interrupt rather than pretend to listen.

Front: Speakers prefer that listeners interrupt rather than [...].
Back: Speakers prefer that listeners interrupt rather than pretend to listen.

Front: One of the [...] messages for many of us to empathize with is silence.
Back: One of the hardest messages for many of us to empathize with is silence.

Front: One of the hardest messages for many of us to empathize with is [...].
Back: One of the hardest messages for many of us to empathize with is silence.

Front: When we've [...], it's easy to project our worst fears onto the lack of response and forget to connect with the feelings and needs being expressed through silence.
Back: When we've expressed ourselves vulnerably, it's easy to project our worst fears onto the lack of response and forget to connect with the feelings and needs being expressed through silence.

Front: When we've expressed ourselves vulnerably, it's easy to [...] onto the lack of response and forget to connect with the feelings and needs being expressed through silence.
Back: When we've expressed ourselves vulnerably, it's easy to project our worst fears onto the lack of response and forget to connect with the feelings and needs being expressed through silence.

Front: When we've expressed ourselves vulnerably, it's easy to project our worst fears onto the lack of response and forget to [...] being expressed through silence.
Back: When we've expressed ourselves vulnerably, it's easy to project our worst fears onto the lack of response and forget to connect with the feelings and needs being expressed through silence.

Front: When we've expressed ourselves vulnerably, it's easy to project our worst fears onto the lack of response and forget to connect with the feelings and needs [...].
Back: When we've expressed ourselves vulnerably, it's easy to project our worst fears onto the lack of response and forget to connect with the feelings and needs being expressed through silence.

Front: MR was talking about something deeply emotional and began to cry, and the director hew as talking to turned his face away in what MR interpreted to be disgust.
MR: [...]
Back: I'm sensing from your response to my crying that you're feeling disgusted, and you'd prefer to have someone more in control of his feelings consulting with your staff.

Front: [...] with silence by listening for the feelings and needs behind it.
Back: Empathize with silence by listening for the feelings and needs behind it.

Front: Empathize with silence by listening for the [...] behind it.
Back: Empathize with silence by listening for the feelings and needs behind it.

Front: [...] lies in our ability to be present.
Back: Empathy lies in our ability to be present.

Front: Empathy lies in our ability to be [...].
Back: Empathy lies in our ability to be present.

Front: "Don't just [...]"
Back: "Don't just do something..."

Front: The [...] use of NVC may be in developing self-compassion.
Back: The most important use of NVC may be in developing self-compassion.

Front: The most important use of NVC may be in [...].
Back: The most important use of NVC may be in developing self-compassion.

Front: When we are [...], it is difficult to be genuinely compassionate towards others.
Back: When we are internally violent towards ourselves, it is difficult to be genuinely compassionate towards others.

Front: When we are internally violent towards ourselves, it is difficult to be [...].
Back: When we are internally violent towards ourselves, it is difficult to be genuinely compassionate towards others.

Front: When [...] prevent us from seeing the beauty in ourselves, we lose connection with the divine energy that is our source.
Back: When critical self-concepts prevent us from seeing the beauty in ourselves, we lose connection with the divine energy that is our source.

Front: When critical self-concepts prevent us from [...], we lose connection with the divine energy that is our source.
Back: When critical self-concepts prevent us from seeing the beauty in ourselves, we lose connection with the divine energy that is our source.

Front: When critical self-concepts prevent us from seeing the beauty in ourselves, we [...] with the divine energy that is our source.
Back: When critical self-concepts prevent us from seeing the beauty in ourselves, we lose connection with the divine energy that is our source.

Front: When critical self-concepts prevent us from seeing the beauty in ourselves, we lose connection with [...].
Back: When critical self-concepts prevent us from seeing the beauty in ourselves, we lose connection with the divine energy that is our source.

Front: Since we want [...] to lead to the enrichment of life, it is critical to know how to evaluate events and conditions in ways that help us learn and make ongoing choices that serve us.
Back: Since we want whatever we do to lead to the enrichment of life, it is critical to know how to evaluate events and conditions in ways that help us learn and make ongoing choices that serve us.

Front: Since we want whatever we do to lead to [...], it is critical to know how to evaluate events and conditions in ways that help us learn and make ongoing choices that serve us.
Back: Since we want whatever we do to lead to the enrichment of life, it is critical to know how to evaluate events and conditions in ways that help us learn and make ongoing choices that serve us.

Front: Since we want whatever we do to lead to the enrichment of life, it is [...] to know how to evaluate events and conditions in ways that help us learn and make ongoing choices that serve us.
Back: Since we want whatever we do to lead to the enrichment of life, it is critical to know how to evaluate events and conditions in ways that help us learn and make ongoing choices that serve us.

Front: Since we want whatever we do to lead to the enrichment of life, it is critical to know how to [...] in ways that help us learn and make ongoing choices that serve us.
Back: Since we want whatever we do to lead to the enrichment of life, it is critical to know how to evaluate events and conditions in ways that help us learn and make ongoing choices that serve us.

Front: Since we want whatever we do to lead to the enrichment of life, it is critical to know how to evaluate events and conditions in ways that [...] and make ongoing choices that serve us.
Back: Since we want whatever we do to lead to the enrichment of life, it is critical to know how to evaluate events and conditions in ways that help us learn and make ongoing choices that serve us.

Front: Since we want whatever we do to lead to the enrichment of life, it is critical to know how to evaluate events and conditions in ways that help us learn and [...]. (not grow)
Back: Since we want whatever we do to lead to the enrichment of life, it is critical to know how to evaluate events and conditions in ways that help us learn and make ongoing choices that serve us.

Front: We [...] to evaluate ourselves in ways that engender growth rather than self-hatred.
Back: We use NVC to evaluate ourselves in ways that engender growth rather than self-hatred.

Front: We use NVC to [...] in ways that engender growth rather than self-hatred.
Back: We use NVC to evaluate ourselves in ways that engender growth rather than self-hatred.

Front: We use NVC to evaluate ourselves in ways that [...] rather than self-hatred.
Back: We use NVC to evaluate ourselves in ways that engender growth rather than self-hatred.

Front: We use NVC to evaluate ourselves in ways that engender growth rather than [...].
Back: We use NVC to evaluate ourselves in ways that engender growth rather than self-hatred.

Front: If the way we [...] leads us to feel shame, and we consequently change our behavior, we are allowing our growing and learning to be guided by self-hatred.
Back: If the way we evaluate ourselves leads us to feel shame, and we consequently change our behavior, we are allowing our growing and learning to be guided by self-hatred.

Front: If the way we evaluate ourselves leads us to feel [...], and we consequently change our behavior, we are allowing our growing and learning to be guided by self-hatred.
Back: If the way we evaluate ourselves leads us to feel shame, and we consequently change our behavior, we are allowing our growing and learning to be guided by self-hatred.

Front: If the way we evaluate ourselves leads us to feel shame, and we consequently [...], we are allowing our growing and learning to be guided by self-hatred.
Back: If the way we evaluate ourselves leads us to feel shame, and we consequently change our behavior, we are allowing our growing and learning to be guided by self-hatred.

Front: If the way we evaluate ourselves leads us to feel shame, and we consequently change our behavior, we are allowing our [...] to be guided by self-hatred.
Back: If the way we evaluate ourselves leads us to feel shame, and we consequently change our behavior, we are allowing our growing and learning to be guided by self-hatred.

Front: If the way we evaluate ourselves leads us to feel shame, and we consequently change our behavior, we are allowing our growing and learning to be guided by [...].
Back: If the way we evaluate ourselves leads us to feel shame, and we consequently change our behavior, we are allowing our growing and learning to be guided by self-hatred.

Front: Even if our [...] is to behave with more kindness and sensitivity, if people sense shame or guilt behind our actions, they are less likely to appreciate what we do than if we are motivated purely by the human desire to contribute to life.
Back: Even if our intention is to behave with more kindness and sensitivity, if people sense shame or guilt behind our actions, they are less likely to appreciate what we do than if we are motivated purely by the human desire to contribute to life.

Front: Even if our intention is to [...], if people sense shame or guilt behind our actions, they are less likely to appreciate what we do than if we are motivated purely by the human desire to contribute to life.
Back: Even if our intention is to behave with more kindness and sensitivity, if people sense shame or guilt behind our actions, they are less likely to appreciate what we do than if we are motivated purely by the human desire to contribute to life.

Front: Even if our intention is to behave with more kindness and sensitivity, if people sense [...] behind our actions, they are less likely to appreciate what we do than if we are motivated purely by the human desire to contribute to life.
Back: Even if our intention is to behave with more kindness and sensitivity, if people sense shame or guilt behind our actions, they are less likely to appreciate what we do than if we are motivated purely by the human desire to contribute to life.

Front: Even if our intention is to behave with more kindness and sensitivity, if people sense shame or guilt behind our actions, they are less likely to [...] than if we are motivated purely by the human desire to contribute to life.
Back: Even if our intention is to behave with more kindness and sensitivity, if people sense shame or guilt behind our actions, they are less likely to appreciate what we do than if we are motivated purely by the human desire to contribute to life.

Front: Even if our intention is to behave with more kindness and sensitivity, if people sense shame or guilt behind our actions, they are less likely to appreciate what we do than if we are motivated purely by [...].
Back: Even if our intention is to behave with more kindness and sensitivity, if people sense shame or guilt behind our actions, they are less likely to appreciate what we do than if we are motivated purely by the human desire to contribute to life.

Front: Most of the time when we use this word with ourselves, we [...] because "should" implies that there is no choice.
Back: Most of the time when we use this word with ourselves, we resist learning because "should" implies that there is no choice.

Front: Most of the time when we use this word with ourselves, we resist learning because "[...]" implies that there is no choice.
Back: Most of the time when we use this word with ourselves, we resist learning because "should" implies that there is no choice.

Front: Most of the time when we use this word with ourselves, we resist learning because "should" implies that [...].
Back: Most of the time when we use this word with ourselves, we resist learning because "should" implies that there is no choice.

Front: [...], when hearing any kind of demand, tend to resist because it threatens our autonomy--our strong need for choice.
Back: Human beings, when hearing any kind of demand, tend to resist because it threatens our autonomy--our strong need for choice.

Front: Human beings, when hearing [...], tend to resist because it threatens our autonomy--our strong need for choice.
Back: Human beings, when hearing any kind of demand, tend to resist because it threatens our autonomy--our strong need for choice.

Front: Human beings, when hearing any kind of demand, tend to [...] because it threatens our autonomy--our strong need for choice.
Back: Human beings, when hearing any kind of demand, tend to resist because it threatens our autonomy--our strong need for choice.

Front: Human beings, when hearing any kind of demand, tend to resist because it [...]--our strong need for choice.
Back: Human beings, when hearing any kind of demand, tend to resist because it threatens our autonomy--our strong need for choice.

Front: Human beings, when hearing any kind of demand, tend to resist because it threatens our autonomy--our [...].
Back: Human beings, when hearing any kind of demand, tend to resist because it threatens our autonomy--our strong need for choice.

Front: Avoid "[...]" yourself!
Back: Avoid "shoulding" yourself!

Front: classify: "I should have known better."
Back: internal demand

Front: classify: "I shouldn't have done that."
Back: internal demand

Front: classify: "What I'm doing is just terrible.  I really must do something about it!"
Back: internal demand

Front: classify: "I really should give up smoking."
Back: internal demand

Front: classify: "I really have to do something about exercising more."
Back: internal demand

Front: We were not meant to [...] to the dictates of "should" and "have to", whether they come from outside or inside of ourselves.
Back: We were not meant to succumb to the dictates of "should" and "have to", whether they come from outside or inside of ourselves.

Front: We were not meant to succumb to the [...], whether they come from outside or inside of ourselves.
Back: We were not meant to succumb to the dictates of "should" and "have to", whether they come from outside or inside of ourselves.

Front: We were not meant to succumb to the dictates of "should" and "have to", whether they come from [...].
Back: We were not meant to succumb to the dictates of "should" and "have to", whether they come from outside or inside of ourselves.

Front: A [...] of NVC is that whenever we imply that someone is wrong or bad, what we are really saying is that he or she is not acting in harmony with our needs.
Back: A basic premise of NVC is that whenever we imply that someone is wrong or bad, what we are really saying is that he or she is not acting in harmony with our needs.

Front: A basic premise of NVC is that whenever we imply that someone is [...], what we are really saying is that he or she is not acting in harmony with our needs.
Back: A basic premise of NVC is that whenever we imply that someone is wrong or bad, what we are really saying is that he or she is not acting in harmony with our needs.

Front: A basic premise of NVC is that whenever we imply that someone is wrong or bad, what we are really saying is that he or she is [...].
Back: A basic premise of NVC is that whenever we imply that someone is wrong or bad, what we are really saying is that he or she is not acting in harmony with our needs.

Front: If the person we are judging happens to be [...], what we are saying is, "I myself am not behaving in harmony with my own needs."
Back: If the person we are judging happens to be ourselves, what we are saying is, "I myself am not behaving in harmony with my own needs."

Front: If the person we are judging happens to be ourselves, what we are saying is, "I myself am not [...]."
Back: If the person we are judging happens to be ourselves, what we are saying is, "I myself am not behaving in harmony with my own needs."

Front: I am [...] that if we learn to evaluate ourselves in terms of whether and how well our needs are being fulfilled, we are much more likely to learn from the evaluation.
Back: I am convinced that if we learn to evaluate ourselves in terms of whether and how well our needs are being fulfilled, we are much more likely to learn from the evaluation.

Front: I am convinced that if we learn to [...] in terms of whether and how well our needs are being fulfilled, we are much more likely to learn from the evaluation.
Back: I am convinced that if we learn to evaluate ourselves in terms of whether and how well our needs are being fulfilled, we are much more likely to learn from the evaluation.

Front: I am convinced that if we learn to evaluate ourselves in terms of [...], we are much more likely to learn from the evaluation.
Back: I am convinced that if we learn to evaluate ourselves in terms of whether and how well our needs are being fulfilled, we are much more likely to learn from the evaluation.

Front: I am convinced that if we learn to evaluate ourselves in terms of whether and how well our needs are being fulfilled, we are much more likely to [...]. (not get them met)
Back: I am convinced that if we learn to evaluate ourselves in terms of whether and how well our needs are being fulfilled, we are much more likely to learn from the evaluation.

Front: [...], like all judgements, are tragic expressions of unmet needs.
Back: Self-judgments, like all judgements, are tragic expressions of unmet needs.

Front: Self-judgments, like [...], are tragic expressions of unmet needs.
Back: Self-judgments, like all judgements, are tragic expressions of unmet needs.

Front: Self-judgments, like all judgements, are [...] of unmet needs.
Back: Self-judgments, like all judgements, are tragic expressions of unmet needs.

Front: Self-judgments, like all judgements, are tragic expressions of [...].
Back: Self-judgments, like all judgements, are tragic expressions of unmet needs.

Front: Our challenge then, when we are doing something that is [...], is to evaluate ourselves moment by moment in a way that inspires change both:
1. in the direction of where we would like to go
2. out of respect and compassion for ourselves, rather than out of self-hatred, guilt or shame
Back: Our challenge then, when we are doing something that is not enriching life, is to evaluate ourselves moment by moment in a way that inspires change both:
1. in the direction of where we would like to go
2. out of respect and compassion for ourselves, rather than out of self-hatred, guilt or shame

Front: Our challenge then, when we are doing something that is not enriching life, is to evaluate ourselves [...] in a way that inspires change both:
1. in the direction of where we would like to go
2. out of respect and compassion for ourselves, rather than out of self-hatred, guilt or shame
Back: Our challenge then, when we are doing something that is not enriching life, is to evaluate ourselves moment by moment in a way that inspires change both:
1. in the direction of where we would like to go
2. out of respect and compassion for ourselves, rather than out of self-hatred, guilt or shame

Front: Our challenge then, when we are doing something that is not enriching life, is to evaluate ourselves moment by moment in a way that [...] both:
1. in the direction of where we would like to go
2. out of respect and compassion for ourselves, rather than out of self-hatred, guilt or shame
Back: Our challenge then, when we are doing something that is not enriching life, is to evaluate ourselves moment by moment in a way that inspires change both:
1. in the direction of where we would like to go
2. out of respect and compassion for ourselves, rather than out of self-hatred, guilt or shame

Front: Our challenge then, when we are doing something that is not enriching life, is to evaluate ourselves moment by moment in a way that inspires change both:
1. [...]
2. out of respect and compassion for ourselves, rather than out of self-hatred, guilt or shame
Back: Our challenge then, when we are doing something that is not enriching life, is to evaluate ourselves moment by moment in a way that inspires change both:
1. in the direction of where we would like to go
2. out of respect and compassion for ourselves, rather than out of self-hatred, guilt or shame

Front: Our challenge then, when we are doing something that is not enriching life, is to evaluate ourselves moment by moment in a way that inspires change both:
1. in the direction of where we would like to go
2. out of [...], rather than out of self-hatred, guilt or shame
Back: Our challenge then, when we are doing something that is not enriching life, is to evaluate ourselves moment by moment in a way that inspires change both:
1. in the direction of where we would like to go
2. out of respect and compassion for ourselves, rather than out of self-hatred, guilt or shame

Front: Our challenge then, when we are doing something that is not enriching life, is to evaluate ourselves moment by moment in a way that inspires change both:
1. in the direction of where we would like to go
2. out of respect and compassion for ourselves, rather than out of [...]
Back: Our challenge then, when we are doing something that is not enriching life, is to evaluate ourselves moment by moment in a way that inspires change both:
1. in the direction of where we would like to go
2. out of respect and compassion for ourselves, rather than out of self-hatred, guilt or shame

Front: convert: "Look, you just messed up again!"
Back: "What unmet need of mine is being expressed through this moralistic judgment?"

Front: Just as we have learned to [...] when conversing with others, we can train ourselves to recognize judgmental self-talk and to immediately focus our attention on the underlying needs.
Back: Just as we have learned to translate judgments when conversing with others, we can train ourselves to recognize judgmental self-talk and to immediately focus our attention on the underlying needs.

Front: Just as we have learned to translate judgments when [...], we can train ourselves to recognize judgmental self-talk and to immediately focus our attention on the underlying needs.
Back: Just as we have learned to translate judgments when conversing with others, we can train ourselves to recognize judgmental self-talk and to immediately focus our attention on the underlying needs.

Front: Just as we have learned to translate judgments when conversing with others, we can [...] to recognize judgmental self-talk and to immediately focus our attention on the underlying needs.
Back: Just as we have learned to translate judgments when conversing with others, we can train ourselves to recognize judgmental self-talk and to immediately focus our attention on the underlying needs.

Front: Just as we have learned to translate judgments when conversing with others, we can train ourselves to [...] and to immediately focus our attention on the underlying needs.
Back: Just as we have learned to translate judgments when conversing with others, we can train ourselves to recognize judgmental self-talk and to immediately focus our attention on the underlying needs.

Front: Just as we have learned to translate judgments when conversing with others, we can train ourselves to recognize judgmental self-talk and to [...] focus our attention on the underlying needs.
Back: Just as we have learned to translate judgments when conversing with others, we can train ourselves to recognize judgmental self-talk and to immediately focus our attention on the underlying needs.

Front: Just as we have learned to translate judgments when conversing with others, we can train ourselves to recognize judgmental self-talk and to immediately [...].
Back: Just as we have learned to translate judgments when conversing with others, we can train ourselves to recognize judgmental self-talk and to immediately focus our attention on the underlying needs.

Front: When we do [...]--and there may be several layers of needs--we will notice a remarkable shift in our bodies.
Back: When we do connect to the need--and there may be several layers of needs--we will notice a remarkable shift in our bodies.

Front: When we do connect to the need--and there may be [...]--we will notice a remarkable shift in our bodies.
Back: When we do connect to the need--and there may be several layers of needs--we will notice a remarkable shift in our bodies.

Front: When we do connect to the need--and there may be several layers of needs--we will notice [...].
Back: When we do connect to the need--and there may be several layers of needs--we will notice a remarkable shift in our bodies.

Front: Instead of the [...], guilt, or depression we likely feel when criticizing ourselves for having "messed up again", we will experience any number of feelings.
Back: Instead of the shame, guilt, or depression we likely feel when criticizing ourselves for having "messed up again", we will experience any number of feelings.

Front: Instead of the shame, [...], or depression we likely feel when criticizing ourselves for having "messed up again", we will experience any number of feelings.
Back: Instead of the shame, guilt, or depression we likely feel when criticizing ourselves for having "messed up again", we will experience any number of feelings.

Front: Instead of the shame, guilt, or [...] we likely feel when criticizing ourselves for having "messed up again", we will experience any number of feelings.
Back: Instead of the shame, guilt, or depression we likely feel when criticizing ourselves for having "messed up again", we will experience any number of feelings.

Front: Instead of the shame, guilt, or depression we likely feel when [...] for having "messed up again", we will experience any number of feelings.
Back: Instead of the shame, guilt, or depression we likely feel when criticizing ourselves for having "messed up again", we will experience any number of feelings.

Front: Instead of the shame, guilt, or depression we likely feel when criticizing ourselves for having "[...]", we will experience any number of feelings.
Back: Instead of the shame, guilt, or depression we likely feel when criticizing ourselves for having "messed up again", we will experience any number of feelings.

Front: Instead of the shame, guilt, or depression we likely feel when criticizing ourselves for having "messed up again", we will experience [...].
Back: Instead of the shame, guilt, or depression we likely feel when criticizing ourselves for having "messed up again", we will experience any number of feelings.

Front: Whether it's [...], frustration, disappointment, fear, grief, or some other feeling, we have been endowed by nature with these feelings for a purpose: they mobilize us for action in pursuing and fulfilling what we need or value.
Back: Whether it's sadness, frustration, disappointment, fear, grief, or some other feeling, we have been endowed by nature with these feelings for a purpose: they mobilize us for action in pursuing and fulfilling what we need or value.

Front: Whether it's sadness, [...], disappointment, fear, grief, or some other feeling, we have been endowed by nature with these feelings for a purpose: they mobilize us for action in pursuing and fulfilling what we need or value.
Back: Whether it's sadness, frustration, disappointment, fear, grief, or some other feeling, we have been endowed by nature with these feelings for a purpose: they mobilize us for action in pursuing and fulfilling what we need or value.

Front: Whether it's sadness, frustration, [...], fear, grief, or some other feeling, we have been endowed by nature with these feelings for a purpose: they mobilize us for action in pursuing and fulfilling what we need or value.
Back: Whether it's sadness, frustration, disappointment, fear, grief, or some other feeling, we have been endowed by nature with these feelings for a purpose: they mobilize us for action in pursuing and fulfilling what we need or value.

Front: Whether it's sadness, frustration, disappointment, [...], grief, or some other feeling, we have been endowed by nature with these feelings for a purpose: they mobilize us for action in pursuing and fulfilling what we need or value.
Back: Whether it's sadness, frustration, disappointment, fear, grief, or some other feeling, we have been endowed by nature with these feelings for a purpose: they mobilize us for action in pursuing and fulfilling what we need or value.

Front: Whether it's sadness, frustration, disappointment, fear, [...], or some other feeling, we have been endowed by nature with these feelings for a purpose: they mobilize us for action in pursuing and fulfilling what we need or value.
Back: Whether it's sadness, frustration, disappointment, fear, grief, or some other feeling, we have been endowed by nature with these feelings for a purpose: they mobilize us for action in pursuing and fulfilling what we need or value.

Front: Whether it's sadness, frustration, disappointment, fear, grief, or [...], we have been endowed by nature with these feelings for a purpose: they mobilize us for action in pursuing and fulfilling what we need or value.
Back: Whether it's sadness, frustration, disappointment, fear, grief, or some other feeling, we have been endowed by nature with these feelings for a purpose: they mobilize us for action in pursuing and fulfilling what we need or value.

Front: Whether it's sadness, frustration, disappointment, fear, grief, or some other feeling, we have [...] with these feelings for a purpose: they mobilize us for action in pursuing and fulfilling what we need or value.
Back: Whether it's sadness, frustration, disappointment, fear, grief, or some other feeling, we have been endowed by nature with these feelings for a purpose: they mobilize us for action in pursuing and fulfilling what we need or value.

Front: Whether it's sadness, frustration, disappointment, fear, grief, or some other feeling, we have been endowed by nature with these feelings for [...]: they mobilize us for action in pursuing and fulfilling what we need or value.
Back: Whether it's sadness, frustration, disappointment, fear, grief, or some other feeling, we have been endowed by nature with these feelings for a purpose: they mobilize us for action in pursuing and fulfilling what we need or value.

Front: Whether it's sadness, frustration, disappointment, fear, grief, or some other feeling, we have been endowed by nature with these feelings for a purpose: they [...] in pursuing and fulfilling what we need or value.
Back: Whether it's sadness, frustration, disappointment, fear, grief, or some other feeling, we have been endowed by nature with these feelings for a purpose: they mobilize us for action in pursuing and fulfilling what we need or value.

Front: Whether it's sadness, frustration, disappointment, fear, grief, or some other feeling, we have been endowed by nature with these feelings for a purpose: they mobilize us for action in [...] what we need or value.
Back: Whether it's sadness, frustration, disappointment, fear, grief, or some other feeling, we have been endowed by nature with these feelings for a purpose: they mobilize us for action in pursuing and fulfilling what we need or value.

Front: Whether it's sadness, frustration, disappointment, fear, grief, or some other feeling, we have been endowed by nature with these feelings for a purpose: they mobilize us for action in pursuing and fulfilling [...].
Back: Whether it's sadness, frustration, disappointment, fear, grief, or some other feeling, we have been endowed by nature with these feelings for a purpose: they mobilize us for action in pursuing and fulfilling what we need or value.

Front: The [...] of these other feelings on our spirit and bodies is substantially different from the disconnection that is brought on by guilt, shame, and depression.
Back: The impact of these other feelings on our spirit and bodies is substantially different from the disconnection that is brought on by guilt, shame, and depression.

Front: The impact of [...] on our spirit and bodies is substantially different from the disconnection that is brought on by guilt, shame, and depression.
Back: The impact of these other feelings on our spirit and bodies is substantially different from the disconnection that is brought on by guilt, shame, and depression.

Front: The impact of these other feelings on our [...] is substantially different from the disconnection that is brought on by guilt, shame, and depression.
Back: The impact of these other feelings on our spirit and bodies is substantially different from the disconnection that is brought on by guilt, shame, and depression.

Front: The impact of these other feelings on our spirit and bodies is [...] the disconnection that is brought on by guilt, shame, and depression.
Back: The impact of these other feelings on our spirit and bodies is substantially different from the disconnection that is brought on by guilt, shame, and depression.

Front: The impact of these other feelings on our spirit and bodies is substantially different from the [...] that is brought on by guilt, shame, and depression.
Back: The impact of these other feelings on our spirit and bodies is substantially different from the disconnection that is brought on by guilt, shame, and depression.

Front: The impact of these other feelings on our spirit and bodies is substantially different from the disconnection that is brought on by [...], shame, and depression.
Back: The impact of these other feelings on our spirit and bodies is substantially different from the disconnection that is brought on by guilt, shame, and depression.

Front: The impact of these other feelings on our spirit and bodies is substantially different from the disconnection that is brought on by guilt, [...], and depression.
Back: The impact of these other feelings on our spirit and bodies is substantially different from the disconnection that is brought on by guilt, shame, and depression.

Front: The impact of these other feelings on our spirit and bodies is substantially different from the disconnection that is brought on by guilt, shame, and [...].
Back: The impact of these other feelings on our spirit and bodies is substantially different from the disconnection that is brought on by guilt, shame, and depression.

Front: [...] is the process of fully connecting with the unmet needs and feelings that are generated when we have been less than perfect.
Back: Mourning in NVC is the process of fully connecting with the unmet needs and feelings that are generated when we have been less than perfect.

Front: Mourning in NVC is the process of [...] the unmet needs and feelings that are generated when we have been less than perfect.
Back: Mourning in NVC is the process of fully connecting with the unmet needs and feelings that are generated when we have been less than perfect.

Front: Mourning in NVC is the process of fully connecting with the [...] that are generated when we have been less than perfect.
Back: Mourning in NVC is the process of fully connecting with the unmet needs and feelings that are generated when we have been less than perfect.

Front: Mourning in NVC is the process of fully connecting with the unmet needs and feelings that [...] when we have been less than perfect.
Back: Mourning in NVC is the process of fully connecting with the unmet needs and feelings that are generated when we have been less than perfect.

Front: Mourning in NVC is the process of fully connecting with the unmet needs and feelings that are generated when [...].
Back: Mourning in NVC is the process of fully connecting with the unmet needs and feelings that are generated when we have been less than perfect.

Front: [...] is an experience of regret that helps us learn from what we have done without blaming or hating ourselves.
Back: Mourning in NVC is an experience of regret that helps us learn from what we have done without blaming or hating ourselves.

Front: Mourning in NVC is an experience of [...] that helps us learn from what we have done without blaming or hating ourselves.
Back: Mourning in NVC is an experience of regret that helps us learn from what we have done without blaming or hating ourselves.

Front: Mourning in NVC is an experience of regret that helps us [...] without blaming or hating ourselves.
Back: Mourning in NVC is an experience of regret that helps us learn from what we have done without blaming or hating ourselves.

Front: Mourning in NVC is an experience of regret that helps us learn from what we have done without [...] or hating ourselves.
Back: Mourning in NVC is an experience of regret that helps us learn from what we have done without blaming or hating ourselves.

Front: Mourning in NVC is an experience of regret that helps us learn from what we have done without blaming or [...] ourselves.
Back: Mourning in NVC is an experience of regret that helps us learn from what we have done without blaming or hating ourselves.

Front: We see how [...] ran counter to our own needs, and we open ourselves to feelings that arise out of that awareness.
Back: We see how our behavior ran counter to our own needs, and we open ourselves to feelings that arise out of that awareness.

Front: We see how our behavior [...], and we open ourselves to feelings that arise out of that awareness.
Back: We see how our behavior ran counter to our own needs, and we open ourselves to feelings that arise out of that awareness.

Front: We see how our behavior ran counter to our own needs, and we [...] to feelings that arise out of that awareness.
Back: We see how our behavior ran counter to our own needs, and we open ourselves to feelings that arise out of that awareness.

Front: We see how our behavior ran counter to our own needs, and we open ourselves to [...] that arise out of that awareness.
Back: We see how our behavior ran counter to our own needs, and we open ourselves to feelings that arise out of that awareness.

Front: We see how our behavior ran counter to our own needs, and we open ourselves to feelings that [...].
Back: We see how our behavior ran counter to our own needs, and we open ourselves to feelings that arise out of that awareness.

