Title: How to Talk So Kids Will Listen
Tags: talklistenkids selfhelp
On every note of this deck, unless a note says otherwise:
Back: categories of advice from How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk:
1. Helping Children Deal with Their Feelings
2. To Engage a Child's Cooperation
3. Instead of Punishment
4. To Encourage Autonomy
5. Praise and Self-Esteem
6. To Free Children from Playing Roles

Front: categories of advice from How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk:
1. [...]
2. To Engage a Child's Cooperation
3. Instead of Punishment
4. To Encourage Autonomy
5. Praise and Self-Esteem
6. To Free Children from Playing Roles

Front: categories of advice from How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk:
1. Helping Children Deal with Their Feelings
2. [...]
3. Instead of Punishment
4. To Encourage Autonomy
5. Praise and Self-Esteem
6. To Free Children from Playing Roles

Front: categories of advice from How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk:
1. Helping Children Deal with Their Feelings
2. To Engage a Child's Cooperation
3. [...]
4. To Encourage Autonomy
5. Praise and Self-Esteem
6. To Free Children from Playing Roles

Front: categories of advice from How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk:
1. Helping Children Deal with Their Feelings
2. To Engage a Child's Cooperation
3. Instead of Punishment
4. [...]
5. Praise and Self-Esteem
6. To Free Children from Playing Roles

Front: categories of advice from How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk:
1. Helping Children Deal with Their Feelings
2. To Engage a Child's Cooperation
3. Instead of Punishment
4. To Encourage Autonomy
5. [...]
6. To Free Children from Playing Roles

Front: categories of advice from How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk:
1. Helping Children Deal with Their Feelings
2. To Engage a Child's Cooperation
3. Instead of Punishment
4. To Encourage Autonomy
5. Praise and Self-Esteem
6. [...]

Front: [...]:
1. listen quietly and attentively
2. acknowledge their feelings with a word
3. give the feeling a name
4. give the child his wishes in fantasy
Back: helping children deal with their feelings:
1. listen quietly and attentively
2. acknowledge their feelings with a word
3. give the feeling a name
4. give the child his wishes in fantasy

Front: helping children deal with their feelings:
1. [...]
2. acknowledge their feelings with a word
3. give the feeling a name
4. give the child his wishes in fantasy
Back: helping children deal with their feelings:
1. listen quietly and attentively
2. acknowledge their feelings with a word
3. give the feeling a name
4. give the child his wishes in fantasy

Front: helping children deal with their feelings:
1. listen quietly and attentively
2. [...]
3. give the feeling a name
4. give the child his wishes in fantasy
Back: helping children deal with their feelings:
1. listen quietly and attentively
2. acknowledge their feelings with a word
3. give the feeling a name
4. give the child his wishes in fantasy

Front: helping children deal with their feelings:
1. listen quietly and attentively
2. acknowledge their feelings with a word
3. [...]
4. give the child his wishes in fantasy
Back: helping children deal with their feelings:
1. listen quietly and attentively
2. acknowledge their feelings with a word
3. give the feeling a name
4. give the child his wishes in fantasy

Front: helping children deal with their feelings:
1. listen quietly and attentively
2. acknowledge their feelings with a word
3. give the feeling a name
4. [...]
Back: helping children deal with their feelings:
1. listen quietly and attentively
2. acknowledge their feelings with a word
3. give the feeling a name
4. give the child his wishes in fantasy

Front: example of acknowledging feelings with a word
Back: "Oh ... Mmm ... I see ..."

Front: example of giving the feeling a name
Back: "That sounds frustrating!"

Front: example of giving the child his wishes in fantasy
Back: "I wish I could make that banana ripe for you right now!"

Front: All [...] can be accepted.
Back: All feelings can be accepted.

Front: All feelings can be [...].
Back: All feelings can be accepted.

Front: Certain [...] must be limited.
Back: Certain actions must be limited.

Front: Certain actions must be [...].
Back: Certain actions must be limited.

Front: example of accepting feelings and limiting actions
Back: "I can see how angry you are at your brother.  Tell him what you want with words, not fists."