Front: When [...], we are naturally stimulated towards the creative possibilities of how to get that need met.
Back: When our consciousness is focused on what we need, we are naturally stimulated towards the creative possibilities of how to get that need met.

Front: When our consciousness is focused on what we need, we are [...] the creative possibilities of how to get that need met.
Back: When our consciousness is focused on what we need, we are naturally stimulated towards the creative possibilities of how to get that need met.

Front: When our consciousness is focused on what we need, we are naturally stimulated towards the [...] of how to get that need met.
Back: When our consciousness is focused on what we need, we are naturally stimulated towards the creative possibilities of how to get that need met.

Front: When our consciousness is focused on what we need, we are naturally stimulated towards the creative possibilities of [...].
Back: When our consciousness is focused on what we need, we are naturally stimulated towards the creative possibilities of how to get that need met.

Front: [...] we use when blaming ourselves tend to obscure such possibilities and to perpetuate a state of self-punishment.
Back: Moralistic judgments we use when blaming ourselves tend to obscure such possibilities and to perpetuate a state of self-punishment.

Front: Moralistic judgments we use when [...] tend to obscure such possibilities and to perpetuate a state of self-punishment.
Back: Moralistic judgments we use when blaming ourselves tend to obscure such possibilities and to perpetuate a state of self-punishment.

Front: Moralistic judgments we use when blaming ourselves tend to [...] and to perpetuate a state of self-punishment.
Back: Moralistic judgments we use when blaming ourselves tend to obscure such possibilities and to perpetuate a state of self-punishment.

Front: Moralistic judgments we use when blaming ourselves tend to obscure such possibilities and to [...].
Back: Moralistic judgments we use when blaming ourselves tend to obscure such possibilities and to perpetuate a state of self-punishment.

Front: We [...] on the process of mourning with self-forgiveness.
Back: We follow up on the process of mourning with self-forgiveness.

Front: We follow up on [...] with self-forgiveness.
Back: We follow up on the process of mourning with self-forgiveness.

Front: We follow up on the process of mourning with [...].
Back: We follow up on the process of mourning with self-forgiveness.

Front: [...]: connecting with the need we were trying to meet when we took the action which we now regret.
Back: NVC self-forgiveness: connecting with the need we were trying to meet when we took the action which we now regret.

Front: NVC self-forgiveness: [...] we were trying to meet when we took the action which we now regret.
Back: NVC self-forgiveness: connecting with the need we were trying to meet when we took the action which we now regret.

Front: NVC self-forgiveness: connecting with the need we were [...] when we took the action which we now regret.
Back: NVC self-forgiveness: connecting with the need we were trying to meet when we took the action which we now regret.

Front: NVC self-forgiveness: connecting with the need we were trying to meet when we [...] which we now regret.
Back: NVC self-forgiveness: connecting with the need we were trying to meet when we took the action which we now regret.

Front: NVC self-forgiveness: connecting with the need we were trying to meet when we took the action which [...].
Back: NVC self-forgiveness: connecting with the need we were trying to meet when we took the action which we now regret.

Front: [...] occurs the moment we make an empathic connection to our underlying need.
Back: Self-forgiveness occurs the moment we make an empathic connection to our underlying need.

Front: Self-forgiveness occurs the moment we make [...] to our underlying need.
Back: Self-forgiveness occurs the moment we make an empathic connection to our underlying need.

Front: Self-forgiveness occurs the moment we make an empathic connection to [...].
Back: Self-forgiveness occurs the moment we make an empathic connection to our underlying need.

Front: We are able to [...] how our choice was an attempt to serve life, even as the mourning process teaches us how it fell short of fulfilling our needs.
Back: We are able to recognize how our choice was an attempt to serve life, even as the mourning process teaches us how it fell short of fulfilling our needs.

Front: We are able to recognize how [...] was an attempt to serve life, even as the mourning process teaches us how it fell short of fulfilling our needs.
Back: We are able to recognize how our choice was an attempt to serve life, even as the mourning process teaches us how it fell short of fulfilling our needs.

Front: We are able to recognize how our choice was [...], even as the mourning process teaches us how it fell short of fulfilling our needs.
Back: We are able to recognize how our choice was an attempt to serve life, even as the mourning process teaches us how it fell short of fulfilling our needs.

Front: We are able to recognize how our choice was an attempt to serve life, even as [...] teaches us how it fell short of fulfilling our needs.
Back: We are able to recognize how our choice was an attempt to serve life, even as the mourning process teaches us how it fell short of fulfilling our needs.

Front: We are able to recognize how our choice was an attempt to serve life, even as the mourning process [...] how it fell short of fulfilling our needs.
Back: We are able to recognize how our choice was an attempt to serve life, even as the mourning process teaches us how it fell short of fulfilling our needs.

Front: We are able to recognize how our choice was an attempt to serve life, even as the mourning process teaches us how [...].
Back: We are able to recognize how our choice was an attempt to serve life, even as the mourning process teaches us how it fell short of fulfilling our needs.

Front: An important aspect of [...] is to be able to empathically hold both parts of ourselves--the self that regrets a past action and the self that took the action in the first place.
Back: An important aspect of self-compassion is to be able to empathically hold both parts of ourselves--the self that regrets a past action and the self that took the action in the first place.

Front: An important aspect of self-compassion is to be able to [...]--the self that regrets a past action and the self that took the action in the first place.
Back: An important aspect of self-compassion is to be able to empathically hold both parts of ourselves--the self that regrets a past action and the self that took the action in the first place.

Front: An important aspect of self-compassion is to be able to empathically hold both parts of ourselves--[...] and the self that took the action in the first place.
Back: An important aspect of self-compassion is to be able to empathically hold both parts of ourselves--the self that regrets a past action and the self that took the action in the first place.

Front: An important aspect of self-compassion is to be able to empathically hold both parts of ourselves--the self that regrets a past action and the [...].
Back: An important aspect of self-compassion is to be able to empathically hold both parts of ourselves--the self that regrets a past action and the self that took the action in the first place.

Front: In [...] moment by moment to our needs, we increase our creative capacity to act in harmony with them.
Back: In connecting moment by moment to our needs, we increase our creative capacity to act in harmony with them.

Front: In connecting [...] to our needs, we increase our creative capacity to act in harmony with them.
Back: In connecting moment by moment to our needs, we increase our creative capacity to act in harmony with them.

Front: In connecting moment by moment to [...], we increase our creative capacity to act in harmony with them.
Back: In connecting moment by moment to our needs, we increase our creative capacity to act in harmony with them.

Front: In connecting moment by moment to our needs, we [...] our creative capacity to act in harmony with them.
Back: In connecting moment by moment to our needs, we increase our creative capacity to act in harmony with them.

Front: In connecting moment by moment to our needs, we increase our [...] to act in harmony with them.
Back: In connecting moment by moment to our needs, we increase our creative capacity to act in harmony with them.

Front: In connecting moment by moment to our needs, we increase our creative capacity to [...].
Back: In connecting moment by moment to our needs, we increase our creative capacity to act in harmony with them.

Front: [...] to the part of the self which chose to act in the way that led to the present situation, we ask ourselves, "When I behaved in the way which I now regret, what need of mine was I trying to meet?"
Back: Turning our attention to the part of the self which chose to act in the way that led to the present situation, we ask ourselves, "When I behaved in the way which I now regret, what need of mine was I trying to meet?"

Front: Turning our attention to [...] which chose to act in the way that led to the present situation, we ask ourselves, "When I behaved in the way which I now regret, what need of mine was I trying to meet?"
Back: Turning our attention to the part of the self which chose to act in the way that led to the present situation, we ask ourselves, "When I behaved in the way which I now regret, what need of mine was I trying to meet?"

Front: Turning our attention to the part of the self which [...] that led to the present situation, we ask ourselves, "When I behaved in the way which I now regret, what need of mine was I trying to meet?"
Back: Turning our attention to the part of the self which chose to act in the way that led to the present situation, we ask ourselves, "When I behaved in the way which I now regret, what need of mine was I trying to meet?"

Front: Turning our attention to the part of the self which chose to act in the way that [...], we ask ourselves, "When I behaved in the way which I now regret, what need of mine was I trying to meet?" (not that we now regret)
Back: Turning our attention to the part of the self which chose to act in the way that led to the present situation, we ask ourselves, "When I behaved in the way which I now regret, what need of mine was I trying to meet?"

Front: Turning our attention to the part of the self which chose to act in the way that led to the present situation, we [...], "When I behaved in the way which I now regret, what need of mine was I trying to meet?"
Back: Turning our attention to the part of the self which chose to act in the way that led to the present situation, we ask ourselves, "When I behaved in the way which I now regret, what need of mine was I trying to meet?"

Front: Turning our attention to the part of the self which chose to act in the way that led to the present situation, we ask ourselves, "[...], what need of mine was I trying to meet?"
Back: Turning our attention to the part of the self which chose to act in the way that led to the present situation, we ask ourselves, "When I behaved in the way which I now regret, what need of mine was I trying to meet?"

Front: Turning our attention to the part of the self which chose to act in the way that led to the present situation, we ask ourselves, "When I behaved in the way which I now regret, [...]?"
Back: Turning our attention to the part of the self which chose to act in the way that led to the present situation, we ask ourselves, "When I behaved in the way which I now regret, what need of mine was I trying to meet?"

Front: convert: (to myself) "How could you be so careless? What a stupid thing to do!"
Back: "What need lies behind my judging myself as 'careless' and 'stupid'"?

Front: Instead of [...], I felt a wave of compassion for myself as I realized that even my rushing and putting the pen away unthinkingly had come out of serving my own need to respond to others in a caring way.
Back: Instead of blame, I felt a wave of compassion for myself as I realized that even my rushing and putting the pen away unthinkingly had come out of serving my own need to respond to others in a caring way.

Front: Instead of blame, I felt [...] as I realized that even my rushing and putting the pen away unthinkingly had come out of serving my own need to respond to others in a caring way.
Back: Instead of blame, I felt a wave of compassion for myself as I realized that even my rushing and putting the pen away unthinkingly had come out of serving my own need to respond to others in a caring way.

Front: Instead of blame, I felt a wave of compassion for myself as I realized that even my rushing and putting the pen away unthinkingly had come out of [...] to respond to others in a caring way.
Back: Instead of blame, I felt a wave of compassion for myself as I realized that even my rushing and putting the pen away unthinkingly had come out of serving my own need to respond to others in a caring way.

Front: Instead of blame, I felt a wave of compassion for myself as I realized that even my rushing and putting the pen away unthinkingly had come out of serving my own need to [...].
Back: Instead of blame, I felt a wave of compassion for myself as I realized that even my rushing and putting the pen away unthinkingly had come out of serving my own need to respond to others in a caring way.

Front: Being [...] both needs, I can imagine ways of behaving differently in similar situations and arriving at solutions more resourcefully than if I lose than consciousness in a sea of self-judgment.
Back: Being conscious of both needs, I can imagine ways of behaving differently in similar situations and arriving at solutions more resourcefully than if I lose that consciousness in a sea of self-judgment.

Front: Being conscious of [...], I can imagine ways of behaving differently in similar situations and arriving at solutions more resourcefully than if I lose than consciousness in a sea of self-judgment.
Back: Being conscious of both needs, I can imagine ways of behaving differently in similar situations and arriving at solutions more resourcefully than if I lose that consciousness in a sea of self-judgment.

Front: Being conscious of both needs, I can [...] ways of behaving differently in similar situations and arriving at solutions more resourcefully than if I lose than consciousness in a sea of self-judgment.
Back: Being conscious of both needs, I can imagine ways of behaving differently in similar situations and arriving at solutions more resourcefully than if I lose that consciousness in a sea of self-judgment.

Front: Being conscious of both needs, I can imagine [...] in similar situations and arriving at solutions more resourcefully than if I lose than consciousness in a sea of self-judgment.
Back: Being conscious of both needs, I can imagine ways of behaving differently in similar situations and arriving at solutions more resourcefully than if I lose that consciousness in a sea of self-judgment.

Front: Being conscious of both needs, I can imagine ways of behaving differently in [...] and arriving at solutions more resourcefully than if I lose than consciousness in a sea of self-judgment.
Back: Being conscious of both needs, I can imagine ways of behaving differently in similar situations and arriving at solutions more resourcefully than if I lose that consciousness in a sea of self-judgment.

Front: Being conscious of both needs, I can imagine ways of behaving differently in similar situations and [...] than if I lose than consciousness in a sea of self-judgment.
Back: Being conscious of both needs, I can imagine ways of behaving differently in similar situations and arriving at solutions more resourcefully than if I lose that consciousness in a sea of self-judgment.

Front: Being conscious of both needs, I can imagine ways of behaving differently in similar situations and arriving at solutions more resourcefully than if I [...] in a sea of self-judgment.
Back: Being conscious of both needs, I can imagine ways of behaving differently in similar situations and arriving at solutions more resourcefully than if I lose that consciousness in a sea of self-judgment.

Front: Being conscious of both needs, I can imagine ways of behaving differently in similar situations and arriving at solutions more resourcefully than if I lose that consciousness in a [...].
Back: Being conscious of both needs, I can imagine ways of behaving differently in similar situations and arriving at solutions more resourcefully than if I lose that consciousness in a sea of self-judgment.

Front: We are [...] with ourselves when we are able to embrace all parts of ourselves and recognize the needs and values expressed by each part.
Back: We are compassionate with ourselves when we are able to embrace all parts of ourselves and recognize the needs and values expressed by each part.

Front: We are compassionate with [...] when we are able to embrace all parts of ourselves and recognize the needs and values expressed by each part.
Back: We are compassionate with ourselves when we are able to embrace all parts of ourselves and recognize the needs and values expressed by each part.

Front: We are compassionate with ourselves when we are able to [...] and recognize the needs and values expressed by each part.
Back: We are compassionate with ourselves when we are able to embrace all parts of ourselves and recognize the needs and values expressed by each part.

Front: We are compassionate with ourselves when we are able to embrace all parts of ourselves and [...] expressed by each part.
Back: We are compassionate with ourselves when we are able to embrace all parts of ourselves and recognize the needs and values expressed by each part.

Front: We are compassionate with ourselves when we are able to embrace all parts of ourselves and recognize the needs and values [...].
Back: We are compassionate with ourselves when we are able to embrace all parts of ourselves and recognize the needs and values expressed by each part.

Front: We want to [...] out of the desire to contribute to life rather than out of fear, guilt, shame, or obligation.
Back: We want to take action out of the desire to contribute to life rather than out of fear, guilt, shame, or obligation.

Front: We want to take action out of [...] rather than out of fear, guilt, shame, or obligation.
Back: We want to take action out of the desire to contribute to life rather than out of fear, guilt, shame, or obligation.

Front: We want to take action out of the desire to contribute to life rather than out of [...], guilt, shame, or obligation.
Back: We want to take action out of the desire to contribute to life rather than out of fear, guilt, shame, or obligation.

Front: We want to take action out of the desire to contribute to life rather than out of fear, [...], shame, or obligation.
Back: We want to take action out of the desire to contribute to life rather than out of fear, guilt, shame, or obligation.

Front: We want to take action out of the desire to contribute to life rather than out of fear, guilt, [...], or obligation.
Back: We want to take action out of the desire to contribute to life rather than out of fear, guilt, shame, or obligation.

Front: We want to take action out of the desire to contribute to life rather than out of fear, guilt, shame, or [...].
Back: We want to take action out of the desire to contribute to life rather than out of fear, guilt, shame, or obligation.

Front: Don't do [...] that isn't play!
Back: Don't do anything that isn't play!

Front: Don't do anything that isn't [...]!
Back: Don't do anything that isn't play!

Front: When we are [...] of the life-enriching purpose behind an action we take, when the sole energy that motivates us is simply to make life wonderful for others and ourselves, then even hard work has an element of play in it.
Back: When we are conscious of the life-enriching purpose behind an action we take, when the sole energy that motivates us is simply to make life wonderful for others and ourselves, then even hard work has an element of play in it.

Front: When we are conscious of the [...] behind an action we take, when the sole energy that motivates us is simply to make life wonderful for others and ourselves, then even hard work has an element of play in it.
Back: When we are conscious of the life-enriching purpose behind an action we take, when the sole energy that motivates us is simply to make life wonderful for others and ourselves, then even hard work has an element of play in it.

Front: When we are conscious of the life-enriching purpose behind [...], when the sole energy that motivates us is simply to make life wonderful for others and ourselves, then even hard work has an element of play in it.
Back: When we are conscious of the life-enriching purpose behind an action we take, when the sole energy that motivates us is simply to make life wonderful for others and ourselves, then even hard work has an element of play in it.

Front: When we are conscious of the life-enriching purpose behind an action we take, when the [...] that motivates us is simply to make life wonderful for others and ourselves, then even hard work has an element of play in it.
Back: When we are conscious of the life-enriching purpose behind an action we take, when the sole energy that motivates us is simply to make life wonderful for others and ourselves, then even hard work has an element of play in it.

Front: When we are conscious of the life-enriching purpose behind an action we take, when the sole energy that [...] is simply to make life wonderful for others and ourselves, then even hard work has an element of play in it.
Back: When we are conscious of the life-enriching purpose behind an action we take, when the sole energy that motivates us is simply to make life wonderful for others and ourselves, then even hard work has an element of play in it.

Front: When we are conscious of the life-enriching purpose behind an action we take, when the sole energy that motivates us is simply to [...], then even hard work has an element of play in it.
Back: When we are conscious of the life-enriching purpose behind an action we take, when the sole energy that motivates us is simply to make life wonderful for others and ourselves, then even hard work has an element of play in it.

Front: When we are conscious of the life-enriching purpose behind an action we take, when the sole energy that motivates us is simply to make life wonderful for others and ourselves, then even [...] has an element of play in it.
Back: When we are conscious of the life-enriching purpose behind an action we take, when the sole energy that motivates us is simply to make life wonderful for others and ourselves, then even hard work has an element of play in it.

Front: When we are conscious of the life-enriching purpose behind an action we take, when the sole energy that motivates us is simply to make life wonderful for others and ourselves, then even hard work has [...] in it.
Back: When we are conscious of the life-enriching purpose behind an action we take, when the sole energy that motivates us is simply to make life wonderful for others and ourselves, then even hard work has an element of play in it.

Front: An [...] performed out of obligation, duty, fear, guilt, or shame will lose its joy and eventually engender resistance.
Back: An otherwise joyful activity performed out of obligation, duty, fear, guilt, or shame will lose its joy and eventually engender resistance.

Front: An otherwise joyful activity performed out of [...], duty, fear, guilt, or shame will lose its joy and eventually engender resistance.
Back: An otherwise joyful activity performed out of obligation, duty, fear, guilt, or shame will lose its joy and eventually engender resistance.

Front: An otherwise joyful activity performed out of obligation, [...], fear, guilt, or shame will lose its joy and eventually engender resistance.
Back: An otherwise joyful activity performed out of obligation, duty, fear, guilt, or shame will lose its joy and eventually engender resistance.

Front: An otherwise joyful activity performed out of obligation, duty, [...], guilt, or shame will lose its joy and eventually engender resistance.
Back: An otherwise joyful activity performed out of obligation, duty, fear, guilt, or shame will lose its joy and eventually engender resistance.

Front: An otherwise joyful activity performed out of obligation, duty, fear, [...], or shame will lose its joy and eventually engender resistance.
Back: An otherwise joyful activity performed out of obligation, duty, fear, guilt, or shame will lose its joy and eventually engender resistance.

Front: An otherwise joyful activity performed out of obligation, duty, fear, guilt, or [...] will lose its joy and eventually engender resistance.
Back: An otherwise joyful activity performed out of obligation, duty, fear, guilt, or shame will lose its joy and eventually engender resistance.

Front: An otherwise joyful activity performed out of obligation, duty, fear, guilt, or shame will [...] and eventually engender resistance.
Back: An otherwise joyful activity performed out of obligation, duty, fear, guilt, or shame will lose its joy and eventually engender resistance.

Front: An otherwise joyful activity performed out of obligation, duty, fear, guilt, or shame will lose its joy and [...] engender resistance.
Back: An otherwise joyful activity performed out of obligation, duty, fear, guilt, or shame will lose its joy and eventually engender resistance.

Front: An otherwise joyful activity performed out of obligation, duty, fear, guilt, or shame will lose its joy and eventually [...].
Back: An otherwise joyful activity performed out of obligation, duty, fear, guilt, or shame will lose its joy and eventually engender resistance.

Front: [...] steps:
1. list all the those things you tell yourself you have to do
2. acknowledge to yourself that you are doing those things because you choose to, not because you have to
3. complete the statement "I chose to _____ because I want _____"
Back: translating "have to" to "choose to" steps:
1. list all the those things you tell yourself you have to do
2. acknowledge to yourself that you are doing those things because you choose to, not because you have to
3. complete the statement "I chose to _____ because I want _____"

Front: translating "have to" to "choose to" steps:
1. [...]
2. acknowledge to yourself that you are doing those things because you choose to, not because you have to
3. complete the statement "I chose to _____ because I want _____"
Back: translating "have to" to "choose to" steps:
1. list all the those things you tell yourself you have to do
2. acknowledge to yourself that you are doing those things because you choose to, not because you have to
3. complete the statement "I chose to _____ because I want _____"

Front: translating "have to" to "choose to" steps:
1. list all the those things you tell yourself you have to do
2. [...]
3. complete the statement "I chose to _____ because I want _____"
Back: translating "have to" to "choose to" steps:
1. list all the those things you tell yourself you have to do
2. acknowledge to yourself that you are doing those things because you choose to, not because you have to
3. complete the statement "I chose to _____ because I want _____"

Front: translating "have to" to "choose to" steps:
1. list all the those things you tell yourself you have to do
2. acknowledge to yourself that you are doing those things because you choose to, not because you have to
3. [...]
Back: translating "have to" to "choose to" steps:
1. list all the those things you tell yourself you have to do
2. acknowledge to yourself that you are doing those things because you choose to, not because you have to
3. complete the statement "I chose to _____ because I want _____"

Front: After having [...] that you choose to do a particular activity, get in touch with the intention behind the choice by completing the statement, "I choose to _____ because I want _____".
Back: After having acknowledged that you choose to do a particular activity, get in touch with the intention behind the choice by completing the statement, "I choose to _____ because I want _____".

Front: After having acknowledged that you [...] a particular activity, get in touch with the intention behind the choice by completing the statement, "I choose to _____ because I want _____".
Back: After having acknowledged that you choose to do a particular activity, get in touch with the intention behind the choice by completing the statement, "I choose to _____ because I want _____".

Front: After having acknowledged that you choose to do a particular activity, [...] the intention behind the choice by completing the statement, "I choose to _____ because I want _____".
Back: After having acknowledged that you choose to do a particular activity, get in touch with the intention behind the choice by completing the statement, "I choose to _____ because I want _____".

Front: After having acknowledged that you choose to do a particular activity, get in touch with the [...] by completing the statement, "I choose to _____ because I want _____".
Back: After having acknowledged that you choose to do a particular activity, get in touch with the intention behind the choice by completing the statement, "I choose to _____ because I want _____".

Front: With [...], be conscious of what need it serves. (not action)
Back: With every choice you make, be conscious of what need it serves.

Front: With every choice you make, be [...] of what need it serves.
Back: With every choice you make, be conscious of what need it serves.

Front: With every choice you make, be conscious of [...].
Back: With every choice you make, be conscious of what need it serves.

Front: Be [...] the actions motivated by the dersire for money or the approval of others, and by fear, shame, or guilt.
Back: Be conscious of the actions motivated by the dersire for money or the approval of others, and by fear, shame, or guilt.

Front: Be conscious of the [...] the desire for money or the approval of others, and by fear, shame, or guilt.
Back: Be conscious of the actions motivated by the desire for money or the approval of others, and by fear, shame, or guilt.

Front: Be conscious of the actions motivated by the [...] money or the approval of others, and by fear, shame, or guilt.
Back: Be conscious of the actions motivated by the desire for money or the approval of others, and by fear, shame, or guilt.

Front: Be conscious of the actions motivated by the desire for [...] or the approval of others, and by fear, shame, or guilt.
Back: Be conscious of the actions motivated by the desire for money or the approval of others, and by fear, shame, or guilt.

Front: Be conscious of the actions motivated by the desire for money or the [...], and by fear, shame, or guilt.
Back: Be conscious of the actions motivated by the desire for money or the approval of others, and by fear, shame, or guilt.

Front: Be conscious of the actions motivated by the desire for money or the approval of others, and by [...], shame, or guilt.
Back: Be conscious of the actions motivated by the desire for money or the approval of others, and by fear, shame, or guilt.

Front: Be conscious of the actions motivated by the desire for money or the approval of others, and by fear, [...], or guilt.
Back: Be conscious of the actions motivated by the desire for money or the approval of others, and by fear, shame, or guilt.

Front: Be conscious of the actions motivated by the desire for money or the approval of others, and by fear, shame, or [...].
Back: Be conscious of the actions motivated by the desire for money or the approval of others, and by fear, shame, or guilt.

Front: Be conscious of the actions motivated by the desire for money or the approval of others, and by fear, shame, or guilt. [...]
Back: Be conscious of the actions motivated by the desire for money or the approval of others, and by fear, shame, or guilt. Know the price you pay for them.

Front: The [...] of all behaviors may consist of doing things "because we're supposed to."
Back: The most dangerous of all behaviors may consist of doing things "because we're supposed to."

Front: The most dangerous of [...] may consist of doing things "because we're supposed to."
Back: The most dangerous of all behaviors may consist of doing things "because we're supposed to."

Front: The most dangerous of all behaviors [...] doing things "because we're supposed to."
Back: The most dangerous of all behaviors may consist of doing things "because we're supposed to."

Front: The most dangerous of all behaviors may consist of [...] "because we're supposed to."
Back: The most dangerous of all behaviors may consist of doing things "because we're supposed to."

Front: The most dangerous of all behaviors may consist of doing things "[...]."
Back: The most dangerous of all behaviors may consist of doing things "because we're supposed to."

Front: I am [...] after we gain clarity regarding the need being served by our actions, we can experience them as play even when they involve hard work, challenge, or frustration.
Back: I am convinced that after we gain clarity regarding the need being served by our actions, we can experience them as play even when they involve hard work, challenge, or frustration.

Front: I am convinced that after we [...] the need being served by our actions, we can experience them as play even when they involve hard work, challenge, or frustration.
Back: I am convinced that after we gain clarity regarding the need being served by our actions, we can experience them as play even when they involve hard work, challenge, or frustration.

Front: I am convinced that after we gain clarity regarding the [...], we can experience them as play even when they involve hard work, challenge, or frustration.
Back: I am convinced that after we gain clarity regarding the need being served by our actions, we can experience them as play even when they involve hard work, challenge, or frustration.

Front: I am convinced that after we gain clarity regarding the need being served by our actions, we can [...] even when they involve hard work, challenge, or frustration.
Back: I am convinced that after we gain clarity regarding the need being served by our actions, we can experience them as play even when they involve hard work, challenge, or frustration.

Front: I am convinced that after we gain clarity regarding the need being served by our actions, we can experience them as play even when they involve [...], challenge, or frustration.
Back: I am convinced that after we gain clarity regarding the need being served by our actions, we can experience them as play even when they involve hard work, challenge, or frustration.

Front: I am convinced that after we gain clarity regarding the need being served by our actions, we can experience them as play even when they involve hard work, [...], or frustration.
Back: I am convinced that after we gain clarity regarding the need being served by our actions, we can experience them as play even when they involve hard work, challenge, or frustration.

Front: I am convinced that after we gain clarity regarding the need being served by our actions, we can experience them as play even when they involve hard work, challenge, or [...].
Back: I am convinced that after we gain clarity regarding the need being served by our actions, we can experience them as play even when they involve hard work, challenge, or frustration.

Front: [...]:
1. for money
2. for approval
3. to escape punishment
4. to avoid shame
5. to avoid guilt
6. out of duty
Back: possible motivations for our actions:
1. for money
2. for approval
3. to escape punishment
4. to avoid shame
5. to avoid guilt
6. out of duty

Front: possible motivations for our actions:
1. [...]
2. for approval
3. to escape punishment
4. to avoid shame
5. to avoid guilt
6. out of duty
Back: possible motivations for our actions:
1. for money
2. for approval
3. to escape punishment
4. to avoid shame
5. to avoid guilt
6. out of duty

Front: possible motivations for our actions:
1. for money
2. [...]
3. to escape punishment
4. to avoid shame
5. to avoid guilt
6. out of duty
Back: possible motivations for our actions:
1. for money
2. for approval
3. to escape punishment
4. to avoid shame
5. to avoid guilt
6. out of duty

Front: possible motivations for our actions:
1. for money
2. for approval
3. [...]
4. to avoid shame
5. to avoid guilt
6. out of duty
Back: possible motivations for our actions:
1. for money
2. for approval
3. to escape punishment
4. to avoid shame
5. to avoid guilt
6. out of duty

Front: possible motivations for our actions:
1. for money
2. for approval
3. to escape punishment
4. [...]
5. to avoid guilt
6. out of duty
Back: possible motivations for our actions:
1. for money
2. for approval
3. to escape punishment
4. to avoid shame
5. to avoid guilt
6. out of duty

Front: possible motivations for our actions:
1. for money
2. for approval
3. to escape punishment
4. to avoid shame
5. [...]
6. out of duty
Back: possible motivations for our actions:
1. for money
2. for approval
3. to escape punishment
4. to avoid shame
5. to avoid guilt
6. out of duty

Front: possible motivations for our actions:
1. for money
2. for approval
3. to escape punishment
4. to avoid shame
5. to avoid guilt
6. [...]
Back: possible motivations for our actions:
1. for money
2. for approval
3. to escape punishment
4. to avoid shame
5. to avoid guilt
6. out of duty

Front: [...] is a major form of extrinsic reward in our society.
Back: Money is a major form of extrinsic reward in our society.

Front: Money is a major form of [...] in our society.
Back: Money is a major form of extrinsic reward in our society.

Front: [...] prompted by a desire for reward are costly: the deprive us of the joy in life that comes with actions grounded in the clear intention to contribute to a human need.
Back: Choices prompted by a desire for reward are costly: the deprive us of the joy in life that comes with actions grounded in the clear intention to contribute to a human need.

Front: Choices [...] a desire for reward are costly: the deprive us of the joy in life that comes with actions grounded in the clear intention to contribute to a human need.
Back: Choices prompted by a desire for reward are costly: the deprive us of the joy in life that comes with actions grounded in the clear intention to contribute to a human need.

Front: Choices prompted by a [...] are costly: the deprive us of the joy in life that comes with actions grounded in the clear intention to contribute to a human need.
Back: Choices prompted by a desire for reward are costly: the deprive us of the joy in life that comes with actions grounded in the clear intention to contribute to a human need.

Front: Choices prompted by a desire for reward are [...]: the deprive us of the joy in life that comes with actions grounded in the clear intention to contribute to a human need.
Back: Choices prompted by a desire for reward are costly: the deprive us of the joy in life that comes with actions grounded in the clear intention to contribute to a human need.

Front: Choices prompted by a desire for reward are costly: they [...] the joy in life that comes with actions grounded in the clear intention to contribute to a human need.
Back: Choices prompted by a desire for reward are costly: they deprive us of the joy in life that comes with actions grounded in the clear intention to contribute to a human need.

Front: Choices prompted by a desire for reward are costly: they deprive us of the [...] that comes with actions grounded in the clear intention to contribute to a human need.
Back: Choices prompted by a desire for reward are costly: they deprive us of the joy in life that comes with actions grounded in the clear intention to contribute to a human need.

Front: Choices prompted by a desire for reward are costly: they deprive us of the joy in life that [...] actions grounded in the clear intention to contribute to a human need.
Back: Choices prompted by a desire for reward are costly: they deprive us of the joy in life that comes with actions grounded in the clear intention to contribute to a human need.

Front: Choices prompted by a desire for reward are costly: they deprive us of the joy in life that comes with [...] grounded in the clear intention to contribute to a human need.
Back: Choices prompted by a desire for reward are costly: they deprive us of the joy in life that comes with actions grounded in the clear intention to contribute to a human need.

Front: Choices prompted by a desire for reward are costly: they deprive us of the joy in life that comes with actions [...] to contribute to a human need.
Back: Choices prompted by a desire for reward are costly: they deprive us of the joy in life that comes with actions grounded in the clear intention to contribute to a human need.

Front: Choices prompted by a desire for reward are costly: they deprive us of the joy in life that comes with actions grounded in the clear intention to [...].
Back: Choices prompted by a desire for reward are costly: they deprive us of the joy in life that comes with actions grounded in the clear intention to contribute to a human need.

Front: [...] is a not a "need" as we define it in NVC; it is one of the countless strategies that may be selected to address a need.
Back: Money is a not a "need" as we define it in NVC; it is one of the countless strategies that may be selected to address a need.

Front: Money is a not a "[...]" as we define it in NVC; it is one of the countless strategies that may be selected to address a need.
Back: Money is a not a "need" as we define it in NVC; it is one of the countless strategies that may be selected to address a need.

Front: Money is a not a "need" as we define it in NVC; it is [...] that may be selected to address a need.
Back: Money is a not a "need" as we define it in NVC; it is one of the countless strategies that may be selected to address a need.

Front: Money is a not a "need" as we define it in NVC; it is one of the countless strategies that [...] to address a need.
Back: Money is a not a "need" as we define it in NVC; it is one of the countless strategies that may be selected to address a need.

Front: Money is a not a "need" as we define it in NVC; it is one of the countless strategies that may be selected to [...].
Back: Money is a not a "need" as we define it in NVC; it is one of the countless strategies that may be selected to address a need.

Front: I find it [...] that we work so hard to buy love and assume that we must deny ourselves and do for others in order to be liked.
Back: I find it tragic that we work so hard to buy love and assume that we must deny ourselves and do for others in order to be liked.

Front: I find it tragic that we [...] to buy love and assume that we must deny ourselves and do for others in order to be liked.
Back: I find it tragic that we work so hard to buy love and assume that we must deny ourselves and do for others in order to be liked.

Front: I find it tragic that we work so hard to [...] and assume that we must deny ourselves and do for others in order to be liked.
Back: I find it tragic that we work so hard to buy love and assume that we must deny ourselves and do for others in order to be liked.

Front: I find it tragic that we work so hard to buy love and [...] that we must deny ourselves and do for others in order to be liked.
Back: I find it tragic that we work so hard to buy love and assume that we must deny ourselves and do for others in order to be liked.

Front: I find it tragic that we work so hard to buy love and assume that we must [...] and do for others in order to be liked.
Back: I find it tragic that we work so hard to buy love and assume that we must deny ourselves and do for others in order to be liked.

Front: I find it tragic that we work so hard to buy love and assume that we must deny ourselves and [...] in order to be liked.
Back: I find it tragic that we work so hard to buy love and assume that we must deny ourselves and do for others in order to be liked.

Front: I find it tragic that we work so hard to buy love and assume that we must deny ourselves and do for others [...].
Back: I find it tragic that we work so hard to buy love and assume that we must deny ourselves and do for others in order to be liked.

Front: In fact, when we do things [...], we will find others appreciating us.
Back: In fact, when we do things solely in the spirit of enhancing life, we will find others appreciating us.

Front: In fact, when we do things solely in the spirit of enhancing life, we will [...]. (external result)
Back: In fact, when we do things solely in the spirit of enhancing life, we will find others appreciating us.

Front: Their [...], however, is only a feedback mechanism confirming that our efforts had the intended effect.
Back: Their appreciation, however, is only a feedback mechanism confirming that our efforts had the intended effect.

Front: Their appreciation, however, is only a [...] confirming that our efforts had the intended effect.
Back: Their appreciation, however, is only a feedback mechanism confirming that our efforts had the intended effect.

Front: Their appreciation, however, is only a feedback mechanism [...] that our efforts had the intended effect.
Back: Their appreciation, however, is only a feedback mechanism confirming that our efforts had the intended effect.

Front: Their appreciation, however, is only a feedback mechanism confirming that [...].
Back: Their appreciation, however, is only a feedback mechanism confirming that our efforts had the intended effect.

Front: The [...] that we have chosen to use our power to serve life and have done so successfully brings us genuine joy of celebrating ourselves in a way that approval from others can never offer.
Back: The recognition that we have chosen to use our power to serve life and have done so successfully brings us genuine joy of celebrating ourselves in a way that approval from others can never offer.

Front: The recognition that we have [...] and have done so successfully brings us genuine joy of celebrating ourselves in a way that approval from others can never offer.
Back: The recognition that we have chosen to use our power to serve life and have done so successfully brings us genuine joy of celebrating ourselves in a way that approval from others can never offer.

Front: The recognition that we have chosen to use our power to serve life and have [...] brings us genuine joy of celebrating ourselves in a way that approval from others can never offer.
Back: The recognition that we have chosen to use our power to serve life and have done so successfully brings us genuine joy of celebrating ourselves in a way that approval from others can never offer.

Front: The recognition that we have chosen to use our power to serve life and have done so successfully brings us [...] of celebrating ourselves in a way that approval from others can never offer.
Back: The recognition that we have chosen to use our power to serve life and have done so successfully brings us genuine joy of celebrating ourselves in a way that approval from others can never offer.

Front: The recognition that we have chosen to use our power to serve life and have done so successfully brings us genuine joy of [...] in a way that approval from others can never offer.
Back: The recognition that we have chosen to use our power to serve life and have done so successfully brings us genuine joy of celebrating ourselves in a way that approval from others can never offer.

Front: The recognition that we have chosen to use our power to serve life and have done so successfully brings us genuine joy of celebrating ourselves in a way that [...] can never offer.
Back: The recognition that we have chosen to use our power to serve life and have done so successfully brings us genuine joy of celebrating ourselves in a way that approval from others can never offer.

Front: The recognition that we have chosen to use our power to serve life and have done so successfully brings us genuine joy of celebrating ourselves in a way that approval from others [...].
Back: The recognition that we have chosen to use our power to serve life and have done so successfully brings us genuine joy of celebrating ourselves in a way that approval from others can never offer.

Front: If we do something [...] the urge to avoid shame, we will generally end up detesting it.
Back: If we do something stimulated soley by the urge to avoid shame, we will generally end up detesting it.

Front: If we do something stimulated soley by the [...], we will generally end up detesting it.
Back: If we do something stimulated soley by the urge to avoid shame, we will generally end up detesting it.

Front: If we do something stimulated soley by the urge to avoid shame, we will generally end up [...].
Back: If we do something stimulated soley by the urge to avoid shame, we will generally end up detesting it.

Front: There is a [...] between doing something for others in order to avoid guilt, and doing it out of a clear awareness of our own need to contribute to the happiness of other human beings.
Back: There is a world of difference between doing something for others in order to avoid guilt, and doing it out of a clear awareness of our own need to contribute to the happiness of other human beings.

Front: There is a world of difference between [...] in order to avoid guilt, and doing it out of a clear awareness of our own need to contribute to the happiness of other human beings.
Back: There is a world of difference between doing something for others in order to avoid guilt, and doing it out of a clear awareness of our own need to contribute to the happiness of other human beings.

Front: There is a world of difference between doing something for others [...], and doing it out of a clear awareness of our own need to contribute to the happiness of other human beings.
Back: There is a world of difference between doing something for others in order to avoid guilt, and doing it out of a clear awareness of our own need to contribute to the happiness of other human beings.

Front: There is a world of difference between doing something for others in order to avoid guilt, and doing it out of a [...] our own need to contribute to the happiness of other human beings.
Back: There is a world of difference between doing something for others in order to avoid guilt, and doing it clear awareness of our own need to contribute to the happiness of other human beings.

Front: There is a world of difference between doing something for others in order to avoid guilt, and doing it out of a clear awareness of [...].
Back: There is a world of difference between doing something for others in order to avoid guilt, and doing it out of a clear awareness of our own need to contribute to the happiness of other human beings.

Front: When we [...] which denies choice, e.g. words such as "should", "have to", "ought", "must", "can't", "supposed to", etc., our behaviors arise out of a vague sense of guilt, duty, or obligation.
Back: When we use language which denies choice, e.g. words such as "should", "have to", "ought", "must", "can't", "supposed to", etc., our behaviors arise out of a vague sense of guilt, duty, or obligation.

Front: When we use language which [...], e.g. words such as "should", "have to", "ought", "must", "can't", "supposed to", etc., our behaviors arise out of a vague sense of guilt, duty, or obligation.
Back: When we use language which denies choice, e.g. words such as "should", "have to", "ought", "must", "can't", "supposed to", etc., our behaviors arise out of a vague sense of guilt, duty, or obligation.

Front: When we use language which denies choice, e.g. words such as "[...]", "have to", "ought", "must", "can't", "supposed to", etc., our behaviors arise out of a vague sense of guilt, duty, or obligation.
Back: When we use language which denies choice, e.g. words such as "should", "have to", "ought", "must", "can't", "supposed to", etc., our behaviors arise out of a vague sense of guilt, duty, or obligation.

Front: When we use language which denies choice, e.g. words such as "should", "[...]", "ought", "must", "can't", "supposed to", etc., our behaviors arise out of a vague sense of guilt, duty, or obligation.
Back: When we use language which denies choice, e.g. words such as "should", "have to", "ought", "must", "can't", "supposed to", etc., our behaviors arise out of a vague sense of guilt, duty, or obligation.

Front: When we use language which denies choice, e.g. words such as "should", "have to", "[...]", "must", "can't", "supposed to", etc., our behaviors arise out of a vague sense of guilt, duty, or obligation.
Back: When we use language which denies choice, e.g. words such as "should", "have to", "ought", "must", "can't", "supposed to", etc., our behaviors arise out of a vague sense of guilt, duty, or obligation.

Front: When we use language which denies choice, e.g. words such as "should", "have to", "ought", "[...]", "can't", "supposed to", etc., our behaviors arise out of a vague sense of guilt, duty, or obligation.
Back: When we use language which denies choice, e.g. words such as "should", "have to", "ought", "must", "can't", "supposed to", etc., our behaviors arise out of a vague sense of guilt, duty, or obligation.

Front: When we use language which denies choice, e.g. words such as "should", "have to", "ought", "must", "[...]", "supposed to", etc., our behaviors arise out of a vague sense of guilt, duty, or obligation.
Back: When we use language which denies choice, e.g. words such as "should", "have to", "ought", "must", "can't", "supposed to", etc., our behaviors arise out of a vague sense of guilt, duty, or obligation.

Front: When we use language which denies choice, e.g. words such as "should", "have to", "ought", "must", "can't", "[...]", etc., our behaviors arise out of a vague sense of guilt, duty, or obligation.
Back: When we use language which denies choice, e.g. words such as "should", "have to", "ought", "must", "can't", "supposed to", etc., our behaviors arise out of a vague sense of guilt, duty, or obligation.

Front: When we use language which denies choice, e.g. words such as "should", "have to", "ought", "must", "can't", "supposed to", etc., our [...] a vague sense of guilt, duty, or obligation.
Back: When we use language which denies choice, e.g. words such as "should", "have to", "ought", "must", "can't", "supposed to", etc., our behaviors arise out of a vague sense of guilt, duty, or obligation.

Front: When we use language which denies choice, e.g. words such as "should", "have to", "ought", "must", "can't", "supposed to", etc., our behaviors arise out of a [...] of guilt, duty, or obligation.
Back: When we use language which denies choice, e.g. words such as "should", "have to", "ought", "must", "can't", "supposed to", etc., our behaviors arise out of a vague sense of guilt, duty, or obligation.

Front: When we use language which denies choice, e.g. words such as "should", "have to", "ought", "must", "can't", "supposed to", etc., our behaviors arise out of a vague sense of [...], duty, or obligation.
Back: When we use language which denies choice, e.g. words such as "should", "have to", "ought", "must", "can't", "supposed to", etc., our behaviors arise out of a vague sense of guilt, duty, or obligation.

Front: When we use language which denies choice, e.g. words such as "should", "have to", "ought", "must", "can't", "supposed to", etc., our behaviors arise out of a vague sense of guilt, [...], or obligation.
Back: When we use language which denies choice, e.g. words such as "should", "have to", "ought", "must", "can't", "supposed to", etc., our behaviors arise out of a vague sense of guilt, duty, or obligation.

Front: When we use language which denies choice, e.g. words such as "should", "have to", "ought", "must", "can't", "supposed to", etc., our behaviors arise out of a vague sense of guilt, duty, or [...].
Back: When we use language which denies choice, e.g. words such as "should", "have to", "ought", "must", "can't", "supposed to", etc., our behaviors arise out of a vague sense of guilt, duty, or obligation.

Front: I consider [...] to be the most socially dangerous and personally unfortunate of all the ways we act when we're cut off from our needs.
Back: I consider language with denies choice to be the most socially dangerous and personally unfortunate of all the ways we act when we're cut off from our needs.

Front: I consider language with denies choice to be the most [...] and personally unfortunate of all the ways we act when we're cut off from our needs.
Back: I consider language with denies choice to be the most socially dangerous and personally unfortunate of all the ways we act when we're cut off from our needs.

Front: I consider language with denies choice to be the most socially dangerous and [...] of all the ways we act when we're cut off from our needs.
Back: I consider language with denies choice to be the most socially dangerous and personally unfortunate of all the ways we act when we're cut off from our needs.

Front: I consider language with denies choice to be the most socially dangerous and personally unfortunate of [...] when we're cut off from our needs.
Back: I consider language with denies choice to be the most socially dangerous and personally unfortunate of all the ways we act when we're cut off from our needs.

Front: I consider language with denies choice to be the most socially dangerous and personally unfortunate of all the ways we act when we're [...].
Back: I consider language with denies choice to be the most socially dangerous and personally unfortunate of all the ways we act when we're cut off from our needs.

Front: When we [...], we forfeit the life in ourselves for a robot-like mentality that disconnects us from our own core.
Back: When we speak a language that denies choice, we forfeit the life in ourselves for a robot-like mentality that disconnects us from our own core.

Front: When we speak a language that denies choice, we [...] for a robot-like mentality that disconnects us from our own core.
Back: When we speak a language that denies choice, we forfeit the life in ourselves for a robot-like mentality that disconnects us from our own core.

Front: When we speak a language that denies choice, we forfeit the life in ourselves for a [...] that disconnects us from our own core.
Back: When we speak a language that denies choice, we forfeit the life in ourselves for a robot-like mentality that disconnects us from our own core.

Front: When we speak a language that denies choice, we forfeit the life in ourselves for a robot-like mentality that [...] us from our own core.
Back: When we speak a language that denies choice, we forfeit the life in ourselves for a robot-like mentality that disconnects us from our own core.

Front: When we speak a language that denies choice, we forfeit the life in ourselves for a robot-like mentality that disconnects us from [...].
Back: When we speak a language that denies choice, we forfeit the life in ourselves for a robot-like mentality that disconnects us from our own core.

Front: As [...] as it may seem, it is possible to do things only out of play.
Back: As radical as it may seem, it is possible to do things only out of play.

Front: As radical as it may seem, it is [...] to do things only out of play.
Back: As radical as it may seem, it is possible to do things only out of play.

Front: As radical as it may seem, it is possible to do things only out of [...].
Back: As radical as it may seem, it is possible to do things only out of play.

Front: I believe that [...] that we engage moment by moment in the playfulness of enriching life--motivated solely by the desire for its enrichment--[...] we are are being compassionate with ourselves.
Back: I believe that to the degree that we engage moment by moment in the playfulness of enriching life--motivated solely by the desire for its enrichment--to that degree we are are being compassionate with ourselves.

Front: I believe that to the degree that we [...] in the playfulness of enriching life--motivated solely by the desire for its enrichment--to that degree we are are being compassionate with ourselves.
Back: I believe that to the degree that we engage moment by moment in the playfulness of enriching life--motivated solely by the desire for its enrichment--to that degree we are are being compassionate with ourselves.

Front: I believe that to the degree that we engage moment by moment in [...]--motivated solely by the desire for its enrichment--to that degree we are are being compassionate with ourselves.
Back: I believe that to the degree that we engage moment by moment in the playfulness of enriching life--motivated solely by the desire for its enrichment--to that degree we are are being compassionate with ourselves.

Front: I believe that to the degree that we engage moment by moment in the playfulness of enriching life--motivated [...]--to that degree we are are being compassionate with ourselves.
Back: I believe that to the degree that we engage moment by moment in the playfulness of enriching life--motivated solely by the desire for its enrichment--to that degree we are are being compassionate with ourselves.

Front: I believe that to the degree that we engage moment by moment in the playfulness of enriching life--motivated solely by the desire for its enrichment--to that degree we are are being [...].
Back: I believe that to the degree that we engage moment by moment in the playfulness of enriching life--motivated solely by the desire for its enrichment--to that degree we are are being compassionate with ourselves.

Front: The [...] application of NVC may be in the way we treat ourselves.
Back: The most crucial application of NVC may be in the way we treat ourselves.

Front: The most crucial [...] may be in the way we treat ourselves.
Back: The most crucial application of NVC may be in the way we treat ourselves.

Front: The most crucial application of NVC may be in [...].
Back: The most crucial application of NVC may be in the way we treat ourselves.

Front: When we [...], we can use the process of NVC mourning and self-forgiveness to show us where we can grow intsead of getting caught up in moralistic self-judgments.
Back: When we make mistakes, we can use the process of NVC mourning and self-forgiveness to show us where we can grow intsead of getting caught up in moralistic self-judgments.

Front: When we make mistakes, we can use the process of NVC [...] and self-forgiveness to show us where we can grow instead of getting caught up in moralistic self-judgments.
Back: When we make mistakes, we can use the process of NVC mourning and self-forgiveness to show us where we can grow instead of getting caught up in moralistic self-judgments.

Front: When we make mistakes, we can use the process of NVC mourning and [...] to show us where we can grow intsead of getting caught up in moralistic self-judgments.
Back: When we make mistakes, we can use the process of NVC mourning and self-forgiveness to show us where we can grow intsead of getting caught up in moralistic self-judgments.

Front: When we make mistakes, we can use the process of NVC mourning and self-forgiveness to [...] instead of getting caught up in moralistic self-judgments.
Back: When we make mistakes, we can use the process of NVC mourning and self-forgiveness to show us where we can grow instead of getting caught up in moralistic self-judgments.

Front: When we make mistakes, we can use the process of NVC mourning and self-forgiveness to show us where we can grow instead of [...] moralistic self-judgments.
Back: When we make mistakes, we can use the process of NVC mourning and self-forgiveness to show us where we can grow instead of getting caught up in moralistic self-judgments.

Front: When we make mistakes, we can use the process of NVC mourning and self-forgiveness to show us where we can grow instead of getting caught up in [...].
Back: When we make mistakes, we can use the process of NVC mourning and self-forgiveness to show us where we can grow instead of getting caught up in moralistic self-judgments.

Front: By [...] in terms of our own unmet needs, the impetus for change comes not out of shame, guilt, anger, or depression, but out of the genuine desire to contribute to our own and others' well-being.
Back: By assessing our behaviors in terms of our own unmet needs, the impetus for change comes not out of shame, guilt, anger, or depression, but out of the genuine desire to contribute to our own and others' well-being.

Front: By assessing our behaviors in terms of [...], the impetus for change comes not out of shame, guilt, anger, or depression, but out of the genuine desire to contribute to our own and others' well-being.
Back: By assessing our behaviors in terms of our own unmet needs, the impetus for change comes not out of shame, guilt, anger, or depression, but out of the genuine desire to contribute to our own and others' well-being.

Front: By assessing our behaviors in terms of our own unmet needs, the [...] comes not out of shame, guilt, anger, or depression, but out of the genuine desire to contribute to our own and others' well-being.
Back: By assessing our behaviors in terms of our own unmet needs, the impetus for change comes not out of shame, guilt, anger, or depression, but out of the genuine desire to contribute to our own and others' well-being.

Front: By assessing our behaviors in terms of our own unmet needs, the impetus for change comes not out of [...], guilt, anger, or depression, but out of the genuine desire to contribute to our own and others' well-being.
Back: By assessing our behaviors in terms of our own unmet needs, the impetus for change comes not out of shame, guilt, anger, or depression, but out of the genuine desire to contribute to our own and others' well-being.

Front: By assessing our behaviors in terms of our own unmet needs, the impetus for change comes not out of shame, [...], anger, or depression, but out of the genuine desire to contribute to our own and others' well-being.
Back: By assessing our behaviors in terms of our own unmet needs, the impetus for change comes not out of shame, guilt, anger, or depression, but out of the genuine desire to contribute to our own and others' well-being.

Front: By assessing our behaviors in terms of our own unmet needs, the impetus for change comes not out of shame, guilt, [...] (not fear), or depression, but out of the genuine desire to contribute to our own and others' well-being.
Back: By assessing our behaviors in terms of our own unmet needs, the impetus for change comes not out of shame, guilt, anger, or depression, but out of the genuine desire to contribute to our own and others' well-being.

Front: By assessing our behaviors in terms of our own unmet needs, the impetus for change comes not out of shame, guilt, anger, or [...], but out of the genuine desire to contribute to our own and others' well-being.
Back: By assessing our behaviors in terms of our own unmet needs, the impetus for change comes not out of shame, guilt, anger, or depression, but out of the genuine desire to contribute to our own and others' well-being.

Front: By assessing our behaviors in terms of our own unmet needs, the impetus for change comes not out of shame, guilt, anger, or depression, but out of the [...] to contribute to our own and others' well-being.
Back: By assessing our behaviors in terms of our own unmet needs, the impetus for change comes not out of shame, guilt, anger, or depression, but out of the genuine desire to contribute to our own and others' well-being.

Front: By assessing our behaviors in terms of our own unmet needs, the impetus for change comes not out of shame, guilt, anger, or depression, but out of the genuine desire to [...] our own and others' well-being.
Back: By assessing our behaviors in terms of our own unmet needs, the impetus for change comes not out of shame, guilt, anger, or depression, but out of the genuine desire to contribute to our own and others' well-being.

Front: By assessing our behaviors in terms of our own unmet needs, the impetus for change comes not out of shame, guilt, anger, or depression, but out of the genuine desire to contribute to [...] and others' well-being.
Back: By assessing our behaviors in terms of our own unmet needs, the impetus for change comes not out of shame, guilt, anger, or depression, but out of the genuine desire to contribute to our own and others' well-being.

Front: By assessing our behaviors in terms of our own unmet needs, the impetus for change comes not out of shame, guilt, anger, or depression, but out of the genuine desire to contribute to our own and [...] well-being.
Back: By assessing our behaviors in terms of our own unmet needs, the impetus for change comes not out of shame, guilt, anger, or depression, but out of the genuine desire to contribute to our own and others' well-being.

Front: By assessing our behaviors in terms of our own unmet needs, the impetus for change comes not out of shame, guilt, anger, or depression, but out of the genuine desire to contribute to our own and others' [...].
Back: By assessing our behaviors in terms of our own unmet needs, the impetus for change comes not out of shame, guilt, anger, or depression, but out of the genuine desire to contribute to our own and others' well-being.

Front: We cultivate [...] by consciously choosing in daily life to act only in service to our own needs and values rather than out of duty, for extrinsic rewards, or to avoid guilt, shame, and punishment.
Back: We cultivate self-compassion by consciously choosing in daily life to act only in service to our own needs and values rather than out of duty, for extrinsic rewards, or to avoid guilt, shame, and punishment.

Front: We cultivate self-compassion by [...] in daily life to act only in service to our own needs and values rather than out of duty, for extrinsic rewards, or to avoid guilt, shame, and punishment.
Back: We cultivate self-compassion by consciously choosing in daily life to act only in service to our own needs and values rather than out of duty, for extrinsic rewards, or to avoid guilt, shame, and punishment.

Front: We cultivate self-compassion by consciously choosing in [...] to act only in service to our own needs and values rather than out of duty, for extrinsic rewards, or to avoid guilt, shame, and punishment.
Back: We cultivate self-compassion by consciously choosing in daily life to act only in service to our own needs and values rather than out of duty, for extrinsic rewards, or to avoid guilt, shame, and punishment.

Front: We cultivate self-compassion by consciously choosing in daily life to [...] only in service to our own needs and values rather than out of duty, for extrinsic rewards, or to avoid guilt, shame, and punishment.
Back: We cultivate self-compassion by consciously choosing in daily life to act only in service to our own needs and values rather than out of duty, for extrinsic rewards, or to avoid guilt, shame, and punishment.

Front: We cultivate self-compassion by consciously choosing in daily life to act [...] rather than out of duty, for extrinsic rewards, or to avoid guilt, shame, and punishment.
Back: We cultivate self-compassion by consciously choosing in daily life to act only in service to our own needs and values rather than out of duty, for extrinsic rewards, or to avoid guilt, shame, and punishment.

Front: We cultivate self-compassion by consciously choosing in daily life to act only in service to our own needs and values rather than [...], for extrinsic rewards, or to avoid guilt, shame, and punishment.
Back: We cultivate self-compassion by consciously choosing in daily life to act only in service to our own needs and values rather than out of duty, for extrinsic rewards, or to avoid guilt, shame, and punishment.

Front: We cultivate self-compassion by consciously choosing in daily life to act only in service to our own needs and values rather than out of duty, for [...], or to avoid guilt, shame, and punishment.
Back: We cultivate self-compassion by consciously choosing in daily life to act only in service to our own needs and values rather than out of duty, for extrinsic rewards, or to avoid guilt, shame, and punishment.

Front: We cultivate self-compassion by consciously choosing in daily life to act only in service to our own needs and values rather than out of duty, for extrinsic rewards, or to avoid [...], shame, and punishment.
Back: We cultivate self-compassion by consciously choosing in daily life to act only in service to our own needs and values rather than out of duty, for extrinsic rewards, or to avoid guilt, shame, and punishment.

Front: We cultivate self-compassion by consciously choosing in daily life to act only in service to our own needs and values rather than out of duty, for extrinsic rewards, or to avoid guilt, [...], and punishment.
Back: We cultivate self-compassion by consciously choosing in daily life to act only in service to our own needs and values rather than out of duty, for extrinsic rewards, or to avoid guilt, shame, and punishment.

Front: We cultivate self-compassion by consciously choosing in daily life to act only in service to our own needs and values rather than out of duty, for extrinsic rewards, or to avoid guilt, shame, and [...].
Back: We cultivate self-compassion by consciously choosing in daily life to act only in service to our own needs and values rather than out of duty, for extrinsic rewards, or to avoid guilt, shame, and punishment.

Front: If we [...] the joyless acts to which we currently subject ourselves and make the transition from "have to" to "choose to", we will discover more play and integrity in our lives.
Back: If we review the joyless acts to which we currently subject ourselves and make the transition from "have to" to "choose to", we will discover more play and integrity in our lives.

Front: If we review the [...] to which we currently subject ourselves and make the transition from "have to" to "choose to", we will discover more play and integrity in our lives.
Back: If we review the joyless acts to which we currently subject ourselves and make the transition from "have to" to "choose to", we will discover more play and integrity in our lives.

Front: If we review the joyless acts to which we [...] and make the transition from "have to" to "choose to", we will discover more play and integrity in our lives.
Back: If we review the joyless acts to which we currently subject ourselves and make the transition from "have to" to "choose to", we will discover more play and integrity in our lives.

Front: If we review the joyless acts to which we currently subject ourselves and [...] from "have to" to "choose to", we will discover more play and integrity in our lives.
Back: If we review the joyless acts to which we currently subject ourselves and make the transition from "have to" to "choose to", we will discover more play and integrity in our lives.

Front: If we review the joyless acts to which we currently subject ourselves and make the transition from "[...]" to "choose to", we will discover more play and integrity in our lives.
Back: If we review the joyless acts to which we currently subject ourselves and make the transition from "have to" to "choose to", we will discover more play and integrity in our lives.

Front: If we review the joyless acts to which we currently subject ourselves and make the transition from "have to" to "[...]", we will discover more play and integrity in our lives.
Back: If we review the joyless acts to which we currently subject ourselves and make the transition from "have to" to "choose to", we will discover more play and integrity in our lives.

Front: If we review the joyless acts to which we currently subject ourselves and make the transition from "have to" to "choose to", we will [...] more play and integrity in our lives.
Back: If we review the joyless acts to which we currently subject ourselves and make the transition from "have to" to "choose to", we will discover more play and integrity in our lives.

Front: If we review the joyless acts to which we currently subject ourselves and make the transition from "have to" to "choose to", we will discover more [...] and integrity in our lives.
Back: If we review the joyless acts to which we currently subject ourselves and make the transition from "have to" to "choose to", we will discover more play and integrity in our lives.

Front: If we review the joyless acts to which we currently subject ourselves and make the transition from "have to" to "choose to", we will discover more play and [...] in our lives.
Back: If we review the joyless acts to which we currently subject ourselves and make the transition from "have to" to "choose to", we will discover more play and integrity in our lives.