Front: [...]:
1. describe what you see, or describe the problem
2. give information
3. say it with a word
4. describe what you feel
5. write a note
Back: to engage cooperation:
1. describe what you see, or describe the problem
2. give information
3. say it with a word
4. describe what you feel
5. write a note

Front: to engage cooperation:
1. [...]
2. give information
3. say it with a word
4. describe what you feel
5. write a note
Back: to engage cooperation:
1. describe what you see, or describe the problem
2. give information
3. say it with a word
4. describe what you feel
5. write a note

Front: to engage cooperation:
1. describe what you see, or describe the problem
2. [...]
3. say it with a word
4. describe what you feel
5. write a note
Back: to engage cooperation:
1. describe what you see, or describe the problem
2. give information
3. say it with a word
4. describe what you feel
5. write a note

Front: to engage cooperation:
1. describe what you see, or describe the problem
2. give information
3. [...]
4. describe what you feel
5. write a note
Back: to engage cooperation:
1. describe what you see, or describe the problem
2. give information
3. say it with a word
4. describe what you feel
5. write a note

Front: to engage cooperation:
1. describe what you see, or describe the problem
2. give information
3. say it with a word
4. [...]
5. write a note
Back: to engage cooperation:
1. describe what you see, or describe the problem
2. give information
3. say it with a word
4. describe what you feel
5. write a note

Front: to engage cooperation:
1. describe what you see, or describe the problem
2. give information
3. say it with a word
4. describe what you feel
5. [...]
Back: to engage cooperation:
1. describe what you see, or describe the problem
2. give information
3. say it with a word
4. describe what you feel
5. write a note

Front: example of describing what you see or describing the problem
Back: "There's a wet towel on my bed."

Front: example of giving information to engage cooperation
Back: "The towel is getting my blanket wet."

Front: example of saying it with a word
Back: "The towel!"

Front: example of describing what you feel to engage cooperation
Back: "I don't like sleeping in a wet bed!"

Front: example of writing a note
Back: (above the towel rack)
Please put me back so I can dry.
Thanks!
Your Towel

Front: [...]:
1. express your feelings strongly--without attacking character
2. state your expectations
3. show the child how to make amends
4. give the child a choice
5. take action
6. problem-solve
Back: instead of punishment:
1. express your feelings strongly--without attacking character
2. state your expectations
3. show the child how to make amends
4. give the child a choice
5. take action
6. problem-solve

Front: instead of punishment:
1. [...]
2. state your expectations
3. show the child how to make amends
4. give the child a choice
5. take action
6. problem-solve
Back: instead of punishment:
1. express your feelings strongly--without attacking character
2. state your expectations
3. show the child how to make amends
4. give the child a choice
5. take action
6. problem-solve

Front: instead of punishment:
1. express your feelings strongly--without attacking character
2. [...]
3. show the child how to make amends
4. give the child a choice
5. take action
6. problem-solve
Back: instead of punishment:
1. express your feelings strongly--without attacking character
2. state your expectations
3. show the child how to make amends
4. give the child a choice
5. take action
6. problem-solve

Front: instead of punishment:
1. express your feelings strongly--without attacking character
2. state your expectations
3. [...]
4. give the child a choice
5. take action
6. problem-solve
Back: instead of punishment:
1. express your feelings strongly--without attacking character
2. state your expectations
3. show the child how to make amends
4. give the child a choice
5. take action
6. problem-solve

Front: instead of punishment:
1. express your feelings strongly--without attacking character
2. state your expectations
3. show the child how to make amends
4. [...]
5. take action
6. problem-solve
Back: instead of punishment:
1. express your feelings strongly--without attacking character
2. state your expectations
3. show the child how to make amends
4. give the child a choice
5. take action
6. problem-solve

Front: instead of punishment:
1. express your feelings strongly--without attacking character
2. state your expectations
3. show the child how to make amends
4. give the child a choice
5. [...]
6. problem-solve
Back: instead of punishment:
1. express your feelings strongly--without attacking character
2. state your expectations
3. show the child how to make amends
4. give the child a choice
5. take action
6. problem-solve

Front: instead of punishment:
1. express your feelings strongly--without attacking character
2. state your expectations
3. show the child how to make amends
4. give the child a choice
5. take action
6. [...]
Back: instead of punishment:
1. express your feelings strongly--without attacking character
2. state your expectations
3. show the child how to make amends
4. give the child a choice
5. take action
6. problem-solve

Front: example of expressing feelings strongly--without attacking character
Back: "I'm furious that my new saw was left outside to rust in the rain!"

Front: alternative to punishment: example of stating your expectations
Back: "I expect my tools to be returned after they've been borrowed."

Front: example of showing the child how to make amends
Back: "What this saw needs now is a little steel wool and a lot of elbow grease."

Front: alternative to punishment: example of giving the child a choice
Back: "You can borrow my tools and return them, or you can give up the priviledge of using them.  You decide."

Front: example of taking action
Back: Child: Why is the tool box locked?
Father: You tell me why.

Front: talking to kids: example of problem-solving
Back: "What can we work out so that you can use my tools when you need them, and so that I'll be sure they're there when I need them?"