Front: [...] is too superficial.
Back: Killing people is too superficial.

Front: Killing people is too [...].
Back: Killing people is too superficial.

Front: We are never [...] because of what others say or do.
Back: We are never angry because of what others say or do.

Front: We are never angry [...] what others say or do.
Back: We are never angry because of what others say or do.

Front: We are never angry because of [...].
Back: We are never angry because of what others say or do.

Front: To [...], mix up stimulus and cause.
Back: To motivate by guilt, mix up stimulus and cause.

Front: To motivate by guilt, [...] stimulus and cause.
Back: To motivate by guilt, mix up stimulus and cause.

Front: To motivate by guilt, mix up [...] and cause.
Back: To motivate by guilt, mix up stimulus and cause.

Front: To motivate by guilt, mix up stimulus and [...].
Back: To motivate by guilt, mix up stimulus and cause.

Front: The [...] lies in our thinking--in thoughts of blame and judgment.
Back: The cause of anger lies in our thinking--in thoughts of blame and judgment.

Front: The cause of anger lies in [...]--in thoughts of blame and judgment.
Back: The cause of anger lies in our thinking--in thoughts of blame and judgment.

Front: The cause of anger lies in our thinking--in thoughts of [...] and judgment.
Back: The cause of anger lies in our thinking--in thoughts of blame and judgment.

Front: The cause of anger lies in our thinking--in thoughts of blame and [...].
Back: The cause of anger lies in our thinking--in thoughts of blame and judgment.

Front: When we [...], we contribute to violence.
Back: When we judge others, we contribute to violence.

Front: When we judge others, we [...] to violence.
Back: When we judge others, we contribute to violence.

Front: When we judge others, we contribute to [...].
Back: When we judge others, we contribute to violence.

Front: Use [...] as a wake-up call.
Back: Use anger as a wake-up call.

Front: Use anger as a [...].
Back: Use anger as a wake-up call.

Front: [...] (emotion) co-opts our energy by diverting it toward punitive actions.
Back: Anger co-opts our energy by diverting it toward punitive actions.

Front: Anger [...] by diverting it toward punitive actions.
Back: Anger co-opts our energy by diverting it toward punitive actions.

Front: Anger co-opts our energy by [...] toward punitive actions.
Back: Anger co-opts our energy by diverting it toward punitive actions.

Front: Anger co-opts our energy by diverting it toward [...].
Back: Anger co-opts our energy by diverting it toward punitive actions.

Front: When we [...], anger gives way to life-serving feelings.
Back: When we become aware of our needs, anger gives way to life-serving feelings.

Front: When we become aware of our needs, [...] gives way to life-serving feelings.
Back: When we become aware of our needs, anger gives way to life-serving feelings.

Front: When we become aware of our needs, anger [...] to life-serving feelings.
Back: When we become aware of our needs, anger gives way to life-serving feelings.

Front: When we become aware of our needs, anger gives way to [...].
Back: When we become aware of our needs, anger gives way to life-serving feelings.

Front: [...] comes from the belief that other people cause our pain and therefore deserve punishment.
Back: Violence comes from the belief that other people cause our pain and therefore deserve punishment.

Front: Violence comes from [...] other people cause our pain and therefore deserve punishment.
Back: Violence comes from the belief that other people cause our pain and therefore deserve punishment.

Front: Violence comes from the belief that [...] and therefore deserve punishment.
Back: Violence comes from the belief that other people cause our pain and therefore deserve punishment.

Front: Violence comes from the belief that other people cause our pain and therefore [...].
Back: Violence comes from the belief that other people cause our pain and therefore deserve punishment.

Front: [...] contribute to self-fulfilling prophecies.
Back: Judgments of others contribute to self-fulfilling prophecies.

Front: Judgments of others [...] self-fulfilling prophecies.
Back: Judgments of others contribute to self-fulfilling prophecies.

Front: Judgments of others contribute to [...]. (not anger or violence)
Back: Judgments of others contribute to self-fulfilling prophecies.

Front: [...]:
1. Stop. Breathe.
2. Identify our judgmental thoughts.
3. Connect with our needs.
4. Express our feelings and unmet needs.
Back: Steps to express anger:
1. Stop. Breathe.
2. Identify our judgmental thoughts.
3. Connect with our needs.
4. Express our feelings and unmet needs.

Front: Steps to express anger:
1. [...]
2. Identify our judgmental thoughts.
3. Connect with our needs.
4. Express our feelings and unmet needs.
Back: Steps to express anger:
1. Stop. Breathe.
2. Identify our judgmental thoughts.
3. Connect with our needs.
4. Express our feelings and unmet needs.

Front: Steps to express anger:
1. Stop. Breathe.
2. [...]
3. Connect with our needs.
4. Express our feelings and unmet needs.
Back: Steps to express anger:
1. Stop. Breathe.
2. Identify our judgmental thoughts.
3. Connect with our needs.
4. Express our feelings and unmet needs.

Front: Steps to express anger:
1. Stop. Breathe.
2. Identify our judgmental thoughts.
3. [...]
4. Express our feelings and unmet needs.
Back: Steps to express anger:
1. Stop. Breathe.
2. Identify our judgmental thoughts.
3. Connect with our needs.
4. Express our feelings and unmet needs.

Front: Steps to express anger:
1. Stop. Breathe.
2. Identify our judgmental thoughts.
3. Connect with our needs.
4. [...]
Back: Steps to express anger:
1. Stop. Breathe.
2. Identify our judgmental thoughts.
3. Connect with our needs.
4. Express our feelings and unmet needs.

Front: The more we [...], the more they'll hear us.
Back: The more we hear them, the more they'll hear us.

Front: The more hear them, the more they'll [...].
Back: The more hear them, the more they'll hear us.

Front: [...] of the violent thoughts that arise in our minds without judging them.
Back: Stay conscious of the violent thoughts that arise in our minds without judging them.

Front: Stay conscious of the [...] that arise in our minds without judging them.
Back: Stay conscious of the violent thoughts that arise in our minds without judging them.

Front: Stay conscious of the violent thoughts that arise in our minds without [...].
Back: Stay conscious of the violent thoughts that arise in our minds without judging them.

Front: When we [...], we recognize our common humanity.
Back: When we hear the other person's feelings and needs, we recognize our common humanity.

Front: When we hear the other person's feelings and needs, we [...] our common humanity.
Back: When we hear the other person's feelings and needs, we recognize our common humanity.

Front: When we hear the other person's feelings and needs, we recognize our [...].
Back: When we hear the other person's feelings and needs, we recognize our common humanity.

Front: Our [...] is for the other person to truly hear our pain.
Back: Our need is for the other person to truly hear our pain.

Front: Our need is for the other person to [...] our pain.
Back: Our need is for the other person to truly hear our pain.

Front: Our need is for the other person to truly hear our [...].
Back: Our need is for the other person to truly hear our pain.

Front: People do not [...] when they believe they are at fault.
Back: People do not hear our pain when they believe they are at fault.

Front: People do not hear our pain when they believe [...].
Back: People do not hear our pain when they believe they are at fault.

Front: [...] translating each judgment into an unmet need.
Back: Practice translating each judgment into an unmet need.

Front: Practice [...] each judgment into an unmet need.
Back: Practice translating each judgment into an unmet need.

Front: Practice translating [...] into an unmet need.
Back: Practice translating each judgment into an unmet need.

Front: Practice translating each judgment into [...].
Back: Practice translating each judgment into an unmet need.

Front: The process we are describing, however, does not encourage us to [...], squash, or swallow anger, but rather to express the core of our anger fully and wholeheartedly.
Back: The process we are describing, however, does not encourage us to ignore, squash, or swallow anger, but rather to express the core of our anger fully and wholeheartedly.

Front: The process we are describing, however, does not encourage us to ignore, [...], or swallow anger, but rather to express the core of our anger fully and wholeheartedly.
Back: The process we are describing, however, does not encourage us to ignore, squash, or swallow anger, but rather to express the core of our anger fully and wholeheartedly.

Front: The process we are describing, however, does not encourage us to ignore, squash, or [...] anger, but rather to express the core of our anger fully and wholeheartedly.
Back: The process we are describing, however, does not encourage us to ignore, squash, or swallow anger, but rather to express the core of our anger fully and wholeheartedly.

Front: The process we are describing, however, does not encourage us to ignore, squash, or swallow [...], but rather to express the core of our anger fully and wholeheartedly.
Back: The process we are describing, however, does not encourage us to ignore, squash, or swallow anger, but rather to express the core of our anger fully and wholeheartedly.

Front: The process we are describing, however, does not encourage us to ignore, squash, or swallow anger, but rather to [...] fully and wholeheartedly.
Back: The process we are describing, however, does not encourage us to ignore, squash, or swallow anger, but rather to express the core of our anger fully and wholeheartedly.

Front: The process we are describing, however, does not encourage us to ignore, squash, or swallow anger, but rather to express the core of our anger [...] and wholeheartedly.
Back: The process we are describing, however, does not encourage us to ignore, squash, or swallow anger, but rather to express the core of our anger fully and wholeheartedly.

Front: The process we are describing, however, does not encourage us to ignore, squash, or swallow anger, but rather to express the core of our anger fully and [...].
Back: The process we are describing, however, does not encourage us to ignore, squash, or swallow anger, but rather to express the core of our anger fully and wholeheartedly.

Front: The [...] to fully expressing anger in NVC is to divorce the other person from any responsibility for our anger.
Back: The first step to fully expressing anger in NVC is to divorce the other person from any responsibility for our anger.

Front: The first step to [...] in NVC is to divorce the other person from any responsibility for our anger.
Back: The first step to fully expressing anger in NVC is to divorce the other person from any responsibility for our anger.

Front: The first step to fully expressing anger in NVC is to [...] from any responsibility for our anger.
Back: The first step to fully expressing anger in NVC is to divorce the other person from any responsibility for our anger.

Front: The first step to fully expressing anger in NVC is to divorce the other person from [...] for our anger.
Back: The first step to fully expressing anger in NVC is to divorce the other person from any responsibility for our anger.

Front: The first step to fully expressing anger in NVC is to divorce the other person from any responsibility for [...].
Back: The first step to fully expressing anger in NVC is to divorce the other person from any responsibility for our anger.

Front: We [...] of thoughts such as, "He, she, or they made me angry when they did that."
Back: We rid ourselves of thoughts such as, "He, she, or they made me angry when they did that."

Front: We rid ourselves of thoughts such as, "He, she, or they [...] when they did that."
Back: We rid ourselves of thoughts such as, "He, she, or they made me angry when they did that."

Front: Where [...] is a tactic of manipulation and coercion, it is useful to confuse stimulus and cause.
Back: Where guilt is a tactic of manipulation and coercion, it is useful to confuse stimulus and cause.

Front: Where guilt is a [...], it is useful to confuse stimulus and cause.
Back: Where guilt is a tactic of manipulation and coercion, it is useful to confuse stimulus and cause.

Front: Where guilt is a tactic of manipulation and coercion, it is [...] to confuse stimulus and cause.
Back: Where guilt is a tactic of manipulation and coercion, it is useful to confuse stimulus and cause.

Front: Where guilt is a tactic of manipulation and coercion, it is useful to [...].
Back: Where guilt is a tactic of manipulation and coercion, it is useful to confuse stimulus and cause.

Front: classify: "It hurts Mommy and Daddy when you get poor grades."
Back: confusing stimulus and cause

Front: classify: "It really disappoints me when you're not here for my birthday."
Back: confusing stimulus and cause

Front: classify: "You make me angry."
Back: confusing stimulus and cause

Front: classify: "You hurt me by doing that."
Back: confusing stimulus and cause

Front: classify: "I feel sad because you did that."
Back: confusing stimulus and cause

Front: Rather than [...] to make a mental analysis of wrongness regarding somebody, we choose to connect to the life that is within us.
Back: Rather than going up to our head to make a mental analysis of wrongness regarding somebody, we choose to connect to the life that is within us.

Front: Rather than going up to our head to make a [...] of wrongness regarding somebody, we choose to connect to the life that is within us.
Back: Rather than going up to our head to make a mental analysis of wrongness regarding somebody, we choose to connect to the life that is within us.

Front: Rather than going up to our head to make a mental analysis of [...] regarding somebody, we choose to connect to the life that is within us.
Back: Rather than going up to our head to make a mental analysis of wrongness regarding somebody, we choose to connect to the life that is within us.

Front: Rather than going up to our head to make a mental analysis of wrongness regarding somebody, we choose to [...].
Back: Rather than going up to our head to make a mental analysis of wrongness regarding somebody, we choose to connect to the life that is within us.

Front: If someone arrives late for an appointment and we need [...], we may feel hurt.
Back: If someone arrives late for an appointment and we need reassurance that she cares about us, we may feel hurt.

Front: If someone arrives late for an appointment and we need reassurance that she cares about us, we may feel [...].
Back: If someone arrives late for an appointment and we need reassurance that she cares about us, we may feel hurt.

Front: If someone arrives late for an appointment and our need is to [...], we may feel frustrated.
Back: If someone arrives late for an appointment and our need is to spend time purposefully and constructively, we may feel frustrated.

Front: If someone arrives late for an appointment and our need is to spend time purposefully and constructively, we may feel [...].
Back: If someone arrives late for an appointment and our need is to spend time purposefully and constructively, we may feel frustrated.

Front: If someone arrives late for an appointment and our need is for [...], we may be grateful for her tardiness and feel pleased.
Back: If someone arrives late for an appointment and our need is for thirty minutes of quiet solitude, we may be grateful for her tardiness and feel pleased.

Front: If someone arrives late for an appointment and our need is for thirty minutes of quiet solitude, we may be [...] and feel pleased.
Back: If someone arrives late for an appointment and our need is for thirty minutes of quiet solitude, we may be grateful for her tardiness and feel pleased.

Front: If someone arrives late for an appointment and our need is for thirty minutes of quiet solitude, we may be grateful for her tardiness and feel [...].
Back: If someone arrives late for an appointment and our need is for thirty minutes of quiet solitude, we may be grateful for her tardiness and feel pleased.

Front: [...] is a result of life-alienating thinking that is disconnected from needs.
Back: Anger is a result of life-alienating thinking that is disconnected from needs.

Front: Anger is a result of [...] that is disconnected from needs.
Back: Anger is a result of life-alienating thinking that is disconnected from needs.

Front: Anger is a result of life-alienating thinking that is [...].
Back: Anger is a result of life-alienating thinking that is disconnected from needs.

Front: In addition to the third option of [...], the choice is ours at any moment to shine the light of consciousness on the other person's feelings and needs.
Back: In addition to the third option of focusing on our own needs and feelings, the choice is ours at any moment to shine the light of consciousness on the other person's feelings and needs.

Front: In addition to the third option of focusing on our own needs and feelings, the [...] at any moment to shine the light of consciousness on the other person's feelings and needs.
Back: In addition to the third option of focusing on our own needs and feelings, the choice is ours at any moment to shine the light of consciousness on the other person's feelings and needs.

Front: In addition to the third option of focusing on our own needs and feelings, the choice is ours at [...] to shine the light of consciousness on the other person's feelings and needs.
Back: In addition to the third option of focusing on our own needs and feelings, the choice is ours at any moment to shine the light of consciousness on the other person's feelings and needs.

Front: In addition to the third option of focusing on our own needs and feelings, the choice is ours at any moment to [...] on the other person's feelings and needs.
Back: In addition to the third option of focusing on our own needs and feelings, the choice is ours at any moment to shine the light of consciousness on the other person's feelings and needs.

Front: In addition to the third option of focusing on our own needs and feelings, the choice is ours at any moment to shine the light of consciousness on the [...].
Back: In addition to the third option of focusing on our own needs and feelings, the choice is ours at any moment to shine the light of consciousness on the other person's feelings and needs.

Front: [...] is simply absent in each moment that we are fully present with the other person's feelings and needs.
Back: Anger is simply absent in each moment that we are fully present with the other person's feelings and needs.

Front: Anger is [...] in each moment that we are fully present with the other person's feelings and needs.
Back: Anger is simply absent in each moment that we are fully present with the other person's feelings and needs.

Front: Anger is simply absent in [...] that we are fully present with the other person's feelings and needs.
Back: Anger is simply absent in each moment that we are fully present with the other person's feelings and needs.

Front: Anger is simply absent in each moment that we are [...] with the other person's feelings and needs.
Back: Anger is simply absent in each moment that we are fully present with the other person's feelings and needs.

Front: Anger is simply absent in each moment that we are fully present with the other person's [...].
Back: Anger is simply absent in each moment that we are fully present with the other person's feelings and needs.

Front: I see all [...] as a result of life-alienating, violence-provocative thinking.
Back: I see all anger as a result of life-alienating, violence-provocative thinking.

Front: I see all anger as a [...] life-alienating, violence-provocative thinking.
Back: I see all anger as a result of life-alienating, violence-provocative thinking.

Front: I see all anger as a result of [...], violence-provocative thinking.
Back: I see all anger as a result of life-alienating, violence-provocative thinking.

Front: I see all anger as a result of life-alienating, [...] thinking.
Back: I see all anger as a result of life-alienating, violence-provocative thinking.

Front: I see all anger as a result of life-alienating, violence-provocative [...].
Back: I see all anger as a result of life-alienating, violence-provocative thinking.

Front: [...] can be valuable if we use it as an alarm clock to wake us up--to realize we have a need that isn't being met and that we are thinking in a way that makes it unlikely to be met.
Back: Anger can be valuable if we use it as an alarm clock to wake us up--to realize we have a need that isn't being met and that we are thinking in a way that makes it unlikely to be met.

Front: Anger can be [...] if we use it as an alarm clock to wake us up--to realize we have a need that isn't being met and that we are thinking in a way that makes it unlikely to be met.
Back: Anger can be valuable if we use it as an alarm clock to wake us up--to realize we have a need that isn't being met and that we are thinking in a way that makes it unlikely to be met.

Front: Anger can be valuable if we use it as [...] to wake us up--to realize we have a need that isn't being met and that we are thinking in a way that makes it unlikely to be met.
Back: Anger can be valuable if we use it as an alarm clock to wake us up--to realize we have a need that isn't being met and that we are thinking in a way that makes it unlikely to be met.

Front: Anger can be valuable if we use it as an alarm clock to [...]--to realize we have a need that isn't being met and that we are thinking in a way that makes it unlikely to be met.
Back: Anger can be valuable if we use it as an alarm clock to wake us up--to realize we have a need that isn't being met and that we are thinking in a way that makes it unlikely to be met.

Front: Anger can be valuable if we use it as an alarm clock to wake us up--to realize we have [...] and that we are thinking in a way that makes it unlikely to be met.
Back: Anger can be valuable if we use it as an alarm clock to wake us up--to realize we have a need that isn't being met and that we are thinking in a way that makes it unlikely to be met.

Front: Anger can be valuable if we use it as an alarm clock to wake us up--to realize we have a need that isn't being met and that we are [...] that makes it unlikely to be met.
Back: Anger can be valuable if we use it as an alarm clock to wake us up--to realize we have a need that isn't being met and that we are thinking in a way that makes it unlikely to be met.

Front: Anger can be valuable if we use it as an alarm clock to wake us up--to realize we have a need that isn't being met and that we are thinking in a way that makes it [...].
Back: Anger can be valuable if we use it as an alarm clock to wake us up--to realize we have a need that isn't being met and that we are thinking in a way that makes it unlikely to be met.

Front: Instead of engaging in "[...]", I recommend connecting empathically with our own needs or those of others.
Back: Instead of engaging in "righteous indignation", I recommend connecting empathically with our own needs or those of others.

Front: Instead of engaging in "righteous indignation", I recommend [...] with our own needs or those of others.
Back: Instead of engaging in "righteous indignation", I recommend connecting empathically with our own needs or those of others.

Front: Instead of engaging in "righteous indignation", I recommend connecting empathically with [...] or those of others.
Back: Instead of engaging in "righteous indignation", I recommend connecting empathically with our own needs or those of others.

Front: Instead of engaging in "righteous indignation", I recommend connecting empathically with our own needs or [...].
Back: Instead of engaging in "righteous indignation", I recommend connecting empathically with our own needs or those of others.

Front: convert: "I am angry because they ..."
Back: "I am angry because I am needing ..."

Front: John: Three weeks ago I made a request to the prison officials and they still haven't responded to my request.
MBR: [...]
Back: John: Three weeks ago I made a request to the prison officials and they still haven't responded to my request.
MBR: So when this happened, you felt angry because what?

Front: John: Three weeks ago I made a request to the prison officials and they still haven't responded to my request.
MBR: So when this happened, you felt angry because what?
John: I just told you. They didn't respond to my request.
MBR: [...]
Back: John: Three weeks ago I made a request to the prison officials and they still haven't responded to my request.
MBR: So when this happened, you felt angry because what?
John: I just told you. They didn't respond to my request.
MBR: Hold it. Instead of saying, "I felt angry because they…," stop and become conscious of what you're telling yourself that's making you so angry.

Front: John: I just told you. They didn't respond to my request.
MBR: Hold it. Instead of saying, "I felt angry because they…," stop and become conscious of what you're telling yourself that's making you so angry.
John: I'm not telling myself anything.
MBR: [...]
Back: John: I just told you. They didn't respond to my request.
MBR: Hold it. Instead of saying, "I felt angry because they…," stop and become conscious of what you're telling yourself that's making you so angry.
John: I'm not telling myself anything.
MBR: Stop, slow down, just listen to what's going on inside.

Front: John: I'm not telling myself anything.
MBR: Stop, slow down, just listen to what's going on inside.
John: I'm telling myself that they have no respect for human beings; they are a bunch of cold, faceless bureaucrats who don't give a damn about anybody but themselves! They're a real bunch of …
MBR: [...]
Back: John: I'm not telling myself anything.
MBR: Stop, slow down, just listen to what's going on inside.
John: I'm telling myself that they have no respect for human beings; they are a bunch of cold, faceless bureaucrats who don't give a damn about anybody but themselves! They're a real bunch of …
MBR: Thanks, that's enough. Now you know why you're angry--it's that kind of thinking.

Front: John: I'm telling myself that they have no respect for human beings; they are a bunch of cold, faceless bureaucrats who don't give a damn about anybody but themselves! They're a real bunch of …
MBR: Thanks, that's enough. Now you know why you're angry--it's that kind of thinking.
John: But what's wrong with thinking that way?
MBR: [...]
Back: John: I'm telling myself that they have no respect for human beings; they are a bunch of cold, faceless bureaucrats who don't give a damn about anybody but themselves! They're a real bunch of …
MBR: Thanks, that's enough. Now you know why you're angry--it's that kind of thinking.
John: But what's wrong with thinking that way?
MBR: I'm not saying there's anything wrong with thinking that way. Notice if I say there is something wrong with you for thinking that way, I'd be thinking the same way about you. I don't say it's wrong to judge people, to call them faceless bureaucrats or to label their actions inconsiderate and selfish. However, it's that kind of thinking on your part that makes you feel angry. Focus your attention on your needs what are your needs in this situation?

Front: John: But what's wrong with thinking that way?
MBR: I'm not saying there's anything wrong with thinking that way. Notice if I say there is something wrong with you for thinking that way, I'd be thinking the same way about you. I don't say it's wrong to judge people, to call them faceless bureaucrats or to label their actions inconsiderate and selfish. However, it's that kind of thinking on your part that makes you feel angry. Focus your attention on your needs: what are your needs in this situation?
John: Marshall, I need the training I was requesting. If I don't get that training, as sure as I'm sitting here, I'm gonna end up back in prison when I get out.
MBR: [...]
Back: John: But what's wrong with thinking that way?
MBR: I'm not saying there's anything wrong with thinking that way. Notice if I say there is something wrong with you for thinking that way, I'd be thinking the same way about you. I don't say it's wrong to judge people, to call them faceless bureaucrats or to label their actions inconsiderate and selfish. However, it's that kind of thinking on your part that makes you feel angry. Focus your attention on your needs: what are your needs in this situation?
John: Marshall, I need the training I was requesting. If I don't get that training, as sure as I'm sitting here, I'm gonna end up back in prison when I get out.
MBR: Now that your attention is on your needs, how do you feel?

Front: John: Marshall, I need the training I was requesting. If I don't get that training, as sure as I'm sitting here, I'm gonna end up back in prison when I get out.
MBR: Now that your attention is on your needs, how do you feel?
John: Scared.
MBR: [...]
Back: John: Marshall, I need the training I was requesting. If I don't get that training, as sure as I'm sitting here, I'm gonna end up back in prison when I get out.
MBR: Now that your attention is on your needs, how do you feel?
John: Scared.
MBR: Now put yourself in the shoes of a prison official. If I'm an inmate, am I more likely to get my needs met if I come to you saying, "Hey, I really need to get that training and I'm scared of what's going to happen if I don't get it…" or if I approach while seeing you as a faceless bureaucrat? Even if I don't say those words out loud, my eyes will reveal that kind of thinking. Which way am I more likely to get my needs met?

Front: John: Scared.
MBR: Now put yourself in the shoes of a prison official. If I'm an inmate, am I more likely to get my needs met if I come to you saying, "Hey, I really need to get that training and I'm scared of what's going to happen if I don't get it…" or if I approach while seeing you as a faceless bureaucrat? Even if I don't say those words out loud, my eyes will reveal that kind of thinking. Which way am I more likely to get my needs met?
(John, staring at the floor, remains silent).
MBR: [...]
Back: John: Scared.
MBR: Now put yourself in the shoes of a prison official. If I'm an inmate, am I more likely to get my needs met if I come to you saying, "Hey, I really need to get that training and I'm scared of what's going to happen if I don't get it…" or if I approach while seeing you as a faceless bureaucrat? Even if I don't say those words out loud, my eyes will reveal that kind of thinking. Which way am I more likely to get my needs met?
(John, staring at the floor, remains silent).
MBR: Hey, buddy, what's going on?

Front: (John, staring at the floor, remains silent).
MBR: Hey, buddy, what's going on?
John: Can't talk about it.
(three hours later)
John: [...]
Back: (John, staring at the floor, remains silent).
MBR: Hey, buddy, what's going on?
John: Can't talk about it.
(three hours later)
John: Marshall, I wish you had taught me two years ago what you taught me this morning. I wouldn't have had to kill my best friend.

Front: convert: judging him as lying
Back: he was scared, and his need was to protect himself against being punished

Front: If I had [...] with the view that he was lying--even if I hadn't expressed it out loud--he would have been less likely to feel safe expressing truthfully what had happened.
Back: If I had approached him with the view that he was lying--even if I hadn't expressed it out loud--he would have been less likely to feel safe expressing truthfully what had happened.

Front: If I had approached him with the view that [...]--even if I hadn't expressed it out loud--he would have been less likely to feel safe expressing truthfully what had happened.
Back: If I had approached him with the view that he was lying--even if I hadn't expressed it out loud--he would have been less likely to feel safe expressing truthfully what had happened.

Front: If I had approached him with the view that he was lying--[...]--he would have been less likely to feel safe expressing truthfully what had happened.
Back: If I had approached him with the view that he was lying--even if I hadn't expressed it out loud--he would have been less likely to feel safe expressing truthfully what had happened.

Front: If I had approached him with the view that he was lying--even if I hadn't expressed it out loud--he would have been [...] expressing truthfully what had happened.
Back: If I had approached him with the view that he was lying--even if I hadn't expressed it out loud--he would have been less likely to feel safe expressing truthfully what had happened.

Front: If I had approached him with the view that he was lying--even if I hadn't expressed it out loud--he would have been less likely to feel safe [...].
Back: If I had approached him with the view that he was lying--even if I hadn't expressed it out loud--he would have been less likely to feel safe expressing truthfully what had happened.

Front: I would like to suggest that when [...] judgments and analyses that others are bad, greedy, irresponsible, lying, cheating, polluting the environment, valuing profit more than life, or behaving in other ways they shouldn't, very few of them will be interested in our needs.
Back: I would like to suggest that when our heads are filled with judgments and analyses that others are bad, greedy, irresponsible, lying, cheating, polluting the environment, valuing profit more than life, or behaving in other ways they shouldn't, very few of them will be interested in our needs.

Front: I would like to suggest that when our heads are filled with [...] and analyses that others are bad, greedy, irresponsible, lying, cheating, polluting the environment, valuing profit more than life, or behaving in other ways they shouldn't, very few of them will be interested in our needs.
Back: I would like to suggest that when our heads are filled with judgments and analyses that others are bad, greedy, irresponsible, lying, cheating, polluting the environment, valuing profit more than life, or behaving in other ways they shouldn't, very few of them will be interested in our needs.

Front: I would like to suggest that when our heads are filled with judgments and [...] that others are bad, greedy, irresponsible, lying, cheating, polluting the environment, valuing profit more than life, or behaving in other ways they shouldn't, very few of them will be interested in our needs.
Back: I would like to suggest that when our heads are filled with judgments and analyses that others are bad, greedy, irresponsible, lying, cheating, polluting the environment, valuing profit more than life, or behaving in other ways they shouldn't, very few of them will be interested in our needs.

Front: I would like to suggest that when our heads are filled with judgments and analyses that others are [...], greedy, irresponsible, lying, cheating, polluting the environment, valuing profit more than life, or behaving in other ways they shouldn't, very few of them will be interested in our needs.
Back: I would like to suggest that when our heads are filled with judgments and analyses that others are bad, greedy, irresponsible, lying, cheating, polluting the environment, valuing profit more than life, or behaving in other ways they shouldn't, very few of them will be interested in our needs.

Front: I would like to suggest that when our heads are filled with judgments and analyses that others are bad, [...], irresponsible, lying, cheating, polluting the environment, valuing profit more than life, or behaving in other ways they shouldn't, very few of them will be interested in our needs.
Back: I would like to suggest that when our heads are filled with judgments and analyses that others are bad, greedy, irresponsible, lying, cheating, polluting the environment, valuing profit more than life, or behaving in other ways they shouldn't, very few of them will be interested in our needs.

Front: I would like to suggest that when our heads are filled with judgments and analyses that others are bad, greedy, [...], lying, cheating, polluting the environment, valuing profit more than life, or behaving in other ways they shouldn't, very few of them will be interested in our needs.
Back: I would like to suggest that when our heads are filled with judgments and analyses that others are bad, greedy, irresponsible, lying, cheating, polluting the environment, valuing profit more than life, or behaving in other ways they shouldn't, very few of them will be interested in our needs.

Front: I would like to suggest that when our heads are filled with judgments and analyses that others are bad, greedy, irresponsible, [...], cheating, polluting the environment, valuing profit more than life, or behaving in other ways they shouldn't, very few of them will be interested in our needs.
Back: I would like to suggest that when our heads are filled with judgments and analyses that others are bad, greedy, irresponsible, lying, cheating, polluting the environment, valuing profit more than life, or behaving in other ways they shouldn't, very few of them will be interested in our needs.

Front: I would like to suggest that when our heads are filled with judgments and analyses that others are bad, greedy, irresponsible, lying, [...], polluting the environment, valuing profit more than life, or behaving in other ways they shouldn't, very few of them will be interested in our needs.
Back: I would like to suggest that when our heads are filled with judgments and analyses that others are bad, greedy, irresponsible, lying, cheating, polluting the environment, valuing profit more than life, or behaving in other ways they shouldn't, very few of them will be interested in our needs.

Front: I would like to suggest that when our heads are filled with judgments and analyses that others are bad, greedy, irresponsible, lying, cheating, [...], valuing profit more than life, or behaving in other ways they shouldn't, very few of them will be interested in our needs.
Back: I would like to suggest that when our heads are filled with judgments and analyses that others are bad, greedy, irresponsible, lying, cheating, polluting the environment, valuing profit more than life, or behaving in other ways they shouldn't, very few of them will be interested in our needs.

Front: I would like to suggest that when our heads are filled with judgments and analyses that others are bad, greedy, irresponsible, lying, cheating, polluting the environment, [...], or behaving in other ways they shouldn't, very few of them will be interested in our needs.
Back: I would like to suggest that when our heads are filled with judgments and analyses that others are bad, greedy, irresponsible, lying, cheating, polluting the environment, valuing profit more than life, or behaving in other ways they shouldn't, very few of them will be interested in our needs.

Front: I would like to suggest that when our heads are filled with judgments and analyses that others are bad, greedy, irresponsible, lying, cheating, polluting the environment, valuing profit more than life, or [...], very few of them will be interested in our needs.
Back: I would like to suggest that when our heads are filled with judgments and analyses that others are bad, greedy, irresponsible, lying, cheating, polluting the environment, valuing profit more than life, or behaving in other ways they shouldn't, very few of them will be interested in our needs.

Front: I would like to suggest that when our heads are filled with judgments and analyses that others are bad, greedy, irresponsible, lying, cheating, polluting the environment, valuing profit more than life, or behaving in other ways they shouldn't, [...] will be interested in our needs.
Back: I would like to suggest that when our heads are filled with judgments and analyses that others are bad, greedy, irresponsible, lying, cheating, polluting the environment, valuing profit more than life, or behaving in other ways they shouldn't, very few of them will be interested in our needs.

Front: I would like to suggest that when our heads are filled with judgments and analyses that others are bad, greedy, irresponsible, lying, cheating, polluting the environment, valuing profit more than life, or behaving in other ways they shouldn't, very few of them will be [...].
Back: I would like to suggest that when our heads are filled with judgments and analyses that others are bad, greedy, irresponsible, lying, cheating, polluting the environment, valuing profit more than life, or behaving in other ways they shouldn't, very few of them will be interested in our needs.

Front: It is a [...] who can maintain focus on our needs when we are expressing them through images of their wrongness.
Back: It is a rare human being who can maintain focus on our needs when we are expressing them through images of their wrongness.

Front: It is a rare human being who can [...] when we are expressing them through images of their wrongness.
Back: It is a rare human being who can maintain focus on our needs when we are expressing them through images of their wrongness.

Front: It is a rare human being who can maintain focus on our needs when we are [...] through images of their wrongness.
Back: It is a rare human being who can maintain focus on our needs when we are expressing them through images of their wrongness.

Front: It is a rare human being who can maintain focus on our needs when we are expressing them through [...].
Back: It is a rare human being who can maintain focus on our needs when we are expressing them through images of their wrongness.

Front: If they feel so [...], guilty, or ashamed that they change their behavior, we may come to believe that it is possible to "win" by telling people what's wrong with them.
Back: If they feel so frightened, guilty, or ashamed that they change their behavior, we may come to believe that it is possible to "win" by telling people what's wrong with them.

Front: If they feel so frightened, [...], or ashamed that they change their behavior, we may come to believe that it is possible to "win" by telling people what's wrong with them.
Back: If they feel so frightened, guilty, or ashamed that they change their behavior, we may come to believe that it is possible to "win" by telling people what's wrong with them.

Front: If they feel so frightened, guilty, or [...] that they change their behavior, we may come to believe that it is possible to "win" by telling people what's wrong with them.
Back: If they feel so frightened, guilty, or ashamed that they change their behavior, we may come to believe that it is possible to "win" by telling people what's wrong with them.

Front: If they feel so frightened, guilty, or ashamed that [...], we may come to believe that it is possible to "win" by telling people what's wrong with them.
Back: If they feel so frightened, guilty, or ashamed that they change their behavior, we may come to believe that it is possible to "win" by telling people what's wrong with them.

Front: If they feel so frightened, guilty, or ashamed that they change their behavior, we [...] that it is possible to "win" by telling people what's wrong with them.
Back: If they feel so frightened, guilty, or ashamed that they change their behavior, we may come to believe that it is possible to "win" by telling people what's wrong with them.

Front: If they feel so frightened, guilty, or ashamed that they change their behavior, we may come to believe that it is [...] by telling people what's wrong with them.
Back: If they feel so frightened, guilty, or ashamed that they change their behavior, we may come to believe that it is possible to "win" by telling people what's wrong with them.

Front: If they feel so frightened, guilty, or ashamed that they change their behavior, we may come to believe that it is possible to "win" by [...].
Back: If they feel so frightened, guilty, or ashamed that they change their behavior, we may come to believe that it is possible to "win" by telling people what's wrong with them.

Front: The [...] blame and judgment, the more defensive and angry they become and the less they will care about our needs in the future.
Back: The more people hear blame and judgment, the more defensive and angry they become and the less they will care about our needs in the future.

Front: The more people hear [...] and judgment, the more defensive and angry they become and the less they will care about our needs in the future.
Back: The more people hear blame and judgment, the more defensive and angry they become and the less they will care about our needs in the future.

Front: The more people hear blame and [...], the more defensive and angry they become and the less they will care about our needs in the future.
Back: The more people hear blame and judgment, the more defensive and angry they become and the less they will care about our needs in the future.

Front: The more people hear blame and judgment, the more [...] and angry they become and the less they will care about our needs in the future.
Back: The more people hear blame and judgment, the more defensive and angry they become and the less they will care about our needs in the future.

Front: The more people hear blame and judgment, the more defensive and [...] they become and the less they will care about our needs in the future.
Back: The more people hear blame and judgment, the more defensive and angry they become and the less they will care about our needs in the future.

Front: The more people hear blame and judgment, the more defensive and angry [...] and the less they will care about our needs in the future.
Back: The more people hear blame and judgment, the more defensive and angry they become and the less they will care about our needs in the future.

Front: The more people hear blame and judgment, the more defensive and angry they become and the [...] our needs in the future.
Back: The more people hear blame and judgment, the more defensive and angry they become and the less they will care about our needs in the future.

Front: The more people hear blame and judgment, the more defensive and angry they become and the less they will care about [...].
Back: The more people hear blame and judgment, the more defensive and angry they become and the less they will care about our needs in the future.

Front: convert to need: It's unfair to act like that.  She's being racist.
Back: the need may be for inclusion, equality, respect, or connection

Front: man: These kikes get up early in the morning so they can screw everybody out of their money.
MBR: [...]
Back: man: These kicks get up early in the morning so they can screw everybody out of their money.
MBR: Are you feeling frustrated? It appears that you might have had some bad experiences with Jewish people.

Front: man: These kicks get up early in the morning so they can screw everybody out of their money.
MBR: Are you feeling frustrated? It appears that you might have had some bad experiences with Jewish people.
man: Yeah! These people are disgusting, they'll do anything for money.
MBR: [...]
Back: man: These kicks get up early in the morning so they can screw everybody out of their money.
MBR: Are you feeling frustrated? It appears that you might have had some bad experiences with Jewish people.
man: Yeah! These people are disgusting, they'll do anything for money.
MBR: You feel distrust and the need to protect yourself when you're involved in financial affairs with them.

Front: after the taxi driver pours out all his frustrations...
MBR: [...] Y k, w y f s t t, I f a l o a, a l o f, s, a d, b I'v h v d e w J t y'v h, a I w w y t h m m t k o e I'v h. C y t m w y h m s?
Back: after the taxi driver pours out all his frustrations...
MBR: You know, when you first started to talk, I felt a lot of anger, a lot of frustration, sadness, and discouragement, because I've had very different experiences with Jews than you've had, and I was wanting you to have much more the kind of experiences I've had. Can you tell me what you heard me say?

Front: after the taxi driver pours out all his frustrations...
MBR: You know, when you first started to talk, I felt a lot of anger, a lot of frustration, sadness, and discouragement, because I've had very different experiences with Jews than you've had, and I was wanting you to have much more the kind of experiences I've had. Can you tell me what you heard me say?
man: Oh, I'm not saying they're all...
MBR: [...]
Back: after the taxi driver pours out all his frustrations...
MBR: You know, when you first started to talk, I felt a lot of anger, a lot of frustration, sadness, and discouragement, because I've had very different experiences with Jews than you've had, and I was wanting you to have much more the kind of experiences I've had. Can you tell me what you heard me say?
man: Oh, I'm not saying they're all...
MBR: Excuse me, hold on, hold it. Can you tell me what you heard me say?

Front: man: Oh, I'm not saying they're all...
MBR: Excuse me, hold on, hold it. Can you tell me what you heard me say?
man: What are you talking about?
MBR: [...] L m r w I'm t t s. I r w y t j h t p I f w I h y w. I's r i t m t y h t. I w s I f a r s o s b m e w J p h b v d. I w j w t y h s e t w d f t o y w d. C y t m w y h m s?
Back: man: Oh, I'm not saying they're all...
MBR: Excuse me, hold on, hold it. Can you tell me what you heard me say?
man: What are you talking about?
MBR: Let me repeat what I'm trying to say. I really want you to just hear the pain I felt when I heard your words. It's really important to me that you hear that. I was saying I felt a real sense of sadness because my experiences with Jewish people have been very different. I was just wishing that you had some experiences that were different from the ones you were describing. Can you tell me what you heard me say?

Front: man: What are you talking about?
MBR: Let me repeat what I'm trying to say. I really want you to just hear the pain I felt when I heard your words. It's really important to me that you hear that. I was saying I felt a real sense of sadness because my experiences with Jewish people have been very different. I was just wishing that you had some experiences that were different from the ones you were describing. Can you tell me what you heard me say?
man: You're saying I have no right to talk the way I did.
MBR: [...]
Back: man: What are you talking about?
MBR: Let me repeat what I'm trying to say. I really want you to just hear the pain I felt when I heard your words. It's really important to me that you hear that. Iwas saying I felt a real sense of sadness because my experiences with Jewish people have been very different. I was just wishing that you had some experiences that were different from the ones you were describing. Can you tell me what you heard me say?
man: You're saying I have no right to talk the way I did.
MBR: No, I would like you to hear me differently. I really don't want to blame you. I have no desire to blame you.

Front: convert: That was a racist thing to do!
[...] (Observation)
Back: When you entered the room and started talking to the others and didn't say anything to me and then made the comment about white people,

Front: convert: That was a racist thing to do!
When you entered the room and started talking to the others and didn't say anything to me and then made the comment about white people, [...] (Feeling)
Back: I felt really sick to my stomach, and got so scared;

Front: convert: That was a racist thing to do!
When you entered the room and started talking to the others and didn't say anything to me and then made the comment about white people, I felt really sick to my stomach, and got so scared; [...] (Need)
Back: it triggered off all kinds of needs on my part to be treated equally.

Front: convert: That was a racist thing to do!
When you entered the room and started talking to the others and didn't say anything to me and then made the comment about white people, I felt really sick to my stomach, and got so scared; it triggered off all kinds of needs on my part to be treated equally. [...] (Request)
Back: I'd like you to tell me how you feel when I tell you this.

Q: If this man said, "[...]; those were racist remarks I made," he would not have heard my pain.
A: If this man said, "Those were terrible things for me to say; those were racist remarks I made," he would not have heard my pain.

Q: If this man said, "Those were terrible things for me to say; [...]," he would not have heard my pain.
A: If this man said, "Those were terrible things for me to say; those were racist remarks I made," he would not have heard my pain.

Q: If this man said, "Those were terrible things for me to say; those were racist remarks I made," he would not have [...].
A: If this man said, "Those were terrible things for me to say; those were racist remarks I made," he would not have heard my pain.

Q: I intended to [...], because in my experience, to whatever degree people hear blame, they have failed to hear our pain.
A: I intended to slow down the conversation, because in my experience, to whatever degree people hear blame, they have failed to hear our pain.

Q: I intended to slow down the conversation, because in my experience, to whatever degree people hear [...], they have failed to hear our pain.
A: I intended to slow down the conversation, because in my experience, to whatever degree people hear blame, they have failed to hear our pain.

Q: I intended to slow down the conversation, because in my experience, to whatever degree people hear blame, they have failed to hear our [...].
A: I intended to slow down the conversation, because in my experience, to whatever degree people hear blame, they have failed to hear our pain.

Q: Blaming is [...].
A: Blaming is easy.

Q: People are [...] hearing blame; sometimes they agree with it and hate themselves--which doesn't stop them from behaving the same way--and sometimes they hate us for calling them racists or whatever--which also doesn't stop their behavior.
A: People are used to hearing blame; sometimes they agree with it and hate themselves--which doesn't stop them from behaving the same way--and sometimes they hate us for calling them racists or whatever--which also doesn't stop their behavior.

Q: People are used to hearing [...]; sometimes they agree with it and hate themselves--which doesn't stop them from behaving the same way--and sometimes they hate us for calling them racists or whatever--which also doesn't stop their behavior.
A: People are used to hearing blame; sometimes they agree with it and hate themselves--which doesn't stop them from behaving the same way--and sometimes they hate us for calling them racists or whatever--which also doesn't stop their behavior.

Q: People are used to hearing blame; sometimes they [...] and hate themselves--which doesn't stop them from behaving the same way--and sometimes they hate us for calling them racists or whatever--which also doesn't stop their behavior.
A: People are used to hearing blame; sometimes they agree with it and hate themselves--which doesn't stop them from behaving the same way--and sometimes they hate us for calling them racists or whatever--which also doesn't stop their behavior.

Q: People are used to hearing blame; sometimes they agree with it and [...]--which doesn't stop them from behaving the same way--and sometimes they hate us for calling them racists or whatever--which also doesn't stop their behavior.
A: People are used to hearing blame; sometimes they agree with it and hate themselves--which doesn't stop them from behaving the same way--and sometimes they hate us for calling them racists or whatever--which also doesn't stop their behavior.

Q: People are used to hearing blame; sometimes they agree with it and hate themselves--which [...]--and sometimes they hate us for calling them racists or whatever--which also doesn't stop their behavior.
A: People are used to hearing blame; sometimes they agree with it and hate themselves--which doesn't stop them from behaving the same way--and sometimes they hate us for calling them racists or whatever--which also doesn't stop their behavior.

Q: People are used to hearing blame; sometimes they agree with it and hate themselves--which doesn't stop them from behaving the same way--and sometimes they [...]--which also doesn't stop their behavior.
A: People are used to hearing blame; sometimes they agree with it and hate themselves--which doesn't stop them from behaving the same way--and sometimes they hate us for calling them racists or whatever--which also doesn't stop their behavior.

Q: People are used to hearing blame; sometimes they agree with it and hate themselves--which doesn't stop them from behaving the same way--and sometimes they hate us for calling them racists or whatever--which also doesn't [...].
A: People are used to hearing blame; sometimes they agree with it and hate themselves--which doesn't stop them from behaving the same way--and sometimes they hate us for calling them racists or whatever--which also doesn't stop their behavior.

Q: If we sense [...], we may need to slow down, go back and hear their pain for a while more.
A: If we sense blame entering their mind, we may need to slow down, go back and hear their pain for a while more.

Q: If we sense blame entering their mind, we may need to [...], go back and hear their pain for a while more.
A: If we sense blame entering their mind, we may need to slow down, go back and hear their pain for a while more.

Q: If we sense blame entering their mind, we may need to slow down, go back and [...] for a while more.
A: If we sense blame entering their mind, we may need to slow down, go back and hear their pain for a while more.

Q: If we sense blame entering their mind, we may need to slow down, go back and hear their pain for [...].
A: If we sense blame entering their mind, we may need to slow down, go back and hear their pain for a while more.

Q: Probably the most important part of learning to [...] is to take our time.
A: Probably the most important part of learning to live the NVC process is to take our time.

Q: Probably the most important part of learning to live the NVC process is to [...].
A: Probably the most important part of learning to live the NVC process is to take our time.

Q: We may feel [...] deviating from the habitual behaviors that our conditioning has rendered automatic, but if our intention is to consciously live life in harmony with our values, then we'll want to take our time.
A: We may feel awkward deviating from the habitual behaviors that our conditioning has rendered automatic, but if our intention is to consciously live life in harmony with our values, then we'll want to take our time.

Q: We may feel awkward [...] the habitual behaviors that our conditioning has rendered automatic, but if our intention is to consciously live life in harmony with our values, then we'll want to take our time.
A: We may feel awkward deviating from the habitual behaviors that our conditioning has rendered automatic, but if our intention is to consciously live life in harmony with our values, then we'll want to take our time.

Q: We may feel awkward deviating from the [...] that our conditioning has rendered automatic, but if our intention is to consciously live life in harmony with our values, then we'll want to take our time.
A: We may feel awkward deviating from the habitual behaviors that our conditioning has rendered automatic, but if our intention is to consciously live life in harmony with our values, then we'll want to take our time.

Q: We may feel awkward deviating from the habitual behaviors that our [...] has rendered automatic, but if our intention is to consciously live life in harmony with our values, then we'll want to take our time.
A: We may feel awkward deviating from the habitual behaviors that our conditioning has rendered automatic, but if our intention is to consciously live life in harmony with our values, then we'll want to take our time.

Q: We may feel awkward deviating from the habitual behaviors that our conditioning has [...], but if our intention is to consciously live life in harmony with our values, then we'll want to take our time.
A: We may feel awkward deviating from the habitual behaviors that our conditioning has rendered automatic, but if our intention is to consciously live life in harmony with our values, then we'll want to take our time.

Q: We may feel awkward deviating from the habitual behaviors that our conditioning has rendered automatic, but if our [...] is to consciously live life in harmony with our values, then we'll want to take our time.
A: We may feel awkward deviating from the habitual behaviors that our conditioning has rendered automatic, but if our intention is to consciously live life in harmony with our values, then we'll want to take our time.

Q: We may feel awkward deviating from the habitual behaviors that our conditioning has rendered automatic, but if our intention is to [...] live life in harmony with our values, then we'll want to take our time.
A: We may feel awkward deviating from the habitual behaviors that our conditioning has rendered automatic, but if our intention is to consciously live life in harmony with our values, then we'll want to take our time.

Q: We may feel awkward deviating from the habitual behaviors that our conditioning has rendered automatic, but if our intention is to consciously live life [...], then we'll want to take our time.
A: We may feel awkward deviating from the habitual behaviors that our conditioning has rendered automatic, but if our intention is to consciously live life in harmony with our values, then we'll want to take our time.

Q: We may feel awkward deviating from the habitual behaviors that our conditioning has rendered automatic, but if our intention is to consciously live life in harmony with our values, then we'll want to [...].
A: We may feel awkward deviating from the habitual behaviors that our conditioning has rendered automatic, but if our intention is to consciously live life in harmony with our values, then we'll want to take our time.

Q: Our [...] comes from judgments, labels, and thoughts of blame, of what people "should" do and what they "deserve."
A: Our anger comes from judgments, labels, and thoughts of blame, of what people "should" do and what they "deserve."

Q: Our anger comes from [...], labels, and thoughts of blame, of what people "should" do and what they "deserve."
A: Our anger comes from judgments, labels, and thoughts of blame, of what people "should" do and what they "deserve."

Q: Our anger comes from judgments, [...], and thoughts of blame, of what people "should" do and what they "deserve."
A: Our anger comes from judgments, labels, and thoughts of blame, of what people "should" do and what they "deserve."

Q: Our anger comes from judgments, labels, and [...], of what people "should" do and what they "deserve."
A: Our anger comes from judgments, labels, and thoughts of blame, of what people "should" do and what they "deserve."

Q: Our anger comes from judgments, labels, and thoughts of blame, of what people [...] and what they "deserve."
A: Our anger comes from judgments, labels, and thoughts of blame, of what people "should" do and what they "deserve."

Q: Our anger comes from judgments, labels, and thoughts of blame, of what people "should" do and what they "[...]."
A: Our anger comes from judgments, labels, and thoughts of blame, of what people "should" do and what they "deserve."

Q: to train yourself to [...] in terms of unmet needs rather than in terms of judgments of other people:
1. List the judgments that float most frequently in your head by using the cue, "I don't like people who are..."
2. Collect all such negative judgmetns in your head and then ask yourself, "When I make that judgment of a person, what am I needing and not getting?"
A: to train yourself to frame your thinking in terms of unmet needs rather than in terms of judgments of other people:
1. List the judgments that float most frequently in your head by using the cue, "I don't like people who are..."
2. Collect all such negative judgmetns in your head and then ask yourself, "When I make that judgment of a person, what am I needing and not getting?"

Q: to train yourself to frame your thinking in terms of [...] rather than in terms of judgments of other people:
1. List the judgments that float most frequently in your head by using the cue, "I don't like people who are..."
2. Collect all such negative judgmetns in your head and then ask yourself, "When I make that judgment of a person, what am I needing and not getting?"
A: to train yourself to frame your thinking in terms of unmet needs rather than in terms of judgments of other people:
1. List the judgments that float most frequently in your head by using the cue, "I don't like people who are..."
2. Collect all such negative judgmetns in your head and then ask yourself, "When I make that judgment of a person, what am I needing and not getting?"

Q: to train yourself to frame your thinking in terms of unmet needs rather than in terms of [...]:
1. List the judgments that float most frequently in your head by using the cue, "I don't like people who are..."
2. Collect all such negative judgments in your head and then ask yourself, "When I make that judgment of a person, what am I needing and not getting?"
A: to train yourself to frame your thinking in terms of unmet needs rather than in terms of judgments of other people:
1. List the judgments that float most frequently in your head by using the cue, "I don't like people who are..."
2. Collect all such negative judgments in your head and then ask yourself, "When I make that judgment of a person, what am I needing and not getting?"

Q: to train yourself to frame your thinking in terms of unmet needs rather than in terms of judgments of other people:
1. [...] by using the cue, "I don't like people who are..."
2. Collect all such negative judgments in your head and then ask yourself, "When I make that judgment of a person, what am I needing and not getting?"
A: to train yourself to frame your thinking in terms of unmet needs rather than in terms of judgments of other people:
1. List the judgments that float most frequently in your head by using the cue, "I don't like people who are..."
2. Collect all such negative judgments in your head and then ask yourself, "When I make that judgment of a person, what am I needing and not getting?"

Q: to train yourself to frame your thinking in terms of unmet needs rather than in terms of judgments of other people:
1. List the judgments that float most frequently in your head by using the cue, "[...]"
2. Collect all such negative judgments in your head and then ask yourself, "When I make that judgment of a person, what am I needing and not getting?"
A: to train yourself to frame your thinking in terms of unmet needs rather than in terms of judgments of other people:
1. List the judgments that float most frequently in your head by using the cue, "I don't like people who are..."
2. Collect all such negative judgments in your head and then ask yourself, "When I make that judgment of a person, what am I needing and not getting?"

Q: to train yourself to frame your thinking in terms of unmet needs rather than in terms of judgments of other people:
1. List the judgments that float most frequently in your head by using the cue, "I don't like people who are..."
2. [...] and then ask yourself, "When I make that judgment of a person, what am I needing and not getting?"
A: to train yourself to frame your thinking in terms of unmet needs rather than in terms of judgments of other people:
1. List the judgments that float most frequently in your head by using the cue, "I don't like people who are..."
2. Collect all such negative judgments in your head and then ask yourself, "When I make that judgment of a person, what am I needing and not getting?"

Q: to train yourself to frame your thinking in terms of unmet needs rather than in terms of judgments of other people:
1. List the judgments that float most frequently in your head by using the cue, "I don't like people who are..."
2. Collect all such negative judgments in your head and then [...], "When I make that judgment of a person, what am I needing and not getting?"
A: to train yourself to frame your thinking in terms of unmet needs rather than in terms of judgments of other people:
1. List the judgments that float most frequently in your head by using the cue, "I don't like people who are..."
2. Collect all such negative judgments in your head and then ask yourself, "When I make that judgment of a person, what am I needing and not getting?"

Q: to train yourself to frame your thinking in terms of unmet needs rather than in terms of judgments of other people:
1. List the judgments that float most frequently in your head by using the cue, "I don't like people who are..."
2. Collect all such negative judgments in your head and then ask yourself, "[...]"
A: to train yourself to frame your thinking in terms of unmet needs rather than in terms of judgments of other people:
1. List the judgments that float most frequently in your head by using the cue, "I don't like people who are..."
2. Collect all such negative judgments in your head and then ask yourself, "When I make that judgment of a person, what am I needing and not getting?"

Q: [...] and blaming have become second nature to us.
A: Judging and blaming have become second nature to us.

Q: Judging and [...] have become second nature to us.
A: Judging and blaming have become second nature to us.

Q: Judging and blaming have become [...] to us.
A: Judging and blaming have become second nature to us.

Q: To [...], we need to proceed slowly, think carefully before we speak, and often just take a deep breath and not speak at all.
A: To practice NVC, we need to proceed slowly, think carefully before we speak, and often just take a deep breath and not speak at all.

Q: To practice NVC, we need to [...], think carefully before we speak, and often just take a deep breath and not speak at all.
A: To practice NVC, we need to proceed slowly, think carefully before we speak, and often just take a deep breath and not speak at all.

Q: To practice NVC, we need to proceed slowly, [...], and often just take a deep breath and not speak at all.
A: To practice NVC, we need to proceed slowly, think carefully before we speak, and often just take a deep breath and not speak at all.

Q: To practice NVC, we need to proceed slowly, think carefully before we speak, and often [...].
A: To practice NVC, we need to proceed slowly, think carefully before we speak, and often just take a deep breath and not speak at all.

Q: In this situation, 15-year-old Bill took a car without permission from Jorge, a family friend. He went on a joy ride with two friends and returned the car undamaged to the garage, where its absence had not been detected. Since then, however, Jorge’s 14-year-old daughter, Eva, who had gone along for the ride, told her father what had happened. Jorge then informed Bill’s father, who is now approaching his son. The father has just recently been practicing NVC.
Father: [...]
A: In this situation, 15-year-old Bill took a car without permission from Jorge, a family friend. He went on a joy ride with two friends and returned the car undamaged to the garage, where its absence had not been detected. Since then, however, Jorge’s 14-year-old daughter, Eva, who had gone along for the ride, told her father what had happened. Jorge then informed Bill’s father, who is now approaching his son. The father has just recently been practicing NVC.
Father: So I hear you, Eva and Dave took Jorge's car without asking.

Q: Father: So I hear you, Eva and Dave took Jorge's car without asking.
Bill: No we didn't!
Father: (in a loud voice) Don't lie to me; it'll only make it worse! (Then remembers to first connect to his own feelings and needs in order to stay in connection with his son.) [...]
A: Father: So I hear you, Eva and Dave took Jorge's car without asking.
Bill: No we didn't!
Father: (in a loud voice) Don't lie to me; it'll only make it worse! (Then remembers to first connect to his own feelings and needs in order to stay in connection with his son.) You just sit there for a moment; I need to think.

Q: Father: So I hear you, Eva and Dave took Jorge's car without asking.
Bill: No we didn't!
Father: (in a loud voice) Don't lie to me; it'll only make it worse! (Then remembers to first connect to his own feelings and needs in order to stay in connection with his son.) You just sit there for a moment; I need to think. (Going inside himself, he sees [...].
A: Father: So I hear you, Eva and Dave took Jorge's car without asking.
Bill: No we didn't!
Father: (in a loud voice) Don't lie to me; it'll only make it worse! (Then remembers to first connect to his own feelings and needs in order to stay in connection with his son.) You just sit there for a moment; I need to think. (Going inside himself, he sees how angry and scared he is.

Q: Father: So I hear you, Eva and Dave took Jorge's car without asking.
Bill: No we didn't!
Father: (in a loud voice) Don't lie to me; it'll only make it worse! (Then remembers to first connect to his own feelings and needs in order to stay in connection with his son.) You just sit there for a moment; I need to think. (Going inside himself, he sees how angry and scared he is. He's angry because [...]
A: Father: So I hear you, Eva and Dave took Jorge's car without asking.
Bill: No we didn't!
Father: (in a loud voice) Don't lie to me; it'll only make it worse! (Then remembers to first connect to his own feelings and needs in order to stay in connection with his son.) You just sit there for a moment; I need to think. (Going inside himself, he sees how angry and scared he is. He's angry because he's telling himself, "Bill should have known better!" and "What a liar he's become!"

Q: Father: So I hear you, Eva and Dave took Jorge's car without asking.
Bill: No we didn't!
Father: (in a loud voice) Don't lie to me; it'll only make it worse! (Then remembers to first connect to his own feelings and needs in order to stay in connection with his son.) You just sit there for a moment; I need to think. (Going inside himself, he sees how angry and scared he is. He's angry because he's telling himself, "Bill should have known better!" and "What a liar he's become!" [...]
A: Father: So I hear you, Eva and Dave took Jorge's car without asking.
Bill: No we didn't!
Father: (in a loud voice) Don't lie to me; it'll only make it worse! (Then remembers to first connect to his own feelings and needs in order to stay in connection with his son.) You just sit there for a moment; I need to think. (Going inside himself, he sees how angry and scared he is. He's angry because he's telling himself, "Bill should have known better!" and "What a liar he's become!" He's scared when he thinks of all the potential consequences of not only Bill's action, but his own misjudgment of what his son might do.