Front: [...]:
1. let children make choices
2. show respect for a child's struggle
3. don't ask too many questions
4. don't rush to answer questions
5. encourage children to use sources outside the home
6. don't take away hope
Back: to encourage autonomy:
1. let children make choices
2. show respect for a child's struggle
3. don't ask too many questions
4. don't rush to answer questions
5. encourage children to use sources outside the home
6. don't take away hope

Front: to encourage autonomy:
1. [...]
2. show respect for a child's struggle
3. don't ask too many questions
4. don't rush to answer questions
5. encourage children to use sources outside the home
6. don't take away hope
Back: to encourage autonomy:
1. let children make choices
2. show respect for a child's struggle
3. don't ask too many questions
4. don't rush to answer questions
5. encourage children to use sources outside the home
6. don't take away hope

Front: to encourage autonomy:
1. let children make choices
2. [...]
3. don't ask too many questions
4. don't rush to answer questions
5. encourage children to use sources outside the home
6. don't take away hope
Back: to encourage autonomy:
1. let children make choices
2. show respect for a child's struggle
3. don't ask too many questions
4. don't rush to answer questions
5. encourage children to use sources outside the home
6. don't take away hope

Front: to encourage autonomy:
1. let children make choices
2. show respect for a child's struggle
3. [...]
4. don't rush to answer questions
5. encourage children to use sources outside the home
6. don't take away hope
Back: to encourage autonomy:
1. let children make choices
2. show respect for a child's struggle
3. don't ask too many questions
4. don't rush to answer questions
5. encourage children to use sources outside the home
6. don't take away hope

Front: to encourage autonomy:
1. let children make choices
2. show respect for a child's struggle
3. don't ask too many questions
4. [...]
5. encourage children to use sources outside the home
6. don't take away hope
Back: to encourage autonomy:
1. let children make choices
2. show respect for a child's struggle
3. don't ask too many questions
4. don't rush to answer questions
5. encourage children to use sources outside the home
6. don't take away hope

Front: to encourage autonomy:
1. let children make choices
2. show respect for a child's struggle
3. don't ask too many questions
4. don't rush to answer questions
5. [...]
6. don't take away hope
Back: to encourage autonomy:
1. let children make choices
2. show respect for a child's struggle
3. don't ask too many questions
4. don't rush to answer questions
5. encourage children to use sources outside the home
6. don't take away hope

Front: to encourage autonomy:
1. let children make choices
2. show respect for a child's struggle
3. don't ask too many questions
4. don't rush to answer questions
5. encourage children to use sources outside the home
6. [...]
Back: to encourage autonomy:
1. let children make choices
2. show respect for a child's struggle
3. don't ask too many questions
4. don't rush to answer questions
5. encourage children to use sources outside the home
6. don't take away hope

Front: example of letting children make choices
Back: "Are you in the mood for your grey pants today, or your red pants?"

Front: example of showing respect for a child's struggle
Back: "A jar can be hard to open.  Sometimes it helps if you tap the side of the lid with a spoon."

Front: example of not asking too many questions
Back: "Glad to see you.  Welcome home."

Front: example of not rushing to answer questions
Back: "That's an interesting question.  What do you think?"

Front: example of encouraging children to use sources outside the home
Back: "Maybe the pet shop owner would have a suggestion."

Front: example of not taking away hope
Back: "So you're thinking of trying out for the play!  That should be an experience."

Front: Instead of [...], describe.
Back: Instead of evaluating, describe.

Front: Instead of evaluating, [...].
Back: Instead of evaluating, describe.

Front: [...]:
1. describe what you see
2. describe what you feel
3. sum up the child's praiseworthy behavior with a word
Back: praise and self-esteem:
1. describe what you see
2. describe what you feel
3. sum up the child's praiseworthy behavior with a word

Front: praise and self-esteem:
1. [...]
2. describe what you feel
3. sum up the child's praiseworthy behavior with a word
Back: praise and self-esteem:
1. describe what you see
2. describe what you feel
3. sum up the child's praiseworthy behavior with a word

Front: praise and self-esteem:
1. describe what you see
2. [...]
3. sum up the child's praiseworthy behavior with a word
Back: praise and self-esteem:
1. describe what you see
2. describe what you feel
3. sum up the child's praiseworthy behavior with a word

Front: praise and self-esteem:
1. describe what you see
2. describe what you feel
3. [...]
Back: praise and self-esteem:
1. describe what you see
2. describe what you feel
3. sum up the child's praiseworthy behavior with a word

Front: praise: example of describing what you see
Back: "I see a clean floor, a smooth bed, and books neatly lined up on the shelf."

Front: praise: example of describing what you feel
Back: "It's a pleasure to walk into this room!"

Front: praise: example of summing up the child's praiseworthy behavior with a word
Back: "You sorted out your pencils, crayons and pens, and put them in separate boxes.  That's what I call organization!"