Q: Father: So I hear you, Eva and Dave took Jorge's car without asking.
Bill: No we didn't!
Father: (in a loud voice) Don't lie to me; it'll only make it worse! (Then remembers to first connect to his own feelings and needs in order to stay in connection with his son.) You just sit there for a moment; I need to think. (Going inside himself, he sees how angry and scared he is. He's angry because he's telling himself, "Bill should have known better!" and "What a liar he's become!" He's scared when he thinks of all the potential consequences of not only Bill's action, but his own misjudgment of what his son might do. [...]
A: Father: So I hear you, Eva and Dave took Jorge's car without asking.
Bill: No we didn't!
Father: (in a loud voice) Don't lie to me; it'll only make it worse! (Then remembers to first connect to his own feelings and needs in order to stay in connection with his son.) You just sit there for a moment; I need to think. (Going inside himself, he sees how angry and scared he is. He's angry because he's telling himself, "Bill should have known better!" and "What a liar he's become!" He's scared when he thinks of all the potential consequences of not only Bill's action, but his own misjudgment of what his son might do. "That was stupid of me to assume he knows better." "Some one could have gotten killed in this!"

Q: Father: So I hear you, Eva and Dave took Jorge's car without asking.
Bill: No we didn't!
Father: (in a loud voice) Don't lie to me; it'll only make it worse! (Then remembers to first connect to his own feelings and needs in order to stay in connection with his son.) You just sit there for a moment; I need to think. (Going inside himself, he sees how angry and scared he is. He's angry because he's telling himself, "Bill should have known better!" and "What a liar he's become!" He's scared when he thinks of all the potential consequences of not only Bill's action, but his own misjudgment of what his son might do. "That was stupid of me to assume he knows better." "Some one could have gotten killed in this!" [...]
A: Father: So I hear you, Eva and Dave took Jorge's car without asking.
Bill: No we didn't!
Father: (in a loud voice) Don't lie to me; it'll only make it worse! (Then remembers to first connect to his own feelings and needs in order to stay in connection with his son.) You just sit there for a moment; I need to think. (Going inside himself, he sees how angry and scared he is. He's angry because he's telling himself, "Bill should have known better!" and "What a liar he's become!" He's scared when he thinks of all the potential consequences of not only Bill's action, but his own misjudgment of what his son might do. "That was stupid of me to assume he knows better." "Some one could have gotten killed in this!" He catches himself, "Oops, I need to translate the labels 'stupid' and 'liar' into feelings and needs.

Q: Father: So I hear you, Eva and Dave took Jorge's car without asking.
Bill: No we didn't!
Father: (in a loud voice) Don't lie to me; it'll only make it worse! (Then remembers to first connect to his own feelings and needs in order to stay in connection with his son.) You just sit there for a moment; I need to think. (Going inside himself, he sees how angry and scared he is. He's angry because he's telling himself, "Bill should have known better!" and "What a liar he's become!" He's scared when he thinks of all the potential consequences of not only Bill's action, but his own misjudgment of what his son might do. "That was stupid of me to assume he knows better." "Some one could have gotten killed in this!" He catches himself, "Oops, I need to translate the labels 'stupid' and 'liar' into feelings and needs. [...]
A: Father: So I hear you, Eva and Dave took Jorge's car without asking.
Bill: No we didn't!
Father: (in a loud voice) Don't lie to me; it'll only make it worse! (Then remembers to first connect to his own feelings and needs in order to stay in connection with his son.) You just sit there for a moment; I need to think. (Going inside himself, he sees how angry and scared he is. He's angry because he's telling himself, "Bill should have known better!" and "What a liar he's become!" He's scared when he thinks of all the potential consequences of not only Bill's action, but his own misjudgment of what his son might do. "That was stupid of me to assume he knows better." "Some one could have gotten killed in this!" He catches himself, "Oops, I need to translate the labels 'stupid' and 'liar' into feelings and needs. For 'stupid', I guess the feeling is disappointment in myself; I would have liked to think that I knew him better.

Q: Father: So I hear you, Eva and Dave took Jorge's car without asking.
Bill: No we didn't!
Father: (in a loud voice) Don't lie to me; it'll only make it worse! (Then remembers to first connect to his own feelings and needs in order to stay in connection with his son.) You just sit there for a moment; I need to think. (Going inside himself, he sees how angry and scared he is. He's angry because he's telling himself, "Bill should have known better!" and "What a liar he's become!" He's scared when he thinks of all the potential consequences of not only Bill's action, but his own misjudgment of what his son might do. "That was stupid of me to assume he knows better." "Some one could have gotten killed in this!" He catches himself, "Oops, I need to translate the labels 'stupid' and 'liar' into feelings and needs. For 'stupid', I guess the feeling is disappointment in myself; I would have liked to think that I knew him better. [...]
A: Father: So I hear you, Eva and Dave took Jorge's car without asking.
Bill: No we didn't!
Father: (in a loud voice) Don't lie to me; it'll only make it worse! (Then remembers to first connect to his own feelings and needs in order to stay in connection with his son.) You just sit there for a moment; I need to think. (Going inside himself, he sees how angry and scared he is. He's angry because he's telling himself, "Bill should have known better!" and "What a liar he's become!" He's scared when he thinks of all the potential consequences of not only Bill's action, but his own misjudgment of what his son might do. "That was stupid of me to assume he knows better." "Some one could have gotten killed in this!" He catches himself, "Oops, I need to translate the labels 'stupid' and 'liar' into feelings and needs. For 'stupid', I guess the feeling is disappointment in myself; I would have liked to think that I knew him better. And as for 'liar,' I'm feeling pretty scared because I want to be able to count on getting accurate information to deal with this situation."

Q: Father: So I hear you, Eva and Dave took Jorge's car without asking.
Bill: No we didn't!
Father: (in a loud voice) Don't lie to me; it'll only make it worse! (Then remembers to first connect to his own feelings and needs in order to stay in connection with his son.) You just sit there for a moment; I need to think. (Going inside himself, he sees how angry and scared he is. He's angry because he's telling himself, "Bill should have known better!" and "What a liar he's become!" He's scared when he thinks of all the potential consequences of not only Bill's action, but his own misjudgment of what his son might do. "That was stupid of me to assume he knows better." "Some one could have gotten killed in this!" He catches himself, "Oops, I need to translate the labels 'stupid' and 'liar' into feelings and needs. For 'stupid', I guess the feeling is disappointment in myself; I would have liked to think that I knew him better. And as for 'liar,' I'm feeling pretty scared because I want to be able to count on getting accurate information to deal with this situation." Silence while he mulls over how to begin talking.) [...]
A: Father: So I hear you, Eva and Dave took Jorge's car without asking.
Bill: No we didn't!
Father: (in a loud voice) Don't lie to me; it'll only make it worse! (Then remembers to first connect to his own feelings and needs in order to stay in connection with his son.) You just sit there for a moment; I need to think. (Going inside himself, he sees how angry and scared he is. He's angry because he's telling himself, "Bill should have known better!" and "What a liar he's become!" He's scared when he thinks of all the potential consequences of not only Bill's action, but his own misjudgment of what his son might do. "That was stupid of me to assume he knows better." "Some one could have gotten killed in this!" He catches himself, "Oops, I need to translate the labels 'stupid' and 'liar' into feelings and needs. For 'stupid', I guess the feeling is disappointment in myself; I would have liked to think that I knew him better. And as for 'liar,' I'm feeling pretty scared because I want to be able to count on getting accurate information to deal with this situation." Silence while he mulls over how to begin talking.) Bill, are you worried that you'll be punished if you give me accurate information?

Q: Father: (in a loud voice) Don't lie to me; it'll only make it worse! (Then remembers to first connect to his own feelings and needs in order to stay in connection with his son.) You just sit there for a moment; I need to think. (Going inside himself, he sees how angry and scared he is. He's angry because he's telling himself, "Bill should have known better!" and "What a liar he's become!" He's scared when he thinks of all the potential consequences of not only Bill's action, but his own misjudgment of what his son might do. "That was stupid of me to assume he knows better." "Some one could have gotten killed in this!" He catches himself, "Oops, I need to translate the labels 'stupid' and 'liar' into feelings and needs. For 'stupid', I guess the feeling is disappointment in myself; I would have liked to think that I knew him better. And as for 'liar,' I'm feeling pretty scared because I want to be able to count on getting accurate information to deal with this situation." Silence while he mulls over how to begin talking.) Bill, are you worried that you'll be punished if you give me accurate information?
Bill: Yeah, you're always so mean whenever I do anything you don't like.
Father: [...]
A: Father: (in a loud voice) Don't lie to me; it'll only make it worse! (Then remembers to first connect to his own feelings and needs in order to stay in connection with his son.) You just sit there for a moment; I need to think. (Going inside himself, he sees how angry and scared he is. He's angry because he's telling himself, "Bill should have known better!" and "What a liar he's become!" He's scared when he thinks of all the potential consequences of not only Bill's action, but his own misjudgment of what his son might do. "That was stupid of me to assume he knows better." "Some one could have gotten killed in this!" He catches himself, "Oops, I need to translate the labels 'stupid' and 'liar' into feelings and needs. For 'stupid', I guess the feeling is disappointment in myself; I would have liked to think that I knew him better. And as for 'liar,' I'm feeling pretty scared because I want to be able to count on getting accurate information to deal with this situation." Silence while he mulls over how to begin talking.) Bill, are you worried that you'll be punished if you give me accurate information?
Bill: Yeah, you're always so mean whenever I do anything you don't like.
Father: Are you saying you'd like more understanding and fairer treatment for what you do?

Q: Father: Are you saying you'd like more understanding and fairer treatment for what you do?
Bill: Oh, sure, like I'm really gonna get fair treatment and understanding from you!
Father: (silently to himself, "[...]
A: Father: Are you saying you'd like more understanding and fairer treatment for what you do?
Bill: Oh, sure, like I'm really gonna get fair treatment and understanding from you!
Father: (silently to himself, "Boy, do I get angry when he says that! Can't he see how hard I'm trying?

Q: Father: Are you saying you'd like more understanding and fairer treatment for what you do?
Bill: Oh, sure, like I'm really gonna get fair treatment and understanding from you!
Father: (silently to himself, "Boy, do I get angry when he says that! Can't he see how hard I'm trying? [...]")
A: Father: Are you saying you'd like more understanding and fairer treatment for what you do?
Bill: Oh, sure, like I'm really gonna get fair treatment and understanding from you!
Father: (silently to himself, "Boy, do I get angry when he says that! Can't he see how hard I'm trying? I really need a little respect for how hard this is, and I guess also a little caring for how scared I'm feeling")

Q: Father: Are you saying you'd like more understanding and fairer treatment for what you do?
Bill: Oh, sure, like I'm really gonna get fair treatment and understanding from you!
Father: (silently to himself, "Boy, do I get angry when he says that! Can't he see how hard I'm trying? I really need a little respect for how hard this is, and I guess also a little caring for how scared I'm feeling") [...]
A: Father: Are you saying you'd like more understanding and fairer treatment for what you do?
Bill: Oh, sure, like I'm really gonna get fair treatment and understanding from you!
Father: (silently to himself, "Boy, do I get angry when he says that! Can't he see how hard I'm trying? I really need a little respect for how hard this is, and I guess also a little caring for how scared I'm feeling") Sounds to me like you're worried that no matter what you said, you won't be treated fairly?

Q: Father: (silently to himself, "Boy, do I get angry when he says that! Can't he see how hard I'm trying? I really need a little respect for how hard this is, and I guess also a little caring for how scared I'm feeling") Sounds to me like you're worried that no matter what you said, you won't be treated fairly?
Bill: What do you care about treating me fairly? When something happens, you just want someone to punish. Besides, what's the big deal? Even if we did take the car, no one got hurt and it's back where it was. I mean, this is no major crime wave.
Father: [...]
A: Father: (silently to himself, "Boy, do I get angry when he says that! Can't he see how hard I'm trying? I really need a little respect for how hard this is, and I guess also a little caring for how scared I'm feeling") Sounds to me like you're worried that no matter what you said, you won't be treated fairly?
Bill: What do you care about treating me fairly? When something happens, you just want someone to punish. Besides, what's the big deal? Even if we did take the car, no one got hurt and it's back where it was. I mean, this is no major crime wave.
Father: Are you scared there'll be harsh consequences if you admit to taking the car, and you want to trust that you'll be treated justly?

Q: Father: Are you scared there'll be harsh consequences if you admit to taking the car, and you want to trust that you'll be treated justly?
Bill: Yeah.
Father: [...]
A: Father: Are you scared there'll be harsh consequences if you admit to taking the car, and you want to trust that you'll be treated justly?
Bill: Yeah.
Father: (allowing time for silence and the connection to go deeper) What could I do to give you that reassurance?

Q: Father: (allowing time for silence and the connection to go deeper) What could I do to give you that reassurance?
Bill: Promise to never punish me again.
Father: ([...])
A: Father: (allowing time for silence and the connection to go deeper) What could I do to give you that reassurance?
Bill: Promise to never punish me again.
Father: (Aware that punishment will not help Bill develop consciousness around potential consequences of his own behavior, but will only contribute in greater disconnection and resistance, the father expresses willingness to agree to Bill's request)

Q: Father: (allowing time for silence and the connection to go deeper) What could I do to give you that reassurance?
Bill: Promise to never punish me again.
Father: (Aware that punishment will not help Bill develop consciousness around potential consequences of his own behavior, but will only contribute in greater disconnection and resistance, the father expresses willingness to agree to Bill's request) [...]
A: Father: (allowing time for silence and the connection to go deeper) What could I do to give you that reassurance?
Bill: Promise to never punish me again.
Father: (Aware that punishment will not help Bill develop consciousness around potential consequences of his own behavior, but will only contribute in greater disconnection and resistance, the father expresses willingness to agree to Bill's request) I'd be open to that agreement if you agree to stay in dialogue with me. That is, we talk until I'm satisfied you're aware of all the possible consequences of your having taken that car. However, in the future, if it happens that I'm not confident that you see the potential danger of what you're in for, I might still use force--but only in order to protect you.

Q: Father: (Aware that punishment will not help Bill develop consciousness around potential consequences of his own behavior, but will only contribute in greater disconnection and resistance, the father expresses willingness to agree to Bill's request) I'd be open to that agreement if you agree to stay in dialogue with me. That is, we talk until I'm satisfied you're aware of all the possible consequences of your having taken that car. However, in the future, if it happens that I'm not confident that you see the potential danger of what you're in for, I might still use force--but only in order to protect you.
Bill: Wow, great! It really feels good knowing I'm so stupid you have to use force to protect me from myself!
Father: (Losing touch with his own needs, says silently: "[...]
A: Father: (Aware that punishment will not help Bill develop consciousness around potential consequences of his own behavior, but will only contribute in greater disconnection and resistance, the father expresses willingness to agree to Bill's request) I'd be open to that agreement if you agree to stay in dialogue with me. That is, we talk until I'm satisfied you're aware of all the possible consequences of your having taken that car. However, in the future, if it happens that I'm not confident that you see the potential danger of what you're in for, I might still use force--but only in order to protect you.
Bill: Wow, great! It really feels good knowing I'm so stupid you have to use force to protect me from myself!
Father: (Losing touch with his own needs, says silently: "Man there are times when I could just kill the little… I'm so furious when he says things like that! It really doesn't seem like he cares…

Q: Father: (Aware that punishment will not help Bill develop consciousness around potential consequences of his own behavior, but will only contribute in greater disconnection and resistance, the father expresses willingness to agree to Bill's request) I'd be open to that agreement if you agree to stay in dialogue with me. That is, we talk until I'm satisfied you're aware of all the possible consequences of your having taken that car. However, in the future, if it happens that I'm not confident that you see the potential danger of what you're in for, I might still use force--but only in order to protect you.
Bill: Wow, great! It really feels good knowing I'm so stupid you have to use force to protect me from myself!
Father: (Losing touch with his own needs, says silently: "Man there are times when I could just kill the little… I'm so furious when he says things like that! It really doesn't seem like he cares… [...])
A: Father: (Aware that punishment will not help Bill develop consciousness around potential consequences of his own behavior, but will only contribute in greater disconnection and resistance, the father expresses willingness to agree to Bill's request) I'd be open to that agreement if you agree to stay in dialogue with me. That is, we talk until I'm satisfied you're aware of all the possible consequences of your having taken that car. However, in the future, if it happens that I'm not confident that you see the potential danger of what you're in for, I might still use force--but only in order to protect you.
Bill: Wow, great! It really feels good knowing I'm so stupid you have to use force to protect me from myself!
Father: (Losing touch with his own needs, says silently: "Man there are times when I could just kill the little… I'm so furious when he says things like that! It really doesn't seem like he cares… Damn, what am I needing here? I'm needing to know, when I'm working this hard, that at least he cares")

Q: Father: (Aware that punishment will not help Bill develop consciousness around potential consequences of his own behavior, but will only contribute in greater disconnection and resistance, the father expresses willingness to agree to Bill's request) I'd be open to that agreement if you agree to stay in dialogue with me. That is, we talk until I'm satisfied you're aware of all the possible consequences of your having taken that car. However, in the future, if it happens that I'm not confident that you see the potential danger of what you're in for, I might still use force--but only in order to protect you.
Bill: Wow, great! It really feels good knowing I'm so stupid you have to use force to protect me from myself!
Father: (Losing touch with his own needs, says silently: "Man there are times when I could just kill the little… I'm so furious when he says things like that! It really doesn't seem like he cares… Damn, what am I needing here? I'm needing to know, when I'm working this hard, that at least he cares") (Out loud angrily) [...]
A: Father: (Aware that punishment will not help Bill develop consciousness around potential consequences of his own behavior, but will only contribute in greater disconnection and resistance, the father expresses willingness to agree to Bill's request) I'd be open to that agreement if you agree to stay in dialogue with me. That is, we talk until I'm satisfied you're aware of all the possible consequences of your having taken that car. However, in the future, if it happens that I'm not confident that you see the potential danger of what you're in for, I might still use force--but only in order to protect you.
Bill: Wow, great! It really feels good knowing I'm so stupid you have to use force to protect me from myself!
Father: (Losing touch with his own needs, says silently: "Man there are times when I could just kill the little… I'm so furious when he says things like that! It really doesn't seem like he cares… Damn, what am I needing here? I'm needing to know, when I'm working this hard, that at least he cares") (Out loud angrily) You know, Bill, when you say things like that, I get really pissed off. I'm trying so hard to stay with you on this, and when I hear things like that… Look, I need to know if you even want to keep talking to me.

Q: Father: (Losing touch with his own needs, says silently: "Man there are times when I could just kill the little… I'm so furious when he says things like that! It really doesn't seem like he cares… Damn, what am I needing here? I'm needing to know, when I'm working this hard, that at least he cares") (Out loud angrily) You know, Bill, when you say things like that, I get really pissed off. I'm trying so hard to stay with you on this, and when I hear things like that… Look, I need to know if you even want to keep talking to me.
Bill: I don't care.
Father: [...]
A: Father: (Losing touch with his own needs, says silently: "Man there are times when I could just kill the little… I'm so furious when he says things like that! It really doesn't seem like he cares… Damn, what am I needing here? I'm needing to know, when I'm working this hard, that at least he cares") (Out loud angrily) You know, Bill, when you say things like that, I get really pissed off. I'm trying so hard to stay with you on this, and when I hear things like that… Look, I need to know if you even want to keep talking to me.
Bill: I don't care.
Father: Bill, I really want to listen to you rather than fall back into my old habits of blaming and threatening you whenever something comes up that I'm upset about. But when I hear you say things like, "It feels good to know that I'm so stupid" in the tone of voice you just used, I find it hard to control myself. I could use your help on this. That is, if you would rather me listen to you than blame or threaten. Or if not, then, I suppose my other option is to just handle this the way I'm used to handling things.

Q: Father: Bill, I really want to listen to you rather than fall back into my old habits of blaming and threatening you whenever something comes up that I'm upset about. But when I hear you say things like, "It feels good to know that I'm so stupid" in the tone of voice you just used, I find it hard to control myself. I could use your help on this. That is, if you would rather me listen to you than blame or threaten. Or if not, then, I suppose my other option is to just handle this the way I'm used to handling things.
Bill: And what would that be?
Father: [...]
A: Father: Bill, I really want to listen to you rather than fall back into my old habits of blaming and threatening you whenever something comes up that I'm upset about. But when I hear you say things like, "It feels good to know that I'm so stupid" in the tone of voice you just used, I find it hard to control myself. I could use your help on this. That is, if you would rather me listen to you than blame or threaten. Or if not, then, I suppose my other option is to just handle this the way I'm used to handling things.
Bill: And what would that be?
Father: Well, by now I'd probably be saying, "Hey, you're grounded for two years no TV, no car, no money, no dates, no nothing!"

Q: Father: Well, by now I'd probably be saying, "Hey, you're grounded for two years: no TV, no car, no money, no dates, no nothing!"
Bill: Well, guess I want you to do it the new way then.
Father: [...]
A: Father: Well, by now I'd probably be saying, "Hey, you're grounded for two years: no TV, no car, no money, no dates, no nothing!"
Bill: Well, guess I want you to do it the new way then.
Father: (with humor) I'm glad to see that your sense of self-preservation is still intact. Now I need you to tell me whether you're wiling to share some honesty and vulnerability.

Q: Father: (with humor) I'm glad to see that your sense of self-preservation is still intact. Now I need you to tell me whether you're wiling to share some honesty and vulnerability.
Bill: What do you mean by "vulnerability"?
Father: [...]
A: Father: (with humor) I'm glad to see that your sense of self-preservation is still intact. Now I need you to tell me whether you're wiling to share some honesty and vulnerability.
Bill: What do you mean by "vulnerability"?
Father: It means that you tell me what you are really feeling about the things we're talking about, and I tell you the same from my end. (In a firm voice) Are you willing?

Q: Father: It means that you tell me what you are really feeling about the things we're talking about, and I tell you the same from my end. (In a firm voice) Are you willing?
Bill: Okay, I'll try.
Father: [...]
A: Father: It means that you tell me what you are really feeling about the things we're tailing about, and I tell you the same from my end. (In a firm voice) Are you willing?
Bill: Okay, I'll try.
Father: (with sigh of relief) Thank you. I'm grateful for your willingness to try. Did I tell you--Jorge grounded Eva for three months--she won't be allowed to do anything. How do you feel about that?

Q: Father: (with sigh of relief) Thank you. I'm grateful for your willingness to try. Did I tell you--Jorge grounded Eva for three months--she won't be allowed to do anything. How do you feel about that?
Bill: Oh man, what a bummer; that's so unfair!
Father: [...]
A: Father: (with sigh of relief) Thank you. I'm grateful for your willingness to try. Did I tell you--Jorge grounded Eva for three months--she won't be allowed to do anything. How do you feel about that?
Bill: Oh man, what a bummer; that's so unfair!
Father: I'd like to hear how you really feel about it.

Q: Father: I'd like to hear how you really feel about it.
Bill: I told you--it's totally unfair!
Father: (r B i't i t w w h's f, d t g) A y s t s's h t p s m f h m? [...]
A: Father: I'd like to hear how you really feel about it.
Bill: I told you--it's totally unfair!
Father: (realizing Bill isn't in touch with what he's feeling, decides to guess) Are you sad that she's having to pay so much for her mistake?

Q: Father: (realizing Bill isn't in touch with what he's feeling, decides to guess) Are you sad that she's having to pay so much for her mistake?
Bill: No, it's not that. I mean, it wasn't her mistake really.
Father: [...]
A: Father: (realizing Bill isn't in touch with what he's feeling, decides to guess) Are you sad that she's having to pay so much for her mistake?
Bill: No, it's not that. I mean, it wasn't her mistake really.
Father: Oh, so are you upset that she's paying for something that was your idea to start with?

Q: Father: Oh, so are you upset that she's paying for something that was your idea to start with?
Bill: Well, yeah, she just went along with what I told her to do.
Father: [...]
A: Father: Oh, so are you upset that she's paying for something that was your idea to start with?
Bill: Well, yeah, she just went along with what I told her to do.
Father: Sounds to me like you're kind of hurting inside seeing the kind of effect your decision had on Eva.

Q: Father: Sounds to me like you're kind of hurting inside seeing the kind of effect your decision had on Eva.
Bill: Sorta.
Father: [...]
A: Father: Sounds to me like you're kind of hurting inside seeing the kind of effect your decision had on Eva.
Bill: Sorta.
Father: Billy, I really need to know that you are able to see how your actions have consequences.

Q: Father: Billy, I really need to know that you are able to see how your actions have consequences.
Bill: Will, I wasn't thinking about what could have gone wrong. Yeah, I guess I really did screw up bad.
Father: [...]
A: Father: Billy, I really need to know that you are able to see how your actions have consequences.
Bill: Will, I wasn't thinking about what could have gone wrong. Yeah, I guess I really did screw up bad.
Father: I'd rather you see it as something you did that didn't turn out the way you wanted. And I still need reassurance about your being aware of the consequences. Would you tell me what you're feeling right now about what you did?

Q: Father: I'd rather you see it as something you did that didn't turn out the way you wanted. And I still need reassurance about your being aware of the consequences. Would you tell me what you're feeling right now about what you did?
Bill: I feel really stupid, Dad… I didn't mean to hurt anyone.
Father: [...]
A: Father: I'd rather you see it as something you did that didn't turn out the way you wanted. And I still need reassurance about your being aware of the consequences. Would you tell me what you're feeling right now about what you did?
Bill: I feel really stupid, Dad… I didn't mean to hurt anyone.
Father: (translating Bill's self-judgments into feelings and needs) So you're sad, and regret what you did because you'd like to be trusted not to do harm?

Q: Father: (translating Bill's self-judgments into feelings and needs) So you're sad, and regret what you did because you'd like to be trusted not to do harm?
Bill: Yeah, I didn't mean to cause so much trouble. I just didn't think about it.
Father: [...]
A: Father: (translating Bill's self-judgments into feelings and needs) So you're sad, and regret what you did because you'd like to be trusted not to do harm?
Bill: Yeah, I didn't mean to cause so much trouble. I just didn't think about it.
Father: Are you saying you wish you had thought about it more and gotten clearer before you acted?

Q: Father: Are you saying you wish you had thought about it more and gotten clearer before you acted?
Bill: (reflecting) Yeah…
Father: [...]
A: Father: Are you saying you wish you had thought about it more and gotten clearer before you acted?
Bill: (reflecting) Yeah…
Father: Well, it's reassuring for me to hear that, and for there to be some real healing with Jorge, I would like you to go to him and tell him what you just told me. Would you be willing to do that?

Q: Father: Well, it's reassuring for me to hear that, and for there to be some real healing with Jorge, I would like you to go to him and tell him what you just told me. Would you be willing to do that?
Bill: Oh man, that's so scary; he'll be really mad!
Father: [...]
A: Father: Well, it's reassuring for me to hear that, and for there to be some real healing with Jorge, I would like you to go to him and tell him what you just told me. Would you be willing to do that?
Bill: Oh man, that's so scary; he'll be really mad!
Father: Yeah, it's likely he will be. That's one of the consequences. Are you willing to be responsible for your actions? I like Jorge and I want to keep him for a friend, and I'm guessing that you would like to keep your connection with Eva. Is that the case?

Q: Father: Yeah, it's likely he will be. That's one of the consequences. Are you willing to be responsible for your actions? I like Jorge and I want to keep him for a friend, and I'm guessing that you would like to keep your connection with Eva. Is that the case?
Bill: She's one of my best friends.
Father: [...]
A: Father: Yeah, it's likely he will be. That's one of the consequences. Are you willing to be responsible for your actions? I like Jorge and I want to keep him for a friend, and I'm guessing that you would like to keep your connection with Eva. Is that the case?
Bill: She's one of my best friends.
Father: So shall we go see them?

Q: Father: So shall we go see them?
Bill: (fearfully and reluctantly) Well… Okay. Yeah, I guess so.
Father: [...]
A: Father: So shall we go see them?
Bill: (fearfully and reluctantly) Well… Okay. Yeah, I guess so.
Father: Are you scared and needing to know that you will be safe if you go there?

Q: Father: Are you scared and needing to know that you will be safe if you go there?
Bill: Yeah.
Father: [...]
A: Father: Are you scared and needing to know that you will be safe if you go there?
Bill: Yeah.
Father: We'll go together: I'll be there for you and with you. I'm really proud that you're willing.

Q: The [...] the protective use of force is only to protect, not to punish, blame, or condem.
A: The intention behind the protective use of force is only to protect, not to punish, blame, or condem.

Q: The intention behind [...] is only to protect, not to punish, blame, or condem.
A: The intention behind the protective use of force is only to protect, not to punish, blame, or condem.

Q: The intention behind the protective use of force is only to [...], not to punish, blame, or condem.
A: The intention behind the protective use of force is only to protect, not to punish, blame, or condem.

Q: The intention behind the protective use of force is only to protect, not to [...], blame, or condem.
A: The intention behind the protective use of force is only to protect, not to punish, blame, or condem.

Q: The intention behind the protective use of force is only to protect, not to punish, [...], or condem.
A: The intention behind the protective use of force is only to protect, not to punish, blame, or condem.

Q: The intention behind the protective use of force is only to protect, not to punish, blame, or [...].
A: The intention behind the protective use of force is only to protect, not to punish, blame, or condem.

Q: [...] corporal punishment obscures children's awareness of the compassion underlying parental demands.
A: Fear of corporal punishment obscures children's awareness of the compassion underlying parental demands.

Q: Fear of [...] obscures children's awareness of the compassion underlying parental demands.
A: Fear of corporal punishment obscures children's awareness of the compassion underlying parental demands.

Q: Fear of corporal punishment [...] the compassion underlying parental demands.
A: Fear of corporal punishment obscures children's awareness of the compassion underlying parental demands.

Q: Fear of corporal punishment obscures children's awareness of [...].
A: Fear of corporal punishment obscures children's awareness of the compassion underlying parental demands.

Q: [...] also includes judgmental labeling and the withholding of privileges.
A: Punishment also includes judgmental labeling and the withholding of privileges.

Q: Punishment also includes [...] and the withholding of privileges.
A: Punishment also includes judgmental labeling and the withholding of privileges.

Q: Punishment also includes judgmental labeling and [...].
A: Punishment also includes judgmental labeling and the withholding of privileges.

Q: When we [...], we focus on consequences, not our own values.
A: When we fear punishment, we focus on consequences, not our own values.

Q: When we fear punishment, we [...] consequences, not our own values.
A: When we fear punishment, we focus on consequences, not our own values.

Q: When we fear punishment, we focus on [...], not our own values.
A: When we fear punishment, we focus on consequences, not our own values.

Q: When we fear punishment, we focus on consequences, not [...].
A: When we fear punishment, we focus on consequences, not our own values.

Q: [...] diminishes self-esteem and goodwill.
A: Fear of punishment diminishes self-esteem and goodwill.

Q: Fear of punishment [...] self-esteem and goodwill.
A: Fear of punishment diminishes self-esteem and goodwill.