Front: [...]:
1. look for opportunities to show the child a new picture of himself
2. put children it situations where they can see themselves differently
3. let children overhear you say something positive about them
4. model the behavior you'd like to see
5. be a storehouse for your child's special moments
6. when the child acts according to the old label, state your feeling and/or your expectations
Back: to free children from playing roles:
1. look for opportunities to show the child a new picture of himself
2. put children it situations where they can see themselves differently
3. let children overhear you say something positive about them
4. model the behavior you'd like to see
5. be a storehouse for your child's special moments
6. when the child acts according to the old label, state your feeling and/or your expectations

Front: to free children from playing roles:
1. [...]
2. put children it situations where they can see themselves differently
3. let children overhear you say something positive about them
4. model the behavior you'd like to see
5. be a storehouse for your child's special moments
6. when the child acts according to the old label, state your feeling and/or your expectations
Back: to free children from playing roles:
1. look for opportunities to show the child a new picture of himself
2. put children it situations where they can see themselves differently
3. let children overhear you say something positive about them
4. model the behavior you'd like to see
5. be a storehouse for your child's special moments
6. when the child acts according to the old label, state your feeling and/or your expectations

Front: to free children from playing roles:
1. look for opportunities to show the child a new picture of himself
2. [...]
3. let children overhear you say something positive about them
4. model the behavior you'd like to see
5. be a storehouse for your child's special moments
6. when the child acts according to the old label, state your feeling and/or your expectations
Back: to free children from playing roles:
1. look for opportunities to show the child a new picture of himself
2. put children it situations where they can see themselves differently
3. let children overhear you say something positive about them
4. model the behavior you'd like to see
5. be a storehouse for your child's special moments
6. when the child acts according to the old label, state your feeling and/or your expectations

Front: to free children from playing roles:
1. look for opportunities to show the child a new picture of himself
2. put children it situations where they can see themselves differently
3. [...]
4. model the behavior you'd like to see
5. be a storehouse for your child's special moments
6. when the child acts according to the old label, state your feeling and/or your expectations
Back: to free children from playing roles:
1. look for opportunities to show the child a new picture of himself
2. put children it situations where they can see themselves differently
3. let children overhear you say something positive about them
4. model the behavior you'd like to see
5. be a storehouse for your child's special moments
6. when the child acts according to the old label, state your feeling and/or your expectations

Front: to free children from playing roles:
1. look for opportunities to show the child a new picture of himself
2. put children it situations where they can see themselves differently
3. let children overhear you say something positive about them
4. [...]
5. be a storehouse for your child's special moments
6. when the child acts according to the old label, state your feeling and/or your expectations
Back: to free children from playing roles:
1. look for opportunities to show the child a new picture of himself
2. put children it situations where they can see themselves differently
3. let children overhear you say something positive about them
4. model the behavior you'd like to see
5. be a storehouse for your child's special moments
6. when the child acts according to the old label, state your feeling and/or your expectations

Front: to free children from playing roles:
1. look for opportunities to show the child a new picture of himself
2. put children it situations where they can see themselves differently
3. let children overhear you say something positive about them
4. model the behavior you'd like to see
5. [...]
6. when the child acts according to the old label, state your feeling and/or your expectations
Back: to free children from playing roles:
1. look for opportunities to show the child a new picture of himself
2. put children it situations where they can see themselves differently
3. let children overhear you say something positive about them
4. model the behavior you'd like to see
5. be a storehouse for your child's special moments
6. when the child acts according to the old label, state your feeling and/or your expectations

Front: to free children from playing roles:
1. look for opportunities to show the child a new picture of himself
2. put children it situations where they can see themselves differently
3. let children overhear you say something positive about them
4. model the behavior you'd like to see
5. be a storehouse for your child's special moments
6. [...]
Back: to free children from playing roles:
1. look for opportunities to show the child a new picture of himself
2. put children it situations where they can see themselves differently
3. let children overhear you say something positive about them
4. model the behavior you'd like to see
5. be a storehouse for your child's special moments
6. when the child acts according to the old label, state your feeling and/or your expectations

Front: example of looking for opportunities to show the child a new picture of himself
Back: "You've had that toy since you were three and it almost looks like new!"

Front: example of putting children it situations where they can see themselves differently
Back: "Sara, would you take the screwdriver and tighten the pulls on these drawers?"

Front: example of letting children overhear you say something positive about them
Back: "He held his arm steady even though the shot hurt."

Front: example of modeling the behavior you'd like to see
Back: "It's hard to lose, but I'll try to be a sport about it.  Congratulations!"

Front: example of being a storehouse for your child's special moments
Back: "I remember the time you..."

Front: example of stating your expectations and/or feelings when your child acts according to the old label
Back: "I don't like that.  Despite your strong feelings, I expect sportsmanship from you."