Q: Fear of punishment diminishes [...] and goodwill.
A: Fear of punishment diminishes self-esteem and goodwill.

Q: Fear of punishment diminishes self-esteem and [...].
A: Fear of punishment diminishes self-esteem and goodwill.

Q: [...]:
1. What do I want this person to do?
2. What do I want this person's reasons to be for doing it?
A: two questions that reveal the limitations of punishment:
1. What do I want this person to do?
2. What do I want this person's reasons to be for doing it?

Q: two questions that reveal the limitations of punishment:
1. [...]
2. What do I want this person's reasons to be for doing it?
A: two questions that reveal the limitations of punishment:
1. What do I want this person to do?
2. What do I want this person's reasons to be for doing it?

Q: two questions that reveal the limitations of punishment:
1. What do I want this person to do?
2. [...]
A: two questions that reveal the limitations of punishment:
1. What do I want this person to do?
2. What do I want this person's reasons to be for doing it?

Q: When [...] have each had an opportunity to fully express what they are observing, feeling, needing, and requesting—and each has empathized with the other—a resolution can usually be reached that meets the needs of both sides.
A: When two disputing parties have each had an opportunity to fully express what they are observing, feeling, needing, and requesting—and each has empathized with the other—a resolution can usually be reached that meets the needs of both sides.

Q: When two disputing parties have each had an opportunity to [...] what they are observing, feeling, needing, and requesting—and each has empathized with the other—a resolution can usually be reached that meets the needs of both sides.
A: When two disputing parties have each had an opportunity to fully express what they are observing, feeling, needing, and requesting—and each has empathized with the other—a resolution can usually be reached that meets the needs of both sides.

Q: When two disputing parties have each had an opportunity to fully express what they are [...]—and each has empathized with the other—a resolution can usually be reached that meets the needs of both sides.
A: When two disputing parties have each had an opportunity to fully express what they are observing, feeling, needing, and requesting—and each has empathized with the other—a resolution can usually be reached that meets the needs of both sides.

Q: When two disputing parties have each had an opportunity to fully express what they are observing, feeling, needing, and requesting—and [...]—a resolution can usually be reached that meets the needs of both sides.
A: When two disputing parties have each had an opportunity to fully express what they are observing, feeling, needing, and requesting—and each has empathized with the other—a resolution can usually be reached that meets the needs of both sides.

Q: When two disputing parties have each had an opportunity to fully express what they are observing, feeling, needing, and requesting—and each has empathized with the other—[...].
A: When two disputing parties have each had an opportunity to fully express what they are observing, feeling, needing, and requesting—and each has empathized with the other—a resolution can usually be reached that meets the needs of both sides.

Q: In some situations, the [...], and the use of force may be necessary to protect life or individual rights.
A: In some situations, the opportunity for such dialogue may not exist, and the use of force may be necessary to protect life or individual rights.

Q: In some situations, the opportunity for such dialogue may not exist, and [...] to protect life or individual rights.
A: In some situations, the opportunity for such dialogue may not exist, and the use of force may be necessary to protect life or individual rights.

Q: In some situations, the opportunity for such dialogue may not exist, and the use of force may be necessary to [...] or individual rights.
A: In some situations, the opportunity for such dialogue may not exist, and the use of force may be necessary to protect life or individual rights.

Q: In some situations, the opportunity for such dialogue may not exist, and the use of force may be necessary to protect life or [...].
A: In some situations, the opportunity for such dialogue may not exist, and the use of force may be necessary to protect life or individual rights.

Q: For instance, the other party may be [...], or imminent danger may not allow time for communication. In these situations, we may need to resort to force.
A: For instance, the other party may be unwilling to communicate, or imminent danger may not allow time for communication. In these situations, we may need to resort to force.

Q: For instance, the other party may be unwilling to communicate, or [...] may not allow time for communication. In these situations, we may need to resort to force.
A: For instance, the other party may be unwilling to communicate, or imminent danger may not allow time for communication. In these situations, we may need to resort to force.

Q: For instance, the other party may be unwilling to communicate, or imminent danger [...]. In these situations, we may need to resort to force.
A: For instance, the other party may be unwilling to communicate, or imminent danger may not allow time for communication. In these situations, we may need to resort to force.

Q: For instance, the other party may be unwilling to communicate, or imminent danger may not allow time for communication. In these situations, we [...].
A: For instance, the other party may be unwilling to communicate, or imminent danger may not allow time for communication. In these situations, we may need to resort to force.

Q: [...] requires us to differentiate between the protective and the punitive uses of force.
A: NVC requires us to differentiate between the protective and the punitive uses of force.

Q: NVC [...] between the protective and the punitive uses of force.
A: NVC requires us to differentiate between the protective and the punitive uses of force.

Q: NVC requires us to differentiate between the [...] and the punitive uses of force.
A: NVC requires us to differentiate between the protective and the punitive uses of force.

Q: NVC requires us to differentiate between the protective and the [...] uses of force.
A: NVC requires us to differentiate between the protective and the punitive uses of force.

Q: NVC requires us to differentiate between the protective and the punitive [...].
A: NVC requires us to differentiate between the protective and the punitive uses of force.

Q: The [...] the protective use of force is to prevent injury or injustice.
A: The intention behind the protective use of force is to prevent injury or injustice.

Q: The intention behind [...] is to prevent injury or injustice.
A: The intention behind the protective use of force is to prevent injury or injustice.

Q: The intention behind the protective use of force is to [...].
A: The intention behind the protective use of force is to prevent injury or injustice.

Q: The [...] the punitive use of force is to cause individuals to suffer for their perceived misdeeds.
A: The intention behind the punitive use of force is to cause individuals to suffer for their perceived misdeeds.

Q: The intention behind [...] is to cause individuals to suffer for their perceived misdeeds.
A: The intention behind the punitive use of force is to cause individuals to suffer for their perceived misdeeds.

Q: The intention behind the punitive use of force is to [...].
A: The intention behind the punitive use of force is to cause individuals to suffer for their perceived misdeeds.

Q: When we [...], we are focusing on the life or rights we want to protect without passing judgment on either the person or the behavior.
A: When we exercise the protective use of force, we are focusing on the life or rights we want to protect without passing judgment on either the person or the behavior.

Q: When we exercise the protective use of force, we are focusing on [...] without passing judgment on either the person or the behavior.
A: When we exercise the protective use of force, we are focusing on the life or rights we want to protect without passing judgment on either the person or the behavior.

Q: When we exercise the protective use of force, we are focusing on the life or rights we want to protect without [...] on either the person or the behavior.
A: When we exercise the protective use of force, we are focusing on the life or rights we want to protect without passing judgment on either the person or the behavior.

Q: When we exercise the protective use of force, we are focusing on the life or rights we want to protect without passing judgment on either the [...] or the behavior.
A: When we exercise the protective use of force, we are focusing on the life or rights we want to protect without passing judgment on either the person or the behavior.

Q: When we exercise the protective use of force, we are focusing on the life or rights we want to protect without passing judgment on either the person or the [...].
A: When we exercise the protective use of force, we are focusing on the life or rights we want to protect without passing judgment on either the person or the behavior.

Q: The [...] the protective use of force is that people behave in ways injurious to themselves and others due to some form of ignorance.
A: The assumption behind the protective use of force is that people behave in ways injurious to themselves and others due to some form of ignorance.

Q: The assumption behind [...] is that people behave in ways injurious to themselves and others due to some form of ignorance.
A: The assumption behind the protective use of force is that people behave in ways injurious to themselves and others due to some form of ignorance.

Q: The assumption behind the protective use of force is that people [...] injurious to themselves and others due to some form of ignorance.
A: The assumption behind the protective use of force is that people behave in ways injurious to themselves and others due to some form of ignorance.

Q: The assumption behind the protective use of force is that people behave in ways [...] to themselves and others due to some form of ignorance.
A: The assumption behind the protective use of force is that people behave in ways injurious to themselves and others due to some form of ignorance.

Q: The assumption behind the protective use of force is that people behave in ways injurious to [...] due to some form of ignorance.
A: The assumption behind the protective use of force is that people behave in ways injurious to themselves and others due to some form of ignorance.

Q: The assumption behind the protective use of force is that people behave in ways injurious to themselves and others due to [...].
A: The assumption behind the protective use of force is that people behave in ways injurious to themselves and others due to some form of ignorance.

Q: The [...] is therefore one of education, not punishment.
A: The corrective process is therefore one of education, not punishment.

Q: The corrective process is therefore one of [...], not punishment.
A: The corrective process is therefore one of education, not punishment.

Q: The corrective process is therefore one of education, not [...].
A: The corrective process is therefore one of education, not punishment.

Q: [...] includes
(a) a lack of awareness of the consequences of our actions,
(b) an inability to see how our needs may be met without injury to others,
(c) the belief that we have the "right" to punish or hurt others because they "deserve" it, and
(d) delusional thinking that involves, for example, hearing a "voice" that instructs us to kill someone.
A: Ignorance includes
(a) a lack of awareness of the consequences of our actions,
(b) an inability to see how our needs may be met without injury to others,
(c) the belief that we have the "right" to punish or hurt others because they "deserve" it, and
(d) delusional thinking that involves, for example, hearing a "voice" that instructs us to kill someone.

Q: Ignorance includes
(a) [...]
(b) an inability to see how our needs may be met without injury to others,
(c) the belief that we have the "right" to punish or hurt others because they "deserve" it, and
(d) delusional thinking that involves, for example, hearing a "voice" that instructs us to kill someone.
A: Ignorance includes
(a) a lack of awareness of the consequences of our actions,
(b) an inability to see how our needs may be met without injury to others,
(c) the belief that we have the "right" to punish or hurt others because they "deserve" it, and
(d) delusional thinking that involves, for example, hearing a "voice" that instructs us to kill someone.

Q: Ignorance includes
(a) a lack of awareness of the consequences of our actions,
(b) [...]
(c) the belief that we have the "right" to punish or hurt others because they "deserve" it, and
(d) delusional thinking that involves, for example, hearing a "voice" that instructs us to kill someone.
A: Ignorance includes
(a) a lack of awareness of the consequences of our actions,
(b) an inability to see how our needs may be met without injury to others,
(c) the belief that we have the "right" to punish or hurt others because they "deserve" it, and
(d) delusional thinking that involves, for example, hearing a "voice" that instructs us to kill someone.

Q: Ignorance includes
(a) a lack of awareness of the consequences of our actions,
(b) an inability to see how our needs may be met without injury to others,
(c) [...]
(d) delusional thinking that involves, for example, hearing a "voice" that instructs us to kill someone.
A: Ignorance includes
(a) a lack of awareness of the consequences of our actions,
(b) an inability to see how our needs may be met without injury to others,
(c) the belief that we have the "right" to punish or hurt others because they "deserve" it, and
(d) delusional thinking that involves, for example, hearing a "voice" that instructs us to kill someone.

Q: Ignorance includes
(a) a lack of awareness of the consequences of our actions,
(b) an inability to see how our needs may be met without injury to others,
(c) the belief that we have the "right" to punish or hurt others because they "deserve" it, and
(d) [...]
A: Ignorance includes
(a) a lack of awareness of the consequences of our actions,
(b) an inability to see how our needs may be met without injury to others,
(c) the belief that we have the "right" to punish or hurt others because they "deserve" it, and
(d) delusional thinking that involves, for example, hearing a "voice" that instructs us to kill someone.

Q: [...], on the other hand, is based on the assumption that people commit offenses because they are bad or evil, and to correct the situation, they need to be made to repent.
A: Punitive action, on the other hand, is based on the assumption that people commit offenses because they are bad or evil, and to correct the situation, they need to be made to repent.

Q: Punitive action, on the other hand, is based on [...] that people commit offenses because they are bad or evil, and to correct the situation, they need to be made to repent.
A: Punitive action, on the other hand, is based on the assumption that people commit offenses because they are bad or evil, and to correct the situation, they need to be made to repent.

Q: Punitive action, on the other hand, is based on the assumption that [...] because they are bad or evil, and to correct the situation, they need to be made to repent.
A: Punitive action, on the other hand, is based on the assumption that people commit offenses because they are bad or evil, and to correct the situation, they need to be made to repent.

Q: Punitive action, on the other hand, is based on the assumption that people commit offenses because [...], and to correct the situation, they need to be made to repent.
A: Punitive action, on the other hand, is based on the assumption that people commit offenses because they are bad or evil, and to correct the situation, they need to be made to repent.

Q: Punitive action, on the other hand, is based on the assumption that people commit offenses because they are bad or evil, and to [...] (not see the error of their ways), they need to be made to repent.
A: Punitive action, on the other hand, is based on the assumption that people commit offenses because they are bad or evil, and to correct the situation, they need to be made to repent.

Q: Punitive action, on the other hand, is based on the assumption that people commit offenses because they are bad or evil, and to correct the situation, they [...].
A: Punitive action, on the other hand, is based on the assumption that people commit offenses because they are bad or evil, and to correct the situation, they need to be made to repent.

Q: Their "[...]" is undertaken through punitive action designed to make them (1) suffer enough to see the error of their ways, (2) repent, and (3) change.
A: Their "correction" is undertaken through punitive action designed to make them (1) suffer enough to see the error of their ways, (2) repent, and (3) change.

Q: Their "correction" is [...] punitive action designed to make them (1) suffer enough to see the error of their ways, (2) repent, and (3) change.
A: Their "correction" is undertaken through punitive action designed to make them (1) suffer enough to see the error of their ways, (2) repent, and (3) change.

Q: Their "correction" is undertaken through [...] designed to make them (1) suffer enough to see the error of their ways, (2) repent, and (3) change.
A: Their "correction" is undertaken through punitive action designed to make them (1) suffer enough to see the error of their ways, (2) repent, and (3) change.

Q: Their "correction" is undertaken through punitive action [...] (1) suffer enough to see the error of their ways, (2) repent, and (3) change.
A: Their "correction" is undertaken through punitive action designed to make them (1) suffer enough to see the error of their ways, (2) repent, and (3) change.

Q: Their "correction" is undertaken through punitive action designed to make them (1) [...], (2) repent, and (3) change.
A: Their "correction" is undertaken through punitive action designed to make them (1) suffer enough to see the error of their ways, (2) repent, and (3) change.

Q: Their "correction" is undertaken through punitive action designed to make them (1) suffer enough to see the error of their ways, (2) [...], and (3) change.
A: Their "correction" is undertaken through punitive action designed to make them (1) suffer enough to see the error of their ways, (2) repent, and (3) change.

Q: Their "correction" is undertaken through punitive action designed to make them (1) suffer enough to see the error of their ways, (2) repent, and (3) [...].
A: Their "correction" is undertaken through punitive action designed to make them (1) suffer enough to see the error of their ways, (2) repent, and (3) change.

Q: [...], however, punitive action, rather than evoking repentance and learning, is just as likely to generate resentment and hostility and to reinforce resistance to the very behavior we are seeking.
A: In practice, however, punitive action, rather than evoking repentance and learning, is just as likely to generate resentment and hostility and to reinforce resistance to the very behavior we are seeking.

Q: In practice, however, [...], rather than evoking repentance and learning, is just as likely to generate resentment and hostility and to reinforce resistance to the very behavior we are seeking.
A: In practice, however, punitive action, rather than evoking repentance and learning, is just as likely to generate resentment and hostility and to reinforce resistance to the very behavior we are seeking.

Q: In practice, however, punitive action, rather than [...], is just as likely to generate resentment and hostility and to reinforce resistance to the very behavior we are seeking.
A: In practice, however, punitive action, rather than evoking repentance and learning, is just as likely to generate resentment and hostility and to reinforce resistance to the very behavior we are seeking.

Q: In practice, however, punitive action, rather than evoking repentance and learning, is [...] generate resentment and hostility and to reinforce resistance to the very behavior we are seeking.
A: In practice, however, punitive action, rather than evoking repentance and learning, is just as likely to generate resentment and hostility and to reinforce resistance to the very behavior we are seeking.

Q: In practice, however, punitive action, rather than evoking repentance and learning, is just as likely to [...] and to reinforce resistance to the very behavior we are seeking.
A: In practice, however, punitive action, rather than evoking repentance and learning, is just as likely to generate resentment and hostility and to reinforce resistance to the very behavior we are seeking.

Q: In practice, however, punitive action, rather than evoking repentance and learning, is just as likely to generate resentment and hostility and to [...] to the very behavior we are seeking.
A: In practice, however, punitive action, rather than evoking repentance and learning, is just as likely to generate resentment and hostility and to reinforce resistance to the very behavior we are seeking.

Q: In practice, however, punitive action, rather than evoking repentance and learning, is just as likely to generate resentment and hostility and to reinforce resistance to [...].
A: In practice, however, punitive action, rather than evoking repentance and learning, is just as likely to generate resentment and hostility and to reinforce resistance to the very behavior we are seeking.

Q: how MR starts a dialogue with students about how he wants to figure out what to do in their school
A: MBR: (Expressing my feeling and needs without asking probing questions.) I'm very upset about the teachers' reports that things are getting out of hand in many of the classes. I want very much for this school to be successful. I'm hopeful that you can help me understand what the problems are and what can be done about them.

Q: MBR: (Expressing my feeling and needs without asking probing questions.) I'm very upset about the teachers' reports that things are getting out of hand in many of the classes. I want very much for this school to be successful. I'm hopeful that you can help me understand what the problems are and what can be done about them.
Will: The teachers in this school—they fools, man!
MBR: [...]
A: MBR: (Expressing my feeling and needs without asking probing questions.) I'm very upset about the teachers' reports that things are getting out of hand in many of the classes. I want very much for this school to be successful. I'm hopeful that you can help me understand what the problems are and what can be done about them.
Will: The teachers in this school—they fools, man!
MBR: Are you saying, Will, that you are disgusted with the teachers and you want them to change some things they do?

Q: MBR: Are you saying, Will, that you are disgusted with the teachers and you want them to change some things they do?
Will: No, man, they is fools because they just stand around and don't do nothin'.
MBR: [...]
A: MBR: Are you saying, Will, that you are disgusted with the teachers and you want them to change some things they do?
Will: No, man, they is fools because they just stand around and don't do nothin'.
MBR: You mean you're disgusted because you want them to do more when problems happen. (This is a second attempt to receive the feelings and wants.)

Q: MBR: You mean you're disgusted because you want them to do more when problems happen. (This is a second attempt to receive the feelings and wants.)
Will: That's right, man. No matter what anybody do they just stand there smilin' like fools.
MBR: [...]
A: MBR: You mean you're disgusted because you want them to do more when problems happen. (This is a second attempt to receive the feelings and wants.)
Will: That's right, man. No matter what anybody do they just stand there smilin' like fools.
MBR: Would you be willing to give me an example of how the teachers do nothing?

Q: MBR: Would you be willing to give me an example of how the teachers do nothing?
Will: Easy. Just this morning a dude walks in wearin' a bottle of Wild Turkey on his hip pocket plain as day. Everybody seen it; the teacher, she seen it but she's lookin' the other way.
MBR: [...]
A: MBR: Would you be willing to give me an example of how the teachers do nothing?
Will: Easy. Just this morning a dude walks in wearin' a bottle of Wild Turkey on his hip pocket plain as day. Everybody seen it; the teacher, she seen it but she's lookin' the other way.
MBR: It sounds to me, then, that you don't have respect for the teachers when they stand around doing nothing. You'd like them to do something. (This is a continued attempt to fully understand.)

Q: MBR: It sounds to me, then, that you don't have respect for the teachers when they stand around doing nothing. You'd like them to do something. (This is a continued attempt to fully understand.)
Will: Yeah.
MBR: [...]
A: MBR: It sounds to me, then, that you don't have respect for the teachers when they stand around doing nothing. You'd like them to do something. (This is a continued attempt to fully understand.)
Will: Yeah.
MBR: I feel disappointed because I want them to be able to work things out with students but it sounds like I wasn't able to show them what I meant.

Q: MBR: I feel disappointed because I want them to be able to work things out with students but it sounds like I wasn't able to show them what I meant.
The discussion then turned to one particularly pressing problem, that of students who didn't want to work disturbing those who did.
MBR: [...]
A: MBR: I feel disappointed because I want them to be able to work things out with students but it sounds like I wasn't able to show them what I meant.
The discussion then turned to one particularly pressing problem, that of students who didn't want to work disturbing those who did.
MBR: I'm anxious to try to solve this problem because the teachers tell me it's the one that bothers them the most. I would appreciate your sharing whatever ideas you have with me.

Q: MBR: I'm anxious to try to solve this problem because the teachers tell me it's the one that bothers them the most. I would appreciate your sharing whatever ideas you have with me.
Joe: The teacher got to get a rattan (a stick covered with leather that was carried by some principals in St. Louis to administer corporal punishment).
MBR: [...]
A: MBR: I'm anxious to try to solve this problem because the teachers tell me it's the one that bothers them the most. I would appreciate your sharing whatever ideas you have with me.
Joe: The teacher got to get a rattan (a stick covered with leather that was carried by some principals in St. Louis to administer corporal punishment).
MBR: So you're saying, Joe, that you want the teachers to hit students when they bother others.

Q: MBR: So you're saying, Joe, that you want the teachers to hit students when they bother others.
Joe: That's the only way students gonna stop playing the fool.
MBR: [...]
A: MBR: So you're saying, Joe, that you want the teachers to hit students when they bother others.
Joe: That's the only way students gonna stop playing the fool.
MBR: So you doubt that any other way would work. (Still trying to receive Joe's feelings.)

Q: MBR: So you doubt that any other way would work. (Still trying to receive Joe's feelings.)
Joe: (Nods agreement.)
MBR: [...]
A: MBR: So you doubt that any other way would work. (Still trying to receive Joe's feelings.)
Joe: (Nods agreement.)
MBR: I'm discouraged if that's the only way. I hate that way of settling things and want to learn other ways.

Q: MBR: I'm discouraged if that's the only way. I hate that way of settling things and want to learn other ways.
Ed: Why?
MBR: [...]
A: MBR: I'm discouraged if that's the only way. I hate that way of settling things and want to learn other ways.
Ed: Why?
MBR: Several reasons. Like if I get you to stop horsing around in school by using the rattan, I'd like you to tell me what happens if three or four of you that I've hit in class are out by my car when I go home.

Q: MBR: Several reasons. Like if I get you to stop horsing around in school by using the rattan, I'd like you to tell me what happens if three or four of you that I've hit in class are out by my car when I go home.
Ed: (Smiling) Then you better have a big stick, man!
MBR: [...]
A: MBR: Several reasons. Like if I get you to stop horsing around in school by using the rattan, I'd like you to tell me what happens if three or four of you that I've hit in class are out by my car when I go home.
Ed: (Smiling) Then you better have a big stick, man!
MBR: (Feeling certain I understood Ed's message and certain he knew I understood, I continue without paraphrasing it.) That's what I mean. I'd like you to see I'm bothered about that way of settling things. I'm too absentminded to always remember to carry a big stick, and even if I remembered, I would hate to hit someone with it.

Q: MBR: (Feeling certain I understood Ed's message and certain he knew I understood, I continue without paraphrasing it.) That's what I mean. I'd like you to see I'm bothered about that way of settling things. I'm too absentminded to always remember to carry a big stick, and even if I remembered, I would hate to hit someone with it.
Ed: You could kick the cat out of school.
MBR: [...]
A: MBR: (Feeling certain I understood Ed's message and certain he knew I understood, I continue without paraphrasing it.) That's what I mean. I'd like you to see I'm bothered about that way of settling things. I'm too absentminded to always remember to carry a big stick, and even if I remembered, I would hate to hit someone with it.
Ed: You could kick the cat out of school.
MBR: You're suggesting, Ed, that you would like us to suspend or expel kids from the school?

Q: MBR: You're suggesting, Ed, that you would like us to suspend or expel kids from the school?
Ed: Yeah.
MBR: [...]
A: MBR: You're suggesting, Ed, that you would like us to suspend or expel kids from the school?
Ed: Yeah.
MBR: I'm discouraged with that idea, too. I want to show that there are other ways of solving differences in school without kicking people out. I'd feel like a failure if that was the best we could do.

Q: MBR: I'm discouraged with that idea, too. I want to show that there are other ways of solving differences in school without kicking people out. I'd feel like a failure if that was the best we could do.
Will: If a dude ain't doin' nothing, how come you can't put him in a do-nothin' room?
MBR: [...]
A: MBR: I'm discouraged with that idea, too. I want to show that there are other ways of solving differences in school without kicking people out. I'd feel like a failure if that was the best we could do.
Will: If a dude ain't doin' nothing, how come you can't put him in a do-nothin' room?
MBR: Are you suggesting, Will, that you would like to have a room to send people to if they bother other students?

Q: MBR: Are you suggesting, Will, that you would like to have a room to send people to if they bother other students?
Will: That's right. No use they bein' in class if they ain't doin' nothin'.
MBR: [...]
A: MBR: Are you suggesting, Will, that you would like to have a room to send people to if they bother other students? Will: That's right. No use they bein' in class if they ain't doin' nothin'.
MBR: I'm very interested in that idea. I'd like to hear how you think such a room might work.

Q: MBR: I'm very interested in that idea. I'd like to hear how you think such a room might work.
Will: Sometimes you come to school and just feel evil: you don't want to do nothin'. So we just have a room students go to till they feel like doin' somethin'.
MBR: [...]
A: MBR: I'm very interested in that idea. I'd like to hear how you think such a room might work.
Will: Sometimes you come to school and just feel evil: you don't want to do nothin'. So we just have a room students go to till they feel like doin' somethin'.
MBR: I understand what you are saying, but I'm anticipating that the teacher will be concerned about whether the students will go willingly to the do-nothing room.

Q: We can [...] from cultural programming.
A: We can liberate ourselves from cultural programming.

Q: We can liberate ourselves from [...].
A: We can liberate ourselves from cultural programming.

Q: To be able to [...] and to empathize with them can free us from depression.
A: To be able to hear our own feelings and needs and to empathize with them can free us from depression.

Q: To be able to hear our own feelings and needs and to [...] can free us from depression.
A: To be able to hear our own feelings and needs and to empathize with them can free us from depression.

Q: To be able to hear our own feelings and needs and to empathize with them can [...] depression.
A: To be able to hear our own feelings and needs and to empathize with them can free us from depression.

Q: To be able to hear our own feelings and needs and to empathize with them can free us from [...].
A: To be able to hear our own feelings and needs and to empathize with them can free us from depression.

Q: [...] what we want to do rather than on what went wrong.
A: Focus on what we want to do rather than on what went wrong.

Q: Focus on what [...] rather than on what went wrong.
A: Focus on what we want to do rather than on what went wrong.

Q: Focus on what we want to do rather than on [...].
A: Focus on what we want to do rather than on what went wrong.

Q: [...] stress by hearing our own feelings and needs.
A: Defuse stress by hearing our own feelings and needs.

Q: Defuse [...] by hearing our own feelings and needs.
A: Defuse stress by hearing our own feelings and needs.

Q: Defuse stress by [...]. (not empathizing with others)
A: Defuse stress by hearing our own feelings and needs.

Q: [...] stress by empathizing with others.
A: Defuse stress by empathizing with others.

Q: Defuse [...] by empathizing with others.
A: Defuse stress by empathizing with others.

Q: Defuse stress by [...]. (not hearing our own feelings and needs)
A: Defuse stress by empathizing with others.

Q: I [...] clients instead of interpreting them; I revealed myself instead of diagnosing them.
A: I empathized with clients instead of interpreting them; I revealed myself instead of diagnosing them.

Q: I empathized with clients instead of [...]; I revealed myself instead of diagnosing them.
A: I empathized with clients instead of interpreting them; I revealed myself instead of diagnosing them.

Q: I empathized with clients instead of interpreting them; I [...] instead of diagnosing them.
A: I empathized with clients instead of interpreting them; I revealed myself instead of diagnosing them.

Q: I empathized with clients instead of interpreting them; I revealed myself instead of [...].
A: I empathized with clients instead of interpreting them; I revealed myself instead of diagnosing them.

Q: NVC [...] internal communication by helping us translate negative internal messages into feelings and needs.
A: NVC enhances internal communication by helping us translate negative internal messages into feelings and needs.

Q: NVC enhances [...] by helping us translate negative internal messages into feelings and needs.
A: NVC enhances internal communication by helping us translate negative internal messages into feelings and needs.

Q: NVC enhances internal communication by helping us [...] negative internal messages into feelings and needs.
A: NVC enhances internal communication by helping us translate negative internal messages into feelings and needs.

Q: NVC enhances internal communication by helping us translate [...] into feelings and needs.
A: NVC enhances internal communication by helping us translate negative internal messages into feelings and needs.

Q: NVC enhances internal communication by helping us translate negative internal messages into [...].
A: NVC enhances internal communication by helping us translate negative internal messages into feelings and needs.

Q: We can replace "[...]" with NVC and recognize the existence of choice in all our actions.
A: We can replace "dream-killing language" with NVC and recognize the existence of choice in all our actions.

Q: We can replace "dream-killing language" with [...] and recognize the existence of choice in all our actions.
A: We can replace "dream-killing language" with NVC and recognize the existence of choice in all our actions.

Q: We can replace "dream-killing language" with NVC and [...] in all our actions.
A: We can replace "dream-killing language" with NVC and recognize the existence of choice in all our actions.

Q: We can replace "dream-killing language" with NVC and recognize the existence of choice in [...].
A: We can replace "dream-killing language" with NVC and recognize the existence of choice in all our actions.

Q: By showing us how to [...] rather than on what is wrong with others or ourselves, NVC gives us the tools and understanding to create a more peaceful state of mind.
A: By showing us how to focus on what we truly want rather than on what is wrong with others or ourselves, NVC gives us the tools and understanding to create a more peaceful state of mind.

Q: By showing us how to focus on what we truly want rather than on [...], NVC gives us the tools and understanding to create a more peaceful state of mind.
A: By showing us how to focus on what we truly want rather than on what is wrong with others or ourselves, NVC gives us the tools and understanding to create a more peaceful state of mind.

Q: By showing us how to focus on what we truly want rather than on what is wrong with others or ourselves, [...] gives us the tools and understanding to create a more peaceful state of mind.
A: By showing us how to focus on what we truly want rather than on what is wrong with others or ourselves, NVC gives us the tools and understanding to create a more peaceful state of mind.

Q: By showing us how to focus on what we truly want rather than on what is wrong with others or ourselves, NVC gives us the [...] to create a more peaceful state of mind.
A: By showing us how to focus on what we truly want rather than on what is wrong with others or ourselves, NVC gives us the tools and understanding to create a more peaceful state of mind.

Q: By showing us how to focus on what we truly want rather than on what is wrong with others or ourselves, NVC gives us the tools and understanding to create a [...].
A: By showing us how to focus on what we truly want rather than on what is wrong with others or ourselves, NVC gives us the tools and understanding to create a more peaceful state of mind.

Q: [...] may also use NVC to engender relationships with clients that are mutual and authentic.
A: Professionals in counseling and psychotherapy may also use NVC to engender relationships with clients that are mutual and authentic.

Q: Professionals in counseling and psychotherapy may also [...] to engender relationships with clients that are mutual and authentic.
A: Professionals in counseling and psychotherapy may also use NVC to engender relationships with clients that are mutual and authentic.

Q: Professionals in counseling and psychotherapy may also use NVC to engender relationships with clients that are [...] and [...].
A: Professionals in counseling and psychotherapy may also use NVC to engender relationships with clients that are mutual and authentic.

Q: Drawing [...] into the light of consciousness is a key step in breaking its hold on us.
A: Drawing our cultural conditioning into the light of consciousness is a key step in breaking its hold on us.

Q: Drawing our cultural conditioning [...] is a key step in breaking its hold on us.
A: Drawing our cultural conditioning into the light of consciousness is a key step in breaking its hold on us.

Q: Drawing our cultural conditioning into the light of consciousness is [...] in breaking its hold on us.
A: Drawing our cultural conditioning into the light of consciousness is a key step in breaking its hold on us.

Q: Drawing our cultural conditioning into the light of consciousness is a key step in [...].
A: Drawing our cultural conditioning into the light of consciousness is a key step in breaking its hold on us.

Q: convert: I should do something more with my life.  I'm wasting my education and talents.
A: When I spend as much time at home with the children as I do without practicing my profession, I feel depressed and discouraged because I am needing the fulfillment I once had in my profession.  Therefore, I would now lke to find part-time work in my profession.

Q: convert: You're being unrealistic.  You're a mother of two children and can't handle that responsibilty, so how can you handle anything else?
A: When I imagine going to work, I feel scared because I'm needing reassurance that the children will be well taken care of.  Therefore, I now would like to plan how to provide high-quality child care while I work and how to find sufficient time to be with the children when I am not tired.

Q: how to restate the thoughts of voices infested with judgmental terms and phrases:
A: When a, I feel b, because I am needing c.  Therefore I would now like d.

Q: When we are [...] in critical, blaming, or angry thoughts, it is difficult to establish a healthy internal environment for ourselves.
A: When we are entangled in critical, blaming, or angry thoughts, it is difficult to establish a healthy internal environment for ourselves.

Q: When we are entangled in [...], blaming, or angry thoughts, it is difficult to establish a healthy internal environment for ourselves.
A: When we are entangled in critical, blaming, or angry thoughts, it is difficult to establish a healthy internal environment for ourselves.

Q: When we are entangled in critical, [...], or angry thoughts, it is difficult to establish a healthy internal environment for ourselves.
A: When we are entangled in critical, blaming, or angry thoughts, it is difficult to establish a healthy internal environment for ourselves.

Q: When we are entangled in critical, blaming, or [...] thoughts, it is difficult to establish a healthy internal environment for ourselves.
A: When we are entangled in critical, blaming, or angry thoughts, it is difficult to establish a healthy internal environment for ourselves.

Q: When we are entangled in critical, blaming, or angry thoughts, it is [...] to establish a healthy internal environment for ourselves.
A: When we are entangled in critical, blaming, or angry thoughts, it is difficult to establish a healthy internal environment for ourselves.

Q: When we are entangled in critical, blaming, or angry thoughts, it is difficult to [...] a healthy internal environment for ourselves.
A: When we are entangled in critical, blaming, or angry thoughts, it is difficult to establish a healthy internal environment for ourselves.

Q: When we are entangled in critical, blaming, or angry thoughts, it is difficult to establish a [...] for ourselves.
A: When we are entangled in critical, blaming, or angry thoughts, it is difficult to establish a healthy internal environment for ourselves.

Q: convert: Did I eat the wrong food?  Did I let myself get stressed-out?  Did I do this; did I not do that?
A: What do I need to do for myself right now with this headache?

Q: convert: What the hell is the matter with that guy!? Doesn't he even watch where he's driving?
A: Boy, I am petrified when people drive like that; I really wish they would see the danger in what they are doing.

Q: convert to empathy: That's no way to drive.
A: sensing that the person was lost, feeling confused, and wishing for some patience from those of us following

Q: [...] occurs through a meeting between two individuals who express themselves vulnerably and authentically in what he termed an "I-Thou" relationship.
A: Human growth occurs through a meeting between two individuals who express themselves vulnerably and authentically in what he termed an "I-Thou" relationship.

Q: Human growth occurs through a meeting between [...] who express themselves vulnerably and authentically in what he termed an "I-Thou" relationship
A: Human growth occurs through a meeting between two individuals who express themselves vulnerably and authentically in what he termed an "I-Thou" relationship.

Q: Human growth occurs through a meeting between two individuals who [...] vulnerably and authentically in what he termed an "I-Thou" relationship.
A: Human growth occurs through a meeting between two individuals who express themselves vulnerably and authentically in what he termed an "I-Thou" relationship.

Q: Human growth occurs through a meeting between two individuals who express themselves [...] in what he termed an "I-Thou" relationship.
A: Human growth occurs through a meeting between two individuals who express themselves vulnerably and authentically in what he termed an "I-Thou" relationship.

Q: Human growth occurs through a meeting between two individuals who express themselves vulnerably and authentically in what he termed [...].
A: Human growth occurs through a meeting between two individuals who express themselves vulnerably and authentically in what he termed an "I-Thou" relationship.

Q: convert: You seem to have trouble following what I'm saying.
A: I'm confused.  I'd like to see the connection between what I said and your response, but I don't.  Would you be willing to explain how your words relate to what I said?

Q: Leav: Iris, I can't stand people like you, always and everywhere being so damn nice and sweet, constantly the meek little librarian that you are.  Why don't you just drop it and get on with it?
Iris: (forgetting about NVC, hears criticism and put-down) You have no right to say that to me.  You don't know who I am, or what kind of librarian I am!  I take my profession seriously, and for your information, I consider myself to be an educator, just like any teacher…
I: (with NVC consciousness, listening empathically, as if I were Leav) [...]
A: Leav: Iris, I can't stand people like you, always and everywhere being so damn nice and sweet, constantly the meek little librarian that you are.  Why don't you just drop it and get on with it?
Iris: (forgetting about NVC, hears criticism and put-down) You have no right to say that to me.  You don't know who I am, or what kind of librarian I am!  I take my profession seriously, and for your information, I consider myself to be an educator, just like any teacher…
I: (with NVC consciousness, listening empathically, as if I were Leav) It sounds to me like you're angry because you want me to know and recognize who you really are before criticizing you.  Is that so?

Q: I: (with NVC consciousness, listening empathically, as if I were Leav) It sounds to me like you're angry because you want me to know and recognize who you really are before criticizing you.  Is that so?
Iris: That's right!  You have simply no idea how much it took for me to even sign up for this trek.  Look!  Here I am: I finished, didn't I?  I took on all the challenges these fourteen days and overcame them all!
I as Leav: [...]
A: I: (with NVC consciousness, listening empathically, as if I were Leav) It sounds to me like you're angry because you want me to know and recognize who you really are before criticizing you.  Is that so?
Iris: That's right!  You have simply no idea how much it took for me to even sign up for this trek.  Look!  Here I am: I finished, didn't I?  I took on all the challenges these fourteen days and overcame them all!
I as Leav: Am I hearing that you feel hurt and would have liked some recognition and appreciation for all your courage and hard work?

Q: I as Leav: Am I hearing that you feel hurt and would have liked some recognition and appreciation for all your courage and hard work?
Iris: Darn, I should have said all this stuff to her six years ago!
I: (as myself, an empathic friend) [...]
A: I as Leav: Am I hearing that you feel hurt and would have liked some recognition and appreciation for all your courage and hard work?
Iris: Darn, I should have said all this stuff to her six years ago!
I: (as myself, an empathic friend) You're frustrated because you wish you could have articulated yourself better at the time?

Q: I: (as myself, an empathic friend) You're frustrated because you wish you could have articulated yourself better at the time?
Iris: I feel like such an idiot!  I knew I wasn't a "meek little librarian," but why didn't I say that to her?
I: [...]
A: I: (as myself, an empathic friend) You're frustrated because you wish you could have articulated yourself better at the time?
Iris: I feel like such an idiot!  I knew I wasn't a "meek little librarian," but why didn't I say that to her?
I: So you wish you had been in touch with yourself to say that?

Q: I: So you wish you had been in touch with yourself to say that?
Iris: Yes.  And I'm also mad at myself!  I wish I hadn't let her push me around.
I: [...]
A: I: So you wish you had been in touch with yourself to say that?
Iris: Yes.  And I'm also mad at myself!  I wish I hadn't let her push me around.
I: You'd like to have been more assertive than you were?

Q: I: You'd like to have been more assertive than you were?
Iris: Exactly, I need to remember I have a right to stand up for who I am.
I as Leav: Iris, I can't stand people like you, always so nice and sweet, being forever the meek little librarian.  Why don't you just drop it and get on with it?
Iris: (listening for Leav's feelings, needs, and requests) [...] (Here Iris catches herself at a common mistake.  By using the word "I," she attributes Leav's feeling to herself, rather than to some desire on Leav's own part that generates the feeling, i.e. not "You're frustrated because I am a certain way," but "You're frustrated because you wanted something different from me")
A: I: You'd like to have been more assertive than you were?
Iris: Exactly, I need to remember I have a right to stand up for who I am.
I as Leav: Iris, I can't stand people like you, always so nice and sweet, being forever the meek little librarian.  Why don't you just drop it and get on with it?
Iris: (listening for Leav's feelings, needs, and requests) Oh, Leav, it sounds to me like you're really frustrated… frustrated because I… (Here Iris catches herself at a common mistake.  By using the word "I," she attributes Leav's feeling to herself, rather than to some desire on Leav's own part that generates the feeling, i.e. not "You're frustrated because I am a certain way," but "You're frustrated because you wanted something different from me.")

Q: I: You'd like to have been more assertive than you were?
Iris: Exactly, I need to remember I have a right to stand up for who I am.
I as Leav: Iris, I can't stand people like you, always so nice and sweet, being forever the meek little librarian.  Why don't you just drop it and get on with it?
Iris: (listening for Leav's feelings, needs, and requests) Oh, Leav, it sounds to me like you're really frustrated… frustrated because I… (Here Iris catches herself at a common mistake.  By using the word "I," she attributes Leav's feeling to herself, rather than to some desire on Leav's own part that generates the feeling, i.e. not "[...]," but "You're frustrated because you wanted something different from me.")
A: I: You'd like to have been more assertive than you were?
Iris: Exactly, I need to remember I have a right to stand up for who I am.
I as Leav: Iris, I can't stand people like you, always so nice and sweet, being forever the meek little librarian.  Why don't you just drop it and get on with it?
Iris: (listening for Leav's feelings, needs, and requests) Oh, Leav, it sounds to me like you're really frustrated… frustrated because I… (Here Iris catches herself at a common mistake.  By using the word "I," she attributes Leav's feeling to herself, rather than to some desire on Leav's own part that generates the feeling, i.e. not "You're frustrated because I am a certain way," but "You're frustrated because you wanted something different from me.")

Q: I: You'd like to have been more assertive than you were?
Iris: Exactly, I need to remember I have a right to stand up for who I am.
I as Leav: Iris, I can't stand people like you, always so nice and sweet, being forever the meek little librarian.  Why don't you just drop it and get on with it?
Iris: (listening for Leav's feelings, needs, and requests) Oh, Leav, it sounds to me like you're really frustrated… frustrated because I… (Here Iris catches herself at a common mistake.  By using the word "I," she attributes Leav's feeling to herself, rather than to some desire on Leav's own part that generates the feeling, i.e. not "You're frustrated because I am a certain way," but "[...].")
A: I: You'd like to have been more assertive than you were?
Iris: Exactly, I need to remember I have a right to stand up for who I am.
I as Leav: Iris, I can't stand people like you, always so nice and sweet, being forever the meek little librarian.  Why don't you just drop it and get on with it?
Iris: (listening for Leav's feelings, needs, and requests) Oh, Leav, it sounds to me like you're really frustrated… frustrated because I… (Here Iris catches herself at a common mistake.  By using the word "I," she attributes Leav's feeling to herself, rather than to some desire on Leav's own part that generates the feeling, i.e. not "You're frustrated because I am a certain way," but "You're frustrated because you wanted something different from me.")

Q: I as Leav: Iris, I can't stand people like you, always so nice and sweet, being forever the meek little librarian.  Why don't you just drop it and get on with it?
Iris: (listening for Leav's feelings, needs, and requests) Oh, Leav, it sounds to me like you're really frustrated… frustrated because I… (Here Iris catches herself at a common mistake.  By using the word "I," she attributes Leav's feeling to herself, rather than to some desire on Leav's own part that generates the feeling, i.e. not "You're frustrated because I am a certain way," but "You're frustrated because you wanted something different from me.")
(She tries again) Okay, Leav, it sound like you're really frustrated because you're wanting… um… you're wanting…
I as Leav: [...]
A: I as Leav: Iris, I can't stand people like you, always so nice and sweet, being forever the meek little librarian.  Why don't you just drop it and get on with it?
Iris: (listening for Leav's feelings, needs, and requests) Oh, Leav, it sounds to me like you're really frustrated… frustrated because I… (Here Iris catches herself at a common mistake.  By using the word "I," she attributes Leav's feeling to herself, rather than to some desire on Leav's own part that generates the feeling, i.e. not "You're frustrated because I am a certain way," but "You're frustrated because you wanted something different from me.")
(She tries again) Okay, Leav, it sound like you're really frustrated because you're wanting… um… you're wanting…
I as Leav: Connection!… That's what I'm wanting!  I want to feel connected… with you, Iris!  And I am so frustrated with all the sweetness and niceness that stand in the way that I just want to tear it all down so I can truly touch you!

Q: [...] are often judgments--however positive--of others.
A: Compliments are often judgments--however positive--of others.

Q: Compliments are often [...]--however positive--of others.
A: Compliments are often judgments--however positive--of others.

Q: Compliments are often judgments--[...]--of others.
A: Compliments are often judgments--however positive--of others.

Q: [...] as a way to celebrate, not to manipulate.
A: Express appreciation as a way to celebrate, not to manipulate.

Q: Express appreciation as a way to [...], not to manipulate.
A: Express appreciation as a way to celebrate, not to manipulate.

Q: Express appreciation as a way to celebrate, not to [...].
A: Express appreciation as a way to celebrate, not to manipulate.

Q: [...]: "This is what you did; this is what I feel; this is the need of mine that was met."
A: Saying "thank you" in NVC: "This is what you did; this is what I feel; this is the need of mine that was met."

Q: Saying "thank you" in NVC: "[...]; this is what I feel; this is the need of mine that was met."
A: Saying "thank you" in NVC: "This is what you did; this is what I feel; this is the need of mine that was met."

Q: Saying "thank you" in NVC: "This is what you did; [...]; this is the need of mine that was met."
A: Saying "thank you" in NVC: "This is what you did; this is what I feel; this is the need of mine that was met."

Q: Saying "thank you" in NVC: "This is what you did; this is what I feel; [...]."
A: Saying "thank you" in NVC: "This is what you did; this is what I feel; this is the need of mine that was met."

Q: [...] without feelings of superiority or false humility.
A: Receive appreciation without feelings of superiority or false humility.

Q: Receive appreciation without feelings of [...] or false humility.
A: Receive appreciation without feelings of superiority or false humility.

Q: Receive appreciation without feelings of superiority or [...].
A: Receive appreciation without feelings of superiority or false humility.

Q: We tend to [...] what's wrong rather than what's right.
A: We tend to notice what's wrong rather than what's right.

Q: We tend to notice [...] rather than what's right.
A: We tend to notice what's wrong rather than what's right.

Q: We tend to notice what's wrong rather than [...].
A: We tend to notice what's wrong rather than what's right.

Q: When we receive appreciation expressed in this way, we can do so without any feeling of superiority or false humility by [...].
A: When we receive appreciation expressed in this way, we can do so without any feeling of superiority or false humility by celebrating along with the person who is offering the appreciation.

Q: classify: You did a good job on that report.
A: praise

Q: classify: You are a very sensitive person.
A: praise

Q: classify: It was kind of you to offer me a ride home last evening.
A: praise

Q: I regard [...] (not anger or violence) as life-alienating.
A: I regard praise and compliments as life-alienating.

Q: I regard praise and compliments as [...]. (adjective--not violent)
A: I regard praise and compliments as life-alienating.

Q: Appreciation expressed in the form of [...] reveals little of what's going on in the speaker and establishes the speaker as someone who sits in judgment.
A: Appreciation expressed in the form of praise and compliments reveals little of what's going on in the speaker and establishes the speaker as someone who sits in judgment.

Q: Appreciation expressed in the form of praise and compliments [...] and establishes the speaker as someone who sits in judgment.
A: Appreciation expressed in the form of praise and compliments reveals little of what's going on in the speaker and establishes the speaker as someone who sits in judgment.

Q: Appreciation expressed in the form of praise and compliments reveals little of what's going on in the speaker and establishes [...].
A: Appreciation expressed in the form of praise and compliments reveals little of what's going on in the speaker and establishes the speaker as someone who sits in judgment.

Q: The [...] is spoiled when people begin to notice the lurking intent to get something out of them.
A: The beauty of appreciation is spoiled when people begin to notice the lurking intent to get something out of them.

Q: The beauty of appreciation is [...] when people begin to notice the lurking intent to get something out of them.
A: The beauty of appreciation is spoiled when people begin to notice the lurking intent to get something out of them.

Q: The beauty of appreciation is spoiled when people begin to notice the [...].
A: The beauty of appreciation is spoiled when people begin to notice the lurking intent to get something out of them.

Q: Sometimes all three components of appreciation can be conveyed by [...] or a simple "Thank you."
A: Sometimes all three components of appreciation can be conveyed by a smile or a simple "Thank you."

Q: Sometimes all three components of appreciation can be conveyed by a smile or a simple "[...]."
A: Sometimes all three components of appreciation can be conveyed by a smile or a simple "Thank you."

Q: If we want to [...] that our appreciation has been fully received, it is valuable to develop the eloquence to express all three components verbally.
A: If we want to ensure that our appreciation has been fully received, it is valuable to develop the eloquence to express all three components verbally.

Q: If we want to ensure that our appreciation has been [...], it is valuable to develop the eloquence to express all three components verbally.
A: If we want to ensure that our appreciation has been fully received, it is valuable to develop the eloquence to express all three components verbally.

Q: If we want to ensure that our appreciation has been fully received, it is [...] the eloquence to express all three components verbally.
A: If we want to ensure that our appreciation has been fully received, it is valuable to develop the eloquence to express all three components verbally.

Q: If we want to ensure that our appreciation has been fully received, it is valuable to develop the [...] to express all three components verbally.
A: If we want to ensure that our appreciation has been fully received, it is valuable to develop the eloquence to express all three components verbally.

Q: If we want to ensure that our appreciation has been fully received, it is valuable to develop the eloquence to [...].
A: If we want to ensure that our appreciation has been fully received, it is valuable to develop the eloquence to express all three components verbally.

Q: Participant (approaching me at end of a workshop): Marshall, you're brilliant!
MBR: [...]
A: Participant (approaching me at end of a workshop): Marshall, you're brilliant!
MBR: I'm not able to get as much out of your appreciation as I would like.

Q: MBR: I'm not able to get as much out of your appreciation as I would like.
Participant: Why, what do you mean?
MBR: [...]
A: MBR: I'm not able to get as much out of your appreciation as I would like.
Participant: Why, what do you mean?
MBR: In my lifetime I've been called a multitude of names, yet I can't recall seriously learning anything by being told what I am. I'd like to learn from your appreciation and enjoy it, but I would need more information.

Q: MBR: In my lifetime I've been called a multitude of names, yet I can't recall seriously learning anything by being told what I am. I'd like to learn from your appreciation and enjoy it, but I would need more information.
Participant: Like what?
MBR: [...]
A: MBR: In my lifetime I've been called a multitude of names, yet I can't recall seriously learning anything by being told what I am. I'd like to learn from your appreciation and enjoy it, but I would need more information.
Participant: Like what?
MBR: First, I'd like to know what I said or did that made life more wonderful for you.

Q: MBR: First, I'd like to know what I said or did that made life more wonderful for you.
Participant: Well, you're so intelligent.
MBR: [...]
A: MBR: First, I'd like to know what I said or did that made life more wonderful for you.
Participant: Well, you're so intelligent.
MBR: I'm afraid you've just given me another judgment that still leaves me wondering what I did that made life more wonderful for you.

Q: MBR: I'm afraid you've just given me another judgment that still leaves me wondering what I did that made life more wonderful for you.
The participant thinks for a while, but then she points to notes she had taken during the workshop, "Look at these two places. It was these two things you said."
MBR: [...]
A: MBR: I'm afraid you've just given me another judgment that still leaves me wondering what I did that made life more wonderful for you.
The participant thinks for a while, but then she points to notes she had taken during the workshop, "Look at these two places. It was these two things you said."
MBR: Ah, so it's my saying those two things that you appreciate.

Q: MBR: Ah, so it's my saying those two things that you appreciate.
Participant: Yes.
MBR: [...]
A: MBR: Ah, so it's my saying those two things that you appreciate.
Participant: Yes.
MBR: Next, I'd like to know how you feel in conjunction to my having said those two things.

Q: MBR: Next, I'd like to know how you feel in conjunction to my having said those two things.
Participant: Hopeful and relieved.
MBR: [...]
A: MBR: Next, I'd like to know how you feel in conjunction to my having said those two things.
Participant: Hopeful and relieved.
MBR: And now I'd like to know what needs of yours were fulfilled by my saying those two things.

Q: convert: Marshall, you're so brilliant!
A: Marshall, when you said these two things [showing me her notes], I felt very hopeful and relieved, because I've been searching for a way to make a connection with my son, and these gave me the direction I was looking for.

Q: Many of us do not receive [...] gracefully.
A: Many of us do not receive appreciation gracefully.

Q: Many of us do not receive appreciation [...].
A: Many of us do not receive appreciation gracefully.

Q: [...]:
-worry about what's being expected of us
-nervous about living up to the appreciation
A: possible reactions to hearing appreciation:
-worry about what's being expected of us
-nervous about living up to the appreciation

Q: possible reactions to hearing appreciation:
-[...]
-nervous about living up to the appreciation
A: possible reactions to hearing appreciation:
-worry about what's being expected of us
-nervous about living up to the appreciation

Q: possible reactions to hearing appreciation:
-worry about what's being expected of us
-[...]
A: possible reactions to hearing appreciation:
-worry about what's being expected of us
-nervous about living up to the appreciation

Q: NVC encourages us to [...] with the same quality of empathy we express when listening to other messages. We hear what we have done that has contributed to others' well-being; we hear their feelings and the needs that were fulfilled.  We take into our hearts the joyous reality that we can enhance the quality of others' lives.
A: NVC encourages us to receive appreciation with the same quality of empathy we express when listening to other messages. We hear what we have done that has contributed to others' well-being; we hear their feelings and the needs that were fulfilled.  We take into our hearts the joyous reality that we can enhance the quality of others' lives.

Q: NVC encourages us to receive appreciation with [...] we express when listening to other messages. We hear what we have done that has contributed to others' well-being; we hear their feelings and the needs that were fulfilled.  We take into our hearts the joyous reality that we can enhance the quality of others' lives.
A: NVC encourages us to receive appreciation with the same quality of empathy we express when listening to other messages. We hear what we have done that has contributed to others' well-being; we hear their feelings and the needs that were fulfilled.  We take into our hearts the joyous reality that we can enhance the quality of others' lives.

Q: NVC encourages us to receive appreciation with the same quality of empathy we [...]. We hear what we have done that has contributed to others' well-being; we hear their feelings and the needs that were fulfilled.  We take into our hearts the joyous reality that we can enhance the quality of others' lives.
A: NVC encourages us to receive appreciation with the same quality of empathy we express when listening to other messages. We hear what we have done that has contributed to others' well-being; we hear their feelings and the needs that were fulfilled.  We take into our hearts the joyous reality that we can enhance the quality of others' lives.

Q: NVC encourages us to receive appreciation with the same quality of empathy we express when listening to other messages. We [...]; we hear their feelings and the needs that were fulfilled.  We take into our hearts the joyous reality that we can enhance the quality of others' lives.
A: NVC encourages us to receive appreciation with the same quality of empathy we express when listening to other messages. We hear what we have done that has contributed to others' well-being; we hear their feelings and the needs that were fulfilled.  We take into our hearts the joyous reality that we can enhance the quality of others' lives.

Q: NVC encourages us to receive appreciation with the same quality of empathy we express when listening to other messages. We hear what we have done that has contributed to others' well-being; we [...].  We take into our hearts the joyous reality that we can enhance the quality of others' lives.
A: NVC encourages us to receive appreciation with the same quality of empathy we express when listening to other messages. We hear what we have done that has contributed to others' well-being; we hear their feelings and the needs that were fulfilled.  We take into our hearts the joyous reality that we can enhance the quality of others' lives.

Q: NVC encourages us to receive appreciation with the same quality of empathy we express when listening to other messages. We hear what we have done that has contributed to others' well-being; we hear their feelings and the needs that were fulfilled.  We [...] the joyous reality that we can enhance the quality of others' lives.
A: NVC encourages us to receive appreciation with the same quality of empathy we express when listening to other messages. We hear what we have done that has contributed to others' well-being; we hear their feelings and the needs that were fulfilled.  We take into our hearts the joyous reality that we can enhance the quality of others' lives.

Q: NVC encourages us to receive appreciation with the same quality of empathy we express when listening to other messages. We hear what we have done that has contributed to others' well-being; we hear their feelings and the needs that were fulfilled.  We take into our hearts the [...] that we can enhance the quality of others' lives.
A: NVC encourages us to receive appreciation with the same quality of empathy we express when listening to other messages. We hear what we have done that has contributed to others' well-being; we hear their feelings and the needs that were fulfilled.  We take into our hearts the joyous reality that we can enhance the quality of others' lives.

Q: NVC encourages us to receive appreciation with the same quality of empathy we express when listening to other messages. We hear what we have done that has contributed to others' well-being; we hear their feelings and the needs that were fulfilled.  We take into our hearts the joyous reality that [...].
A: NVC encourages us to receive appreciation with the same quality of empathy we express when listening to other messages. We hear what we have done that has contributed to others' well-being; we hear their feelings and the needs that were fulfilled.  We take into our hearts the joyous reality that we can enhance the quality of others' lives.

Q: If I am aware that it is this [...] that gives me the power to enrich life for others, then I may avoid both the ego trap and the false humility.
A: If I am aware that it is this power of Self working through me that gives me the power to enrich life for others, then I may avoid both the ego trap and the false humility.

Q: If I am aware that it is this power of Self working through me that gives me the power to enrich life for others, then I may avoid both the [...] and the false humility.
A: If I am aware that it is this power of Self working through me that gives me the power to enrich life for others, then I may avoid both the ego trap and the false humility.

Q: If I am aware that it is this power of Self working through me that gives me the power to enrich life for others, then I may avoid both the ego trap and the [...].
A: If I am aware that it is this power of Self working through me that gives me the power to enrich life for others, then I may avoid both the ego trap and the false humility.

Q: Paradoxically, despite [...], most of us yearn to be genuinely recognized and appreciated.
A: Paradoxically, despite our unease in receiving appreciation, most of us yearn to be genuinely recognized and appreciated.

Q: Paradoxically, despite our unease in receiving appreciation, most of us [...] to be genuinely recognized and appreciated.
A: Paradoxically, despite our unease in receiving appreciation, most of us yearn to be genuinely recognized and appreciated.

Q: Paradoxically, despite our unease in receiving appreciation, most of us yearn to be [...] recognized and appreciated.
A: Paradoxically, despite our unease in receiving appreciation, most of us yearn to be genuinely recognized and appreciated.

Q: Paradoxically, despite our unease in receiving appreciation, most of us yearn to be genuinely [...].
A: Paradoxically, despite our unease in receiving appreciation, most of us yearn to be genuinely recognized and appreciated.

Q: what question did MR ask in a party game that moved a several people to tears and everyone wanted to answer?
A: "What appreciation might someone give you that would leave you jumping for joy?"

Q: classify: I'm sure he already knows how much he means to me, I don't need to expres it out loud; besides, it might embarrass him if I put it into words.
A: not true

Q: [...] I had assumed that others knew the intensity of my appreciation for them, only to discover otherwise.
A: Too often I had assumed that others knew the intensity of my appreciation for them, only to discover otherwise.

Q: Too often I had [...] the intensity of my appreciation for them, only to discover otherwise.
A: Too often I had assumed that others knew the intensity of my appreciation for them, only to discover otherwise.

Q: Too often I had assumed that others knew the [...] of my appreciation for them, only to discover otherwise.
A: Too often I had assumed that others knew the intensity of my appreciation for them, only to discover otherwise.

Q: Too often I had assumed that others knew the intensity of my [...], only to discover otherwise.
A: Too often I had assumed that others knew the intensity of my appreciation for them, only to discover otherwise.

Q: Too often I had assumed that others knew the intensity of my appreciation for them, only to [...].
A: Too often I had assumed that others knew the intensity of my appreciation for them, only to discover otherwise.

Q: Even when people were [...], they still wanted to hear appreciation verbalized.
A: Even when people were embarrassed, they still wanted to hear appreciation verbalized.

Q: Even when people were embarrassed, they [...] to hear appreciation verbalized.
A: Even when people were embarrassed, they still wanted to hear appreciation verbalized.

Q: Even when people were embarrassed, they still wanted to hear [...] verbalized.
A: Even when people were embarrassed, they still wanted to hear appreciation verbalized.

Q: Even when people were embarrassed, they still wanted to hear appreciation [...].
A: Even when people were embarrassed, they still wanted to hear appreciation verbalized.

Q: classify: Can't do justice to the depths of what I wish to communicate.
A: yes, words may be poor vehicles in conveying our heartfelt realities, but as I have learned, "Anything that is worth doing is worth doing poorly!

Q: When we exercise the protective use of force, we are [...] the life or rights we want to protect without passing judgment on either the person or the behavior.
A: When we exercise the protective use of force, we are focusing on the life or rights we want to protect without passing judgment on either the person or the behavior